Food Flavored Video: Hobart by Sail On! Sail On!

We all know them. Maybe. They are the beefy guys at the party who show up with a bag of chips, do a couple of bro hugs and start raising the roof while the other party goers chant "Dip! Dip! Dip!" They are the slimy greasers who take an ice cream scoop of pureed chickpeas, slop it on some lady's breasts and proceed to dip those babies clean. They are the loud male sports fans at the bar high-fiving and plinking Sabra tubs together when their team scores a point. They are the people that suffer from hyper toxic hummasculinity.

Over the last week Sail On! Sail On!'s social media has been besieged by these hummus bros bragging and belching about how they can eat more hummus than the band. It all came about because of the band's video for their single "Hobart." Skinny, one of the members of Sail On! Sail On! asked some friends to bring a plate of vegan food over to his house. 90 percent of them brought hummus. So Skinny and Ethan (another band member) decided that during the 2:50 song they would attempt to eat 1kg of hummus while also taking turns singing the lines of the song. The band completed the video in one take, no way they would be able to eat that much hummus again, and uploaded it to Youtube. Then the hummus pissing contest began. Vitriol like "DZ and Dunies were at least impressive. This just nasty and music doesnt suit :/" and "mate, you can't even finish a 1KG tub of hummus between the two of you" was sent their way. The band calmly suggested that if people wanted to try the challenge themselves they could film it and send it to the band. If anyone could successfully sing the lines in the song while finishing a 1kg tub of hummus in 2:50, Sail On! Sail On! would send them a free record. Just by attempting the challenge a person could earn a free download of the album.

Watch Sail On! Sail On!'s hummus challenge:



Hummus Free Version:

Click (Food): Shark Bait, Adam Lambert Foils Vegans, Google Embraces Vegan Shrimp and Buffalo Quinoa Balls

Happenings:

• Pip's Original Doughnuts put out a help wanted ad for a new barista this week. The ad included that statement that “No non-medical, non-religious dietary restrictions that would stop you from tasting, accurately representing our food and maintaining quality control to maintain the highest standards of food safety and excellence. We serve products with meat (including bacon) nuts, dairy and our doughnuts contain wheat gluten.” It then continued with Portland doesn't need another "moody hipster providing lame service." So as long as your doctor or religion prescribes you a vegan diet, you are good to apply? If you are doing it for any other reason, look elsewhere? Here's my doctor's note.

• Former NFL player Warren Sapp got bit by a shark while fishing for lobster. PETA rewarded him with a letter explaining the terror humans inflict on other species and a meal of vegan lobster. I'm wondering if he didn't get bit because he told the shark to "stop talking and oral me?" and the shark misunderstood what he meant.

• The new mayor of Turin, Italy has decided to make a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle a priority for her city. Calls of "meat terrorism" commencing in three, two, one...

• If you are looking to travel and need a place to stay that supports your vegan/vegatarian lifestyle? Check out vegvisits.

• Adam Lambert used to be most famous for...something, something singing? Now he can add sneaking meat into vegan customer's foods and bragging about it on Instagram to his resume. *What's that? Hold on. Leaves to receive a call from his agent. Damn, I've just been informed by my agent that these are actually two different people with the same name. Let me go on record as saying that both of their resumes suffer because of this.

• PETA is sending vegan lobsters. Google is switching to vegan shrimp on their campus. Weird because I thought fish were already vegan?

• Ikea's food truck, as part of their #Togetherweeat campaign will be visiting some fine festivals across this country and handing out a free vegan stack (made with their vegan meatballs, pickled ginger, avocado, wasabi and eggless mayo). Question is, do you trust that those meatballs are actually vegan?

Recipes:

Chickpea and Vegetable Picnic Hand Pies by Tinned Tomatoes

These cute little hand pies were crafted completely by ingredients from Iceland. Don't you worry, there isn't anything super exotic that you won't be able to find in your local grocer. Well, except for the pönnukökur (kidding). 

Buffalo Quinoa Balls with Vegan Ranch Dipping Sauce by V Nutrition

Mary Ellen, of V Nutrition, and I have something in common. We both are in the habit of carrying a small hot sauce around in our purses wherever we go. You can judge me all you want about carrying a purse but I used to stick bottles of hot sauce in my pockets and they alway seemed to break and...um...get on stuff they shouldn't. I quickly learned carrying a purse beats burning genitalia any day of the week.

Vegan Mega Burger with Seitan from Sandra Vungi Vegan

Pan-fried seitan steaks, carrot cheese sauce, grilled vegetables all on a burger bun? This mega burger appears to offer a lot more variety than the other mega burger I cam across this week.

Mini Key Lime and White Chocolate Cheesecakes from PeacemealXO

These mini cheesecakes are the sole reason that I went out today, bought a bunch of key lime trees and planted them in my backyard. Big mistake. I read, post planting, that they are a pain in the ass to grow and maintain. Nothing's ever easy in the world of vegan cheesecakes.

Four for the Fourth: Vegan Whipped Cream

I don't even like whipped cream that much but yesterday, armed with a can full of aquafaba, I decided to make a batch. I took a half cup of aquafaba and a quarter cup of sugar, put them in my stand mixer and beat the living bean juice out of it for eleven minutes straight. I have to say, beat off aquafaba long enough and hard enough it will produce a really tasty white cream. As Michael Scott would say "That is totally not what she said." 

Any the who, here I am with a whole freezer full of whipped cream on the fourth of July. I've already slapped some daintily into my coffee this morning and layered some between slices french toast (also made with aquafaba). I have refrigerator full of berries so they will probably be getting the cream dream treatment as well. After that? Hmm...well, J-Fur is making a batch of bean and corn salad as well as a pasta salad. I bet those two could stand for a generous topping of whipped cream. I also have veggie burgers, Vegan Crunk's Cauliflower Gumbo and corn on the cob planned as well. Sounds like the perfect dishes to cover in cream. For the nightcap? Maybe a tofu, blueberry and chocolate pie with a dollop of whipped cream on top? Some vegan ice cream? Whipped cream out of the tub? I'm not sure, I just know that when it is the fourth of July and your freezer is full of sweet ass whipped cream, the sky is your oyster....or something like that.   

The four tracks I'll be enjoying on this fine fourth of July (all covered in cream)?

Louis the Child went for a simple ride on a cruise ship, wanting to "treat weekdays like the weekend." Next thing they know they are banging out the instrumental part of this song. When they returned to shore they got a hold of Icona Pop, had them drop some lines, and the rest, as they say, is 1776.



The video:



Last fourth of July it was White Reaper's "Last 4th of July" that got me all white and bothered. This year, it is White Lies. Their new single, "Take it Out on Me," was inspired by a "lunatic on Instagram who kept commenting on a friend’s photos in pseudo Biblical verse." The band did some digging and discovered that he lived in a remote cabin with a rough-looking dog. He put weird videos online where he quoted random numbers. As a challenge, White Lies turned those numbers into a song. The problem? The song worked so well. So lyricist, Charles Cave, went back and gave the song a real chorus and actual lyrics. "Take it Out on Me" is the first single from the band's upcoming, ten-track, Friends' album.



Burn Antares' new single "Young Gun" brings the fire to this fourth of July party. The song reminds me of the time that Blondie and David Bowie were shooting off fireworks together. Bowie was just fooling around and forgot to let go. Debbie Harry rushed in to help and, kaboom, both of them got the Jason Pierre Paul treatment. Doctors reattached their fingers although they accidentally gave Bowie's to Harry and vice versa. It was years before they were back in the same hospital and able to trade fingers back. So, the moral of the story, listen to Burn Antares, but remember to stand back. We don't need anyone else losing fingers up in here.



On July 15th, Swoon Records will be releasing Certainty, an LP from Seattle based indie/alternative rock band Sloucher.  The title track of that album, posted below, is the answer to a question I've pondered for years. What if Elliot Smith was like, you know, happy?



Previous Installments of Four for the Fourth:
Taste of Tuscany Cuban (2015)
The Tiki Terrier (2014)
Berry "Ice Cream" (2013)
Lime Chocolate Drizzled Sugar Cookies (2012)
Chocolate Raspberry Cupcakes with Chocolate Ganache (2011)
Vegetarian Sausage Reubens (2010)
Berry Tart (2009)

Artist's Cookbook: What's Cooking With Lukr?

 "Let me come by and pick you up, your tattooed heart is all I want, your cocaine (queso) kiss tastes like no other."
-Lukr

I am notorious for hearing what I want to hear when it comes to song lyrics. Even after my wife corrects me, I usually continue to roll with my original thought. That's mostly because I like what I came up with better. "Fucked Up Summer," the new single by Nashville musician Lukr, played out almost the exact opposite of this. I didn't mishear Lukr's lyrics. I knew from the beginning that he was comparing an unnamed woman's kiss to the addictive act of snorting white shit up your nose. But when Lukr approached me about pairing his song with a plant based queso, well, shit, I could no longer think about anything but the queso. That includes cocaine. Somewhere between my private shower concerts and the changing of my car's oil, Lukr's lyrics morphed from a cocaine kiss into a queso one.   While it drives my wife batty, I'm perfectly okay with this slight alteration.

Before we dive finger deep into Lukr's queso (he's a vegan y'all), let's explore his artistic side a bit. Lukr began making music as a kid on an $80 piano. In his teens he fronted a band called Farewell Flight. The band toured from one coast of the US to the other dozens of times playing hundreds of shows. Eventually Lukr wound up in Nashville where he began writing/collaborating with artists from LA, NY,  Australia and the UK. He spent some time writing songs for other people before making the leap into a solo career. "Fucked Up Summer" is Lukr's first solo single. It illustrates perfectly Lukr's self-described "nostalgic neon grunge pop." The track relates the varied emotions that come with a freshly severed relationship. There's the remorse and solitary angst brought on by what used to be, the longing negotiations designed to keep the two of you in touch for just a few more seconds/hours/days/weeks and the interspersed moments of power and invincibility that come with knowing your whole world has crumbled around you and your path is no longer as fixed as it once was. In short, Lukr implies that his fucked up summer is like a dangerous car ride, a drug addiction, Catholic guilt, a strung out paradise, a forgiving shower and queso all rolled into three months that have been boiled down into about four minutes.

So you already know what one cooks up with a track like this. In case you are afflicted with a disease that only allows you to retain information for a few milliseconds, let me remind you that it's queso. You pair this track with queso. But not just any brand of queso. This is a special, plant-based, vegan queso that Lukr has created in his own kitchen. You want the printable goods? Go here.

"Fucked Up Summer" in video form (it is most fun this way):



In audio form:

Food Pairing 101: What Goes Well With Little Wolves' New Single?

At the root of it "Alone" by Little Wolves is a song that captures the mixed bag of emotions that come with a breakup. On one hand, there is this feeling that you will never find love again, that you are inadequate and destined to remain cold and alone forever. At the same time, you realize that this sounds like the absolute worst hand that the world has ever dealt you. The quick fix is calls to you, suggesting that you just do what ever it takes to make things right and bring that lover back home. Even if the relationship wasn't good or the rocky ending isn't something that can be easily undone, there is still a desire to try. No one hates losing. No one likes the end.

You're probably thinking, why would I want to listen to a song that conjures up some of the worst experiences I've ever gone through? Why not just avoid the losing and ending if that is an option? Mainly because Little Wolves approach is to lose, end and hit those painful nerves with a magical smile on their face. "Alone" is cheery, its airy. Turn down the lyrics and you'd probably find yourself gliding through your day oblivious to the pain and torture happening around you. Musically, "Alone" is a great escape. And that is the brilliance of it. Escape with the pain. Emote while avoiding. It isn't often that a band is able to adequately capture the soaring and the ending in one three minute span of time. Little Wolves accomplished just this.

So what does one pair with a joint joyful and painful reminder? How about this Espresso Chocolate Hazelnut Cake Frosting by Unconventional Baker. The spread is like a vegan version of Nutella with a coffee twist. It pays homage to comfort foods like cake frosting and chocolate which pair nicely with a break-up. This is the emote part. The espresso, meanwhile, relates to those soaring and joyful moments that allow you to block out everything but what is right in front of you. This is the avoidance.

Click (Food): Ariana Grande Eats a Donut, Arkansas Capitol Gets Wonky, Vegan Truck Driver Loses 65 Pounds and Tofu Bibimbap Sandwiches

This week in the world of vegan food I met a vegan trucker who has lost 65 pounds since making the switch. I also came across an internet controversy that was started by a donut, Madison Square Garden and their lying ways, carrots invading queso and Shakshuka. Take it away, Morrissey:

Happenings:

• Here's something you don't see every day. Trucker Bobby Anderson has gone vegan (and lost 65 pounds doing so). Instead of convenience store food he powers his meals with his on truck waffle maker, pressure cooker, hot plate, toaster and Nutribullet. 


• Scott Jurek, vegan ultra marathoner, just became the fastest person to complete a supported-thru hike on the Appalachian Trail. He did the 2,189 mile journey in a little over 46 days, 8 hours and 7 minutes.


• Ariana Grande ate a f***ing donut. 


• A vegan cooking show flavored by Daisy Dukes? Yep, Pamela Anderson gets "sensual" with some "vegan" food. 


• Could the Arkansas Capitol grounds someday hold statues to celebrate veganism, satanism and Hinduism? One can only hope...


• Madison Square Garden didn't go cruelty free during Morrissey's concert like they promised. 

Recipes:

Korean Tofu Bibimbap Sandwiches from Connoisseurus Veg

Alissa over at Connoisseurus Veg starts her blog post about this sandwich by writing:

Garlicky veggies, kimchi, fresh spinach and pan-fried tofu drenched in spicy Korean red pepper sauce are stuffed into crusty rolls with vegan mayo to make these umami-packed bibimbap sandwiches.

I had to look up three-fourths of those words just to understand what she was saying. For those of you who are in the same boat as I was, fear not, I'll translate. (Google Translate): This sandwich looks and tastes amazing. It's Korean inspired and vegan. Now, go make it and call it whatever you want.

Vegan Chipotle Carrot Queso by Cookie and Kate

Carrots are like the undercover ninjas of the vegetable world. You'll catch them acting like hot dogs, disguising as hot sauce and hiding in cake. *Runs to the pantry and locks self in with a bag of tortilla chips and a plate of something creamy* But there is at least one world where carrots have yet to infiltrate, the queso...did you hear a knock? A knock at the door of my pantry? No? Still, let me just peek out to make sure there is nothing there. *Opens door* No. NO. NOOOOOO!

Don't try to run. Carrots will find you anywhere. 

Rosemary Strawberry Shortcakes from Boards & Knives

I'm a big fan of rosemary and strawberry. I'm an even bigger fan of strawberry and shortcake. This recipe sounds like a total win all the way around. 

Matcha Green Granola Bars from My New Roots

Yo, matcha. I tolerated you in my ice cream. But you kept coming over and bugging me. I enjoyed you in my limeade. You still wouldn't leave me alone. I fell pretty hard for you when you snuck into my cupcakes. That wasn't good enough for you. So you show up in my granola bars. You have me matcha, you have all of me. Keep pushing and this will turn into one of those codependent situations where I don't have a life outside of you. Do you really want me lying in bed next to you singing "The Freshman" by Verve Pipe? On repeat? Does that sound like something you'd enjoy?

Vegan Shakshuka with Sweet Potato and Tofu from Vegan Richa

I can count on one finger the number of dishes I have experienced from the North Africa-Tunisia region. This week I plan on raising another finger. Love that the egginess of the dish is replaced by sweet potatoes. 

Click (Food): Vegan Teslas, Beyonce's Indecision, Sunflower Seeds Posing as Risotto and Ben & Jerry's Dairy Free Experiments

So Beyonce can't decide if she is vegan or not, Tesla is getting some heat about replacing their leather interiors with the faux version, Ben & Jerry's is working on a coconut or almond milk based ice cream and you can kill someone with a swarm of angry bees and bananas? Here's some other food related matters that caught my eye this week:



Happenings:

• Beyonce can't decide if she is vegan or not


• Farm Spirit, Portland's first all vegan tasting menu is preparing for its debut (June 17th). Its already been booked through the first week in July.


• Ben & Jerry's is working on a vegan version of their frozen treat


• A pair of Tesla shareholders have asked for a vegan version of the car. The board of directors have recommended against implementing vegan changes in the car.


• Vegans like their junkfood (really, you don't say...I am actually linking to this article because it has a list of some pretty cool vegan snacks you can find online)


• Heather Mills: Saving a limb by going vegan


• Hella Vegan Eats: Vegan, but not healthy.

• 13 Vegan friendly businesses that inspire Business News Daily. 

Recipes:

Homemade Chocolate Nut Butter from Tinned Tomatoes

That cheapo store brand version of Nutella that I buy has milk in it. There's no biscotti dipping for me. Even the regular version of Nutella isn't vegan friendly. But Tinned Tomatoes version is. I already made a throat slashing gesture and told the bunch of bananas on my counter that they are about to get what's coming to them. They called back at me and said they would be under the beehive located on our porch. 

Sunflower Seed Risotto by My New Roots

Sarah, of My New Roots, replaced rice in her risotto with sunflower seeds. Where did she get the idea? A woman in Amsterdam. Sarah suggests that this idea sounded a bit "bizarre" at first. I'm not sure I could've stopped myself from responding "Are you high?" if someone brought that idea to me as I was teaching cooking classes in Amsterdam. I guess that is why my cooking classes are relegated to elementary schools in the deep south. 

Vanilla Macadamia Cheesecake from Neurotic Mommy

This cheesecake comes from Jennifer Rose of Neurotic Mommy. She started her blog because she worried about what she was feeding her kids. She reduced the amount of GMO's in her family's diet and learned how to eat organic on a budget. Good for her. I know a certain neurotic father who went the other route and fed his kids nothing but boxed meals. The current reality isn't a pretty one.

Green Chili Veggie Burgers from Minimalist Baker

I have a certain bit of amnesia when it comes to veggie burgers. I have to, otherwise I would quit trying. Every new version I come across looks better than the last and I just think, this one is the one that will hold up under the pressures of a bun and not wind up needing to be eaten by a fork. And disappointment ensues. This will be my next foray, crossing my green chilis that this will be the one.

Vegan Peach, Cherry and Blueberry Crumble from Healthy Nibbles and Bits

Crumbles with one fruit in them are so awesome. Healthy Nibbles and Bits says yeah, one fruit crumbles are pretty good. But three fruit crumbles are even better. I'm convinced.  

Cook: Guacamole Wonton Salad

After a hard night drinking shots of Shirley Temples and Dr. Pepper, J-Fur loves to start reminiscing about all the places she has traveled and the adventures that took place while she was there. Her most recent story involved a steaming pot of queso fundido, bogus taxi drivers and cops with semi-automatic weapons. Sometimes I swear she is making this stuff up. I'm told that queso fundido is a communal treat in Northern Mexico. It consists of Mexican cheese (typically Oaxaca or Chihuahua) that has been either broiled or flambeed. The cheese, which is traditionally topped with chorizo, is served while still hot. It is usually spooned onto tortillas and then eaten. 

Slightly jealous of her story, I wanted to create my own queso fundido adventure. But since queso fundido is hardly vegan (and most times not even vegetarian) I decided to replace the cheese with a giant bowl of guacamole. So instead of queso fundido, we had an evening of guaco fundido. To make things even more adventurous I invited our neighbors, the dudes with the fishing poles and machetes, to stand and watch us eat. Unfortunately, we ran out of tortilla before the guacamole was cashed, and our machete toting neighbors wouldn't let us leave to get more (or was it that I was already in for the night, wearing my alligator pajamas and slippers, and had no desire to go and purchase more?). A search of the pantry turned up some wonton wrappers and I figured they were....who am I kidding. They weren't even close. But, like I said in the beginning, I wanted an adventure. So, using the wonton wrappers as is, we dipped them into the guacamole. Terrible. But I felt enough of a tickle on my tastebuds that I was inspired to continue pursuing a guacamole and wonton pairing. That's how this salad came into existence.

Guacamole Wonton Salad

(printable version)

For the guacamole:

-3 avocados

-juice of one lime

-1 clove of garlic, pressed

-quarter of an onion, small dice

-salt

For the dressing:

-2 1/2 Tbs. Maple Syrup

-2 Tbs. Balsamic Vinegar

-3 Tbs. Lime Juice

-2 small garlic cloves, pressed

For the wontons:

-wonton wrappers

-bowl of water

-peanut sauce (for frying)

-guacamole

For the salad:

-mixed greens

-1/2 pint cherry tomatos, quartered

-1 cup black beans

For the drizzle:

-vegan ranch dressing

-hot sauce

1. For the guacamole: Place the avocados in a bowl and mash them with a fork or potato masher. Add the garlic, onions, lime juice and salt to taste. Stir until the flavors have meshed together. Spread the guacamole on the bottom of a square, glass baking dish. Cover the dish with plastic wrap, making sure the wrap touches the top of the guacamole. Place in the freezer for an hour.

2. For the dressing: Mix all the ingredients in a bowl. Whisk until combined.

3. For the salad: Mix the greens and cherry tomatoes in a large bowl. Cover with the desired amount of dressing. Add the black beans on top and toss until the dressing has been mixed in. Set aside.

4. For the wontons: Heat about an inch of oil in a pan over medium heat. When it shimmers, the oil is ready for frying. Take about a tablespoon of guacamole (should be stiff but not completely frozen) and place in the middle of a wonton wrapper. Dip your finger in water and run it along the edges of the wrapper. Fold diagonally overtop of the guacamole and seal the wonton wrapper (use additional water if necessary). Place four wontons in the oil at a time. Fry for a minute and forty five seconds on the first side. Flip and fry for an additional minute on the other side. Using tongs, pull the wontons out of the oil and place on a paper towel lined plate. Repeat until all the guacamole has been used.

5. For the drizzle: Mix some vegan ranch dressing with a teaspoon (or more) of hot sauce.

6. To arrange the salad: Spoon the mixed green mixture onto a plate. Top with the guacamole wontons. Drizzle the vegan ranch mixture overtop. Grab your creepiest neighbors and make it a party!

This dish parties like this.

Cook: The Killboy Powerhead Sandwich

(originally posted June 5, 2013) 

Almost 20 years ago the Offspring put out their only full-length album worth owning in its entirety (that would be Smash in case you are confused). At the time, I thought Smash (and to an even greater extent Out Come the Wolves by Rancid) were like nothing I had ever heard before. They were magical. So magical that when my American History teacher asked me to make him a mixtape of alternative songs that the "cool kids" were listening to, I loaded it with a bunch of Offspring and Rancid songs (Give me a break, I was very new to the art of making mixtapes). One song I didn’t include from Smash was the opening track “Time to Relax.” That was a wasted track that I hated for years.

Recently I have grown to appreciate "Time to Relax" a bit more. It was a cheesy intro to the nonstop train ride that was about to take place. Older folks sometimes need that, a bit of a warm up and stretching out before the actual event kicks off. I still don’t listen to "Time to Relax", ever, but I do appreciate it for old people's sake.

Like “Time to Relax” last night’s meal (Pumpkin Seed Pesto with Pasta, Green Olives and
Shiitake Mushrooms) was meant to set the stage. It was an opening, put you in the mood kind of dish. The main purpose behind the pumpkin seed pesto was for tonight’s dish, a sandwich I dub the Killboy Powerhead in honor of Smash (though for relevancy's sake I won’t be pairing any Offspring songs with it). The Killboy Powerhead combines pumpkin seed pesto with buffalo style portobello mushrooms and vegan cajun coleslaw to create a spicy, garlicky, cream dream come true. Like Smash and Out Come the Wolves it was truly magical. Its memory will live with my taste buds for all eternity.

The Killboy Powerhead
(printable version)

For the pesto:
-1 cup pumpkin seeds
-1/2 cup olive oil
-4 garlic cloves
-2 Tbs. white miso
-2 Tbs. nutritional yeast
-juice of two limes
-2 bunches of basil leaves

For the portobello:
-1 large portobello cap, sliced into strips
-corn starch (1/2 to 1 Tbs)
-few drops vegan milk
-flour (I used rice flour for a gluten free
experience)
-salt and pepper
-hot sauce
-mixed greens
-bread
-canola oil (for frying)

For the cajun cole slaw:
-1/4 cup vegan mayo
-1/2 Tbs. apple cider vinegar
-1/2 tsp. cajun seasoning
-1/2 tsp. sugar
-1 head of Romaine lettuce
-1 tomato, diced
-1 green onion, minced

For the sandwich:
-avocado
-Ciabatta bread

1. Heat the canola oil in a cast iron skillet.

2. Place the flour in a bowl. In another bowl, mix the corn starch with vegan milk. You want enough liquid to create a cover for the flour to bind to. It should be a little bit thinner than paste. Shake off
excess and dredge in flour. Carefully put the mushroom into the shimmering oil and heat until it is lightly browned. Use a spatula to flip the mushroom and brown the other side as well. Remove from the oil with a slotted spoon and place on a paper towel-lined plate. Pat the mushroom dry. Repeat until all mushrooms slices have been used. Drain any excess oil from the skillet and return it to the stovetop.

3. Put the fried and patted dry mushrooms slices into a large metal bowl. Pour in the hot sauce and salt and pepper. Flip the mushrooms a few times until they are completely covered by sauce.

4. Pour the mushrooms and buffalo sauce back into the cast iron skillet. Heat until the sauce sticks to
the mushrooms.

5. Place all the ingredients for the pesto into a food processor. Pulse until mostly smooth. Add a bit more olive oil for a saucier version.

6. Make the coleslaw by whisking together the mayo, vinegar and sugar.

7. Mix the romaine, tomato and green onion in another bowl. Add the vinegar mixture. Stir until it
is coated.

8. To put the sandwiches together: cut the Ciabatta bread in half. Spread the pumpkin seed pesto on
the bottom half. Cover the top with very thinly sliced avocado and the coleslaw. Place some buffalo bellas on top and cover with the other slice of bread. Take a bite….die a little inside.

Eat it with this.

Click (Food): Feetpies, Cavities, Vegan Mini Malls, Red Lentil Doughnuts and Other Food Items That Caught My Eye

Vegan's supposedly get more cavities. They say it is because some amino acid that's in meat and dairy helps protect teeth. Of course they also say that vegan dishes are "moisture-deprived and flavor-free" and I certainly know that's not true. But, just to be on the safe side, I'll change up my mouthwash. Here's some other foodie things that caught my eye this week:





Happenings:

• Steve O. wants Wendy's to start selling a veggie burger and (good news!) they've been testing one


• Do vegans get more cavities?


• The Gothamist shares the 10 best vegan-friendly meat-serving restaurants in Brooklyn


• Portland's Vegan Mini Mall


• The New York Post has some choice words for Morrissey and the rest of the "vegan lunatic fringe"


• Daniel Negreanu, vegan poker player

Recipes:

Winter Rainbow Panzanella from My New Roots

Got the wintertime doldrums because your food is only one color? Sarah does. She combats those blues by creating a rainbow of colors and flavors with this Panzanella. 

Cinnamon Chai Baked Red Lentil Doughnuts by The Plant Strong Vegan

Red lentils for dessert? I know my local tea house does it but will it really satisfy? 

Spicy Chickpea Burrito Bowl from the Whole Serving

I think burrito bowls are so lame. One of the best parts of the burrito, save the guacamole, is the burrito itself. I probably feel this way because most burrito bowls are just globs and globs of lettuce with some beans and rice on top. Enter the Whole Serving's version of a burrito bowl. It is chock full of tofu, chickpeas, avocado and tomatoes with only a tiny smattering of lettuce. It has really changed my opinion of burrito bowl culture.

Mexican Chocolate Tortilla Chip Pie from Our Four Forks

Wait, you mean to tell me I can make pie crust from tortilla chips? Hold the salsa man. Why haven't I seen this before? It's definitely not for lack of trying. I've had a subscription to Mexican Food Illustrated since 1996. I've oogled every single centerfold that has been featured. Not once were tortilla chips used to make a dessert pie. Thank you Our Four Forks.

Lentil Hand Pies with Walnut Pesto from Delish Knowledge

Alex's handpies are gorgeous. I'm not sure how she was able to get them to sit on a cloud in her top picture but she honestly could've sat these pies on top of a back alley trashcan and they'd still look divine. The clouds just promote them to supernatural status. My handpies never come out so perfectly. They are always misshapen and deformed. I should probably just start making feetpies. That way I have an excuse for why they look wonky.

Where We Eat: Stage Left

Stop me if you've heard this one. Two lovers walk into a bar. Its a dark, dingy place that smells of alcohol even though it is only two o'clock in the afternoon. The stage that was occupied by a singer-songwriter last night, now sits empty and barren. The two lovers don't drink. They aren't here to, what's the lame ass word proper drinkers use, imbibe, they have come for the food.

No? Keep going? Alright.

The food isn't your typical bar food. Its healthy and fresh and locally purchased from other small businesses when possible. There is no frying in the kitchen. Instead of burgers and onion rings, you'll find the menu covered with African Peanut Soup, Thai Noodles, Mexican Gumbo and a Mediterranean Plate. This is the story of Stage Left.

Stage Left is a relatively new bar located in the Lutz area. It is the brainchild of husband and wife duo  Brian and Isabelle Dunleavy. According to an article in the New Tampa Neighborhood News, Brian is the one with the restaurant experience but Isabelle is the one who inspired the menu. The couple modeled it after the way she cooks at home, fresh ingredients with lots of vegan and vegetarian options.

Ever since I first visited, to celebrate myself, I've been been trying to find a time where J-Fur and I could go there together. We were finally able to arrange it last week. After being seated, the waiter gave us some time to look over the menu. We were buried pages deep when he returned and told us about their new guacamole. It was so new that it wasn't even on the menu yet. That sounded good to us, so we put in an order.

       The Chips and Guacamole

The guacamole had a nice lime and garlic flavor. I was absolutely ecstatic that they didn't ruin it by putting that terrible, no good, downright rotten, cilantro in it (and if they did, they masked it well). I felt like the ratio of chips to dip was great. I ran out of both of them at the same time (and this wasn't me skimping on the guac either, I was really digging in). On my previous visit, I settled on the Mexican Gumbo as a main course. I was stoked to see that a restaurant in the area offered a rice dish that wasn't fried rice. It was a good dish, certainly something I'd do again, but it didn't have that epic feel to it. I wanted to branch out and try one of their other vegan offerings so I went with a bowl of African Peanut Soup and the Mediterranean platter. The platter wasn't my first choice. I had my heart set on the COLD Thai Noodles (cold is emphasized as it seems a lot of people mistakenly order them expecting a heated dish). But, alas, they were all out. J-Fur chose the Farmhouse Melt (mozzarella, tomato, basil, and balsamic reduction on farmhouse bread).

       The African Peanut Soup

The African Peanut Soup is both gluten free and vegan. It consists of sweet potatoes, ginger, peanuts and fresh veggies. With that combination, it should come as no surprise that the soup was sweet. I was fine with the sweetness but my mother-in-law, who visited earlier in the week, thought it was too much. Just take note, if you aren't into sweet soups, steer clear. The consistency was smooth, save for the peanuts that were bobbing on the surface.

        The Mediterranean Plate

With Mediterranean Plate's you never know what you are going to get. I'm not talking about what's on the plate, you pretty much know it will be some combo of flatbread, tapenade and hummus, I'm talking more about the quality and portions. There are too many places that skimp on the flatbread, serve you a ton of dip and wonder why you ask for more. Actually, no they don't, they just take your money as you pay for a second helping to finish off the dip. Is it really that hard to give me enough pita for my dip? Thankfully Stage Left doesn't have that problem. As you can see in the picture, there is ample flatbread to go around. If, by some chance, you do run out...well, that's where the carrots and cucumbers come in handy. I was a big fan of the tapenade, all chunky and easy to handle. I liked the flavor of the hummus, a grand little flair, though I prefer mine to be a bit creamier in consistency.

        The Farmhouse Melt

J-Fur's sandwich certainly looked good. The bread was pressed and crispy and provided a fabulous contrast to the gooey cheese and tomato interior. Based on the ingredients, J-Fur expected a memorable sandwich. By her estimation the Farmhouse Melt was good but not memorable. She craved an exotic pesto to elevate it deity level.

There is a lot to like at Stage Left. They've got drinking and live music. On top of that, they have a unique menu that offers a lot of quality food that tastes fresh and homemade. The bar has options y'all. Especially for people with extreme diets as their menu has a number of gluten free, vegan and vegetarian options.

Will I be back? You bet ya. I need to find a way to get my hands on those Thai Noodles.



I'd pair Stage Left with a side of Yukon Blonde's "Como". The track is all about spending the night together. Stage Left was just the beginning of a full day affair for us, one that saw Yukon Blonde repeated over and over. That is until the evening ended in a former ice hockey rink dancing to Passion Pit.

Memorial Day Munchies: Sweet Potato Pate

Happy Memorial Day! I am finalizing plans to fill my day with vegan veggie burgers and tacos. The plan is to cover the veggie burgers’ nakedness with this lovely sweet potato pate (100 percent of the pate, zero percent of the duck parts). One minor change I made from Andrea’s version is I vinegarized it with an apple cider twist because of the lack of the white wine version here in this homestead. Oh yeah, and I didn’t put any truffle salt in it. I tried to put a mortgage on my apartment so I could buy me a container of this expensive little spice but the

apartment complex wasn’t too keen on that idea. I also tried to sell one of my cats but that only netted me six dollars. In the end I went without. 

The final tally? A mighty fine piece of work even with the changes…

Pair this pate with another mighty fine piece of work from Jerseyites Boxed Wine. They’ve got a new full length entitled Cheap, Fun (but are you really surprised…I mean you knew this was coming). The band offered me their super secret recipe for boiling water to go along with the album but I think this sweet potato pate works a little better. It is a bit more upbeat. That’s not a knock on boiling water which is certainly upbeat. It’s just that the pate knows how to grove in a way that boiling water doesn’t. Still, there will be a time and place for their secret recipe. Don’t you worry, I won’t forget. Back to the album. I was quite surprised to see that my favorite track from their Cheap, Fun EP, “Bones,” did not make the cut of the full length version (why should I have been…I mean I knew this was coming). No worries because the tracks that replaced it are just as fun and fabulous (if not a bit more) as that one. Especially bounce worthy are the two openers “Into the Nite” and “Cannibal.” Lyrically, how can you argue with Boxed Wine’s traveling to the ends of the earth for off the beaten track inspiration in the form of a cannibal that suffers a heart attack. That’s better than any of the elusive witch doctors that society has been subjected to over the years. Musically speaking, the tracks require a bit of hand jiving or Carltoning or Tebowing, whatever your dance of choice is. Just don’t forget the dramatic hipster irony. That makes all the difference in the world. Buy Cheap, Fun here.

"Cannibal":

"Into the Night":

Cook: Ms. Smith Comes to Tampa Boiled Peanut Hummus

It was suggested one time in Cedar Key that, "A person hasn't experienced Florida unless they've tried boiled peanuts." It took me seven years but I finally "experienced" Florida. As I slurped one peanut down after another I was surprised to find the texture and taste oddly reminiscent of a bean. I thought nothing more of this similarity until a Facebook response suggested that if I made boiled peanut hummus there would be a willing taste tester. Brilliant idea! So that's exactly what I did on Sunday (between the potatoes and homemade Oreos).

Ms. Smith Comes to Tampa Boiled Peanut Hummus
(printable version)

-1 lb of peanuts
-pot of water
-salt
-Cajun seasoning
-1 Tbs. olive oil
-1/4 cup water
-2 garlic cloves
-Cajun seasoning (to taste)
-salt (to taste)
-parsley
-pita

1. Place peanuts in a huge pot. Fill the pot almost to the top with water. Pour in some salt and Cajun seasoning. Place a lid upside down on the pot (if you filled the water high enough this will hold the peanuts under). Boil for six hours adding more water as necessary.

2. Drain the peanuts in a colander. Allow to cool. Remove the nuts from the shell and place in a food processor. Once all peanuts have been removed, discard the shells.

3. Pour olive oil, garlic, water, Cajun seasoning and salt in food processor. Pulse until peanuts are smooth (add more water if you would like the hummus smoother). Garnish with parsley.

4. Serve on top of toasted pita. Open wide and experience Florida.