Click (Food): PETA Gets Sexy, Veggans Get A Name, National Hog Farmers Blog Gets Sour and Austin Possibly Gets a Vegan Milk Shake Truck

PETA gets sexy, veggans try to gain footing in the world of classifications, the National Hog Farmers blog has no sense of humor and Raw Matcha Brownies are just some of the many things that caught my eye this month. Here are some other things: 

Happenings:

• Whoa boy. If you thought television execs got their panties in a wad because of Janet Jackson's nip slip during the Super Bowl halftime show, imagine how far those things would be riding up their ass if PETA was able to show their new ad. Be thankful, chicken wing eater guy, that this video won't show. Otherwise your wife/girlfriend might be seeking out someone new during the second half.

• Quorn faces a lawsuit because their customers don't know how to Google "mycoprotein."

• As if "vegetarians" who eat fish, lacto-ovo, pollo-vegetarians, flexitarians, freegans, and cannibal-vegetarians weren't enough of a cluster**** we've now got a new classification in town. Veggans and their veganism with eggs designation are tearing up Instagram to the point that Yahoo felt the need to write about it.

• Seriously Austin, you can go (insert disgusting sexual reference here). You have a vegan taco trailer, vegan yacht, vegan bbq, vegan banana stand and vegan brunch truck roaming your streets. Why do you need a possible vegan milk shake truck? Can't we get some of that love here in Florida? 

• A Swiss vegan is declared unfit for military service because he refuses to wear any leather. The weird thing is, and I know it is Switzerland a country that doesn't really poke their noses into other people's affairs, this dude is cool with not killing animals but okay with offing humans?


• Vegan petroleum jelly is now available. It is made of "avocado and other types of fruit and vegetable oil that is converted into jelly." My calloused nipples thank you Keys. 

• Minnesota's vegan butcher shop, the first in the US, saw its grand opening last week. The National Hog Farmer Blog was not amused. 

Recipes:

Gluten-Free Thin Mint Cookies by Where You Get Your Protein?

When that little Girl Scout Approached me and asked me to buy some cookies I took her ordering form and looked for the most vegan friendly cookie there was. Turns out Thin Mints are now vegan. So why would anyone want to go to the trouble of making their own when they can just find some cute little girl scout to order from? I can only think of two reasons to make your own. One, the Girl Scout version is expensive as f***. Two, you need a gluten free take on it. Where You Get Your Protein's version takes care of, at the very least, the latter of these reasons. 

Smoky Vegan Macaroni and Cheese by Blissful Basil

I once put smoked paprika on a piece of chewing gum covered in cat fur. That is the only time that smoked paprika has ever failed to create something fabulous. Seeing Ashley over at Blissful Basil include it in her macaroni and cheese dish makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

Oven Fried Popcorn Cauliflower Bites from Let's Be Vegan

I've never eaten at Red Lobster or Long John Silvers or any other place that serves popcorn shrimp so I have no history with the dish. My imagination tells me that little popcorn morsels probably taste like Baltimore. I'll finally get my answer when I try these out next weekend during the Super Bowl.

Raw Matcha Brownies from Becoming Ness

These brownies look exactly like the ones my mom used to make (except they don't come from a box, have green on top, include matcha, aren't baked, include dates and cacao, are sweetened by rice malt and include nuts). Other than those few differences, I could be sitting on my mom's lap downing a plate of these. 

Cook: Brussels Sprouts with Kimchi

Every fall from 1981 to 1993 the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk would take a brief hiatus from celebrating whatever fruits go into margaritas and other alcoholic party drinks in order to pay tribute to the way underrated (at the time) Brussels sprout. The annual Brussels Sprout Festival featured a whimsical array of activities and Brussels sprout themed dishes. You could get your hands on some brussels pizza, ice cream or even have the vegetable candied. For those who weren't fans, there was the brussels sprout toss and the brussels sprout driving range. Sadly, for some, the event was cancelled due to lack of interest in 1993 (present day there is a Brussels Sprout Festival that is held in Rogersville, New Brunswick each August).

The reason I share this little tidbit of information is because in my household growing up, at least from when I was five until I turned fifteen, my mother kept a one way ticket to Santa Cruz pinned to a cork board. Anytime I started giving her sh** or did something stupid she would point at that ticket and threaten me with a visit to my Aunt Starla during the Brussels Sprout Festival. I hated the idea of those little veggies so much (I mean, I never actually had one because they didn't come from a can), that just one point towards that ticket was enough for me to straighten up. Unfortunately for my mom the event got cancelled right before I went to high school. I found out about it when my aunt accidentally spilled the beans. My mom has never mentioned it but I know she spent a lot of time during my high school years wishing that she could still use that ticket as punishment.

Nowadays you won't find me hiding from the brussels sprout train. I'm onboard. In fact, some days I'm conducting it. My latest obsession is Brussels sprouts with Kimchi. This European-Asian-West Coast fusion dish comes together like this:

Brussels Sprouts with Kimchi (adapted slightly from a Vegetarian Times recipe)
(printable version)

-1 pound Brussels sprouts, halved (ends trimmed)
-3 Tbs. olive oil
-2 Tbs. nutritional yeast
-1 tsp. sea salt
-1/2 tsp. black pepper
-1/4 cup water
-1 cup kimchi

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Toss the Brussels sprouts with the oil, nutritional yeast, salt and pepper.

2. Spread the Brussels sprouts in a square baking dish. Pour the water over top. Bake 25 to 30 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the water has largely evaporated.

3. Toss the Brussels sprouts with the kimchi. Eat them. Or throw them. Your choice.

Soundtrack this fusion dish.

Merry Listmas 2015: The Food

Before the calendar turns to 2016, let’s reminisce about the finer things that food in 2015 had to offer (click on the picture for recipes and blog posts).

Favorite Sandwiches:



Main Attractions




Favorite Bread Recipes



Favorite Sides



Favorite Salads




Some Other Favorites of the Year:

Favorite I Feel Like a Drinker Drink (Minus the Morning Hangover)
Kombucha. 2015 seemed to be the year of Kombucha (as far as I'm concerned) as all the cool hangouts started selling this fermented tea drink. I drank myself a glass (or bottle) at The Blind Tiger, Kaleisia, Cider Press Cafe, Tampa Bay Veg Fest, Crave and Co. and Market on South. I even experienced a homemade batch courtesy of my friend Bob. Throughout the year I repeatedly found myself enjoying the SCOBY culture created by local brewers Mother and Humble Bumble kombucha.

Best Coffee Class, Coffee Drink and Vegan Brunch Hosting
The Blind Tiger Cafe. In case you couldn't tell, I spent a lot of time there this year.

Best Craft Coffee Bean Roaster:
Buddy Brew. Not only can you choose from a variety of different flavors but you can also talk to someone who knows what the hell they are doing. It has helped me make a much better coffee at home.

Best Holiday Themed Coffee/Drink
Cornerstone Coffee. From their gingerbread chai with coconut milk to their peppermint mocha with cashew milk, I've enjoyed everything I've put my lips around at Cornerstone Coffee. Well, except that one thing...

Best Vegan Dessert
Sweet Action Ice Cream. I had a chance to return to Denver this year. Number three on my list of places to visit was Sweet Action Ice Cream. There product was as creamy and dreamy as I remembered. The only downside, no fruit flavor when we strolled through town. I had to "settle" for a pumpkin dish. If all settling was this good, well, s*** I'd "settle" daily.

Best Vegan Brunch and Burger (outside of the Tampa Bay Area)
City O' City (Denver). Any place that serves savory waffles topped with vegan cheese and green chili is a-ok in my book. Throw in a vegan burger that makes the Big Mac look like a midget and you've got a place that is worthy of traveling long distances for.

Best Vegan Brunch (in the Tampa Bay Area):
Cafe Hey. It certainly ain't cheap, but it is definitely a delight.

Best Vegan Cupcakes in Tampa:
Vegg'd Out Vegan Kitchen. Not sure where this crew is going to set up shop next but I hope they get to it sooner rather than later. Their cupcakes are on point.

Best Cuban Bread:
La Segunda Central. Actual palm fronds on top tell me all I need to know about this bread. Throw in the fact that it doesn't cost an arm and a leg and I wander why anyone would buy from anywhere else.

Best Appetizer:
Datz's Buffalo Cauliflower. An entire head that is served with a knife sticking out of it. Get it during half price app hour and you will definitely feel like you got your money's worth.

Best Fried Yucca
Las Palmas Cafe

Best Sandwich
The Local House's Fried Green Tomato Sandwich.

Best Snack Bar:
Kind bars. You guys showed up almost everywhere and I enjoyed every moment of it. The fact that you are such a customer driven company is the chocolate drizzle on the granola bar.

Best Bread I Can't Buy In Stores
Jamison B. Breadhouse Bakes. I smell your bread baking in Ybor, I have eaten it at The Local Public House & Provisions yet I can't purchase it because you only do wholesale. So, so sad. Thank God I got that new violin for Christmas.

Best You Can Buy Vegan Food Here(?) Bar: 
Stage Left.

Best Corporate Chain Store Vegan Meatballs:
Ikea baby. Their constant pushing of the envelope resulted in vegan meatballs being added to their stores menu. Just another reason they are poised to take over the world (if they haven't already done so).

Most Inventive Vegetarian Sushi Line
Takara Sushi. I wasn't super impressed during my first visit to Takara, mainly because they didn't have a lot of vegetarian sushi to offer. The owner insisted, via Yelp, that his crew was in the process of coming up with a vegetarian sushi line. I made a return trip there this year to try it out (and then another and another). Not only did they make an entire line of vegetarian sushi but they got inventive with it. They didn't just go with the simple, mundane rolls that you can get anywhere. These flavor combinations seemed like they were crafted by people who actually care about vegetables, not just thrown together as an accompaniment to raw fish.

Best Bowl (and food truck)
Give and Grub

Vegan Restaurant of the Year
Market on South. When J-Fur and I travel anywhere, long before we leave the plane/car/boat and set foot on foreign soil, I already have a pretty good idea where I want to eat. That's what makes the fact that we accidentally (read luckily) wound up at my favorite vegan restaurant of 2015 pretty remarkable. When I arrived in Orlando for a weekend stay, I had no idea that Market on South existed. But thanks to a tip by an employee at a disappointing coffee shop, I showed up there. I didn't expect much (that's how disappointing that coffee shop was). What I got was beyond my wildest dreams. What I love about Market on South is that it is a joint venture by three independent businesses, something that you don't see too often in the business world. The restaurant has a total DIY/punk/mainstream f*** off feel to it. But attitude and independence is one thing, delivering the goods is something completely different. All three business partners (Valhalla Bakery, Humble Bumble Kombucha and Dixie Dharma) deliver. Whether you are enjoying the amazing Fried Green Tomato Sandwich, Cheezy Potatoes and Brussels Sprouts dished out by Dixie Dharma or the out of this world Lavender and Vanilla Bean Yolo baked up by Valhalla Bakery or the light and refreshing Citron Kombucha brewed by Humble Bumble, Market on South will not disappoint. That's because these vendors put taste, quality, plant-based and dairy-free first and foremost on their agenda. That's why Market on South is my vegan restaurant of the year.

Click (Food): Printable Gummies, Star Wars Macaroons, Social Justice Themed Vegan Bars and Spaghetti Squash Tater Tots

Printable gummies, terrible airports for vegans, Star Wars macaroons are just some of what caught my eye this week. Here's all that, and more:

Happenings:

• Dude, what I wouldn't give for some vegan gummy candy, in my hand, right now. But I don't want to drive all the way to Whole Foods to get some. If only l could use a 3D printer and  print my own vegan gummy candy. That would be awesome. 

• Where is the absolutely worst airport for a vegan to have a layover? According to Washington, DC based Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine it is Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport. 

• The first ever social justice themed vegan bar is opening in Asheville. As J-Fur so cynically pointed out, it will be run by white people (minus the head chef who appears to be African-American).


• PETA offered vegan lunch to the high school students at Roosevelt (in Chicago) who are boycotting their unhealthy school lunches.

Recipes:

Dark Cherry Filled Cookie Dough Truffles by The Plant Strong Vegan

On Friday, one of my co-workers made me a batch of cookie dough truffles for my birthday. I thought they were decent enough. But after checking out these, I knew I had missed out. Cherry would've made all the difference in the world. 

Galaxy Macaroons by Avocados and Ales

Apparently these macaroons were inspired by some sci-fi movie that came out last week. I wouldn't know anything about that. Unless J-Fur makes me know something about that, then things might change.

Spaghetti Squash Tater Tots from She Likes Food

I get so bored with spaghetti squash. I always do the same thing with it. Scrape it out, put some veggies and tomato sauce on it and eat it like real spaghetti. But here's something different. Spaghetti squash tater tots. Yo, spaghetti squash. I'm back!

Vegan Black Forest Parfaits from Veg News

Chocolate sponge cake, liquor soaked cherries and vanilla cream. If this dessert truly was a forest, I'd be looking to get lost in it.

Click (Food): Why Meat is for Pussies, Lobster Mushroom Shellfish Towers, a German Penis and Mashed Potato Waffles

Here's some of what's been going on in the world of vegan foods:

Happenings:

• Frivolous lawsuit alert: A restaurant that used to be popular with Crossfitters until they made the switch to an all vegan menu is being sued by investors for making that switch. Can I get away with suing restaurants for not making the switch? I'm gonna give it a try. First up, Applebee's. I'll let you know how it goes.

• John Joseph, frontman for punk band Cro-Mags and Ironman Athlete shares Why meat is (still) for pussies.

• David Carter, 300 pound vegan lineman for the Chicago Bears, eats 10,000 plant strong calories a day.


• This Bento Rice Bowl project by Chi-So NYC is the kind of thing that makes the rest of the world hate New York City so much. Those people just get all kinds of nice things. 

• You swore up and down that it couldn't be done. Chef Tal Ronnen showed you otherwise. Crossroads in LA has taken that great splurge meal, the Shellfish Tower, and come up with a vegan version chock full of lobster...mushrooms.

• I dated this vegan/gluten free girl once and she never wore lipstick. I asked her why and she told me they just don't make lipstick in vegan and gluten free flavors. Bella Reina is out the change that. Their Rebel Red Lipstick is gluten free, animal product free and chemical free. A triumvirate of free. With so much free floating around, it probably shouldn't come as a surprise that there is a Reagan involved. Nancy Reagan is the creator of Bella Reina. No, not that one. That one.  

• I don't know any German (outside of Schnitzel) but when I see vegan and penis together it makes me wonder what kind of freaky stuff is going on. 

Recipes:

Simple Mashed Potato Waffles by Crazy Vegan Kitchen

I always wondered what became of the mountain of mashed potatoes that were used in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I assumed it was churned into gnocchi. If Crazy Vegan Kitchen had her way, they became waffles.   

California Burrito Tacos by Fettle Vegan

Another person telling me that because I don't live in California, I don't know Mexican food. While these people are probably right, isn't there a nicer way of saying it? Like maybe not saying it at all? I've been doing this same style of tacos recently with yucca fries on top. What was that? Did you hear it? Oh, it was only Mexo-California Taco Lady rolling over in her grave. Her dead self is wondering just how the communists were able to pull that one off. 

Bourbon Vanilla Bean Scones from Morsels & Moonshine

There's a reason why I've never infused bourbon with vanilla bean. I don't want my family to find me drunk on the side of the road. I may have to risk it for these scones. 

Beer Battered Artichoke Hearts from Neurotic Mommy

I love Neurotic Mommy and completely get where she is coming from. Who doesn't want to feed their family only the finest foods? But I do have to say that sometimes I worry about what's going on in her head. Take these Artichoke Hearts. Neurotic Mommy dubs these artichoke hearts Three Ingredient Beer Battered Artichoke Hearts. The ingredients? Beer, flour, artichoke hearts, salt and pepper. Count 'em up and let me know what you get because no matter how I arrange the ingredients, I don't wind up counting three. 

Zucchini Tater Tots from She Likes Food

Whatever you do do not try to bake these on wax paper. I had a friend who did that. Things didn't go as planned. 

Click (food): Marijuana Laced Pretzels That Are Dairy Free, Tel Aviv for Vegan Travelers, New Butcher Goes Vegan App and Chia Waffle Cones

In my blind taste test this week, here are some of the things I liked best:

Happenings:

• My Auntie Dolores disappeared when I was five years old. I distinctly remember the DEA rolling up to her farm about a week after she left it behind looking for her. I've always wondered why. I also sort of wondered, what became of her. (c'mob, she was weird okay). Now I think I finally have my answer to both questions. Auntie Dolores is that you in California making all those marijuana laced pretzels that are (gasp!) vegan and sugar free?                 

• A Brooklyn arsonist is caught on tape setting a popular vegan restaurant on fire. After perusing Yelp reviews, I think I've got a few suspects. Suspect numero uno? The girl who said "This place deserves to go up in smoke for serving me food like this."


• A pretty hilarious blind vegan vs meat taste test on Good Mythical Morning with Rhett and Link 


• The Daily Meal names their nine best destinations for Vegan Travelers. In a bit of a surprise, to me at least, Tel Aviv is given top honors.


• Could Google be entering the vegan meat market? I know some people might be scared off by this report but I see it as a total positive. Imagine the possibilities if Google Now were to begin updating cards based on what I've eaten. Or better yet, what Google's "meat" observes on the way down and out. Eat the meat one day, the next day your phone recommends all the top rated colon doctors in town. That's a win in my book.

• Hey gamer, the butcher goes vegan is now available for both iPhones and Android devices.

Recipes:

Chia Waffle Cones featuring Maple Peanut Butter Ice Cream by Vegan in the Freezer

Whatevs on the ice cream. Don't get me wrong, I like peanut butter and maple and all, but what really drew me to this recipe was the chia waffle cone. That thing is magical. I could see hauling a couple hundred of those cones along on my next 100k race. That would be a much more efficient way of getting my chia than my current one (dragging one of those red wagons behind with a keg full of chia and blueberry smoothie in it). Not last place, here I come!

Dessert Bruschetta: Caramelized Mango and Banana by The Lunchbox Bunch

If you are like me and you show up somewhere with bruschetta, it's over. Before you know it, you've eaten an entire tray and have no room left for the main course (which probably isn't vegan anyway). This problem is solved by The Lunchbox Bunch, it's called dessert bruschetta. Now you can fill up all you want on bruschetta because it is closing out the meal. Unless you are like me and always eat your dessert first...

Vegan Chocolate Blueberry Cake from Boards & Knives

For some good chocolate on chocolate action, with a bit of organic blueberries thrown in, might I suggest this cake from Boards & Knives. You'll only need your ingredients plus four strips of parchment paper and dental floss because, well, chocolate on chocolate action can get a bit messy.

Creamy Spinach Sweet Potato Noodles with Cashew Sauce from Pinch of Yum

My spiralizer isn't getting much work these days because my zucchini comes out frozen. What to do, what to do? How about spiralize something that doesn't even go in the refrigerator? Pinch of Yum's sweet potato noodle recipe fills this need perfectly. I can see the future and the future is spiralizing sweet potatoes two...maybe three nights a week. *Rummages in cabinet. Now where is that damn spiralizer, I just had it like three months ago. 

Peanut Butter Cup Oatmeal from Mindfully Moni

How many of you out there have ever woken up from an awesome sleep and thought, 'Man, I'd really like to eat a peanut butter cup for breakfast but it isn't very socially acceptable so I'll just settle for this bland oatmeal instead?' No one? Really? I'm the only person who ever thought this. I must be...

Aw, I see what you people did there. Freaked me out for a second. Thank you Moni for raising your hand. Peanut Butter Cups for breakfast have now become socially acceptable.

Cook: Guacamole Wonton Salad

After a hard night drinking shots of Shirley Temples and Dr. Pepper, J-Fur loves to start reminiscing about all the places she has traveled and the adventures that took place while she was there. Her most recent story involved a steaming pot of queso fundido, bogus taxi drivers and cops with semi-automatic weapons. Sometimes I swear she is making this stuff up. I'm told that queso fundido is a communal treat in Northern Mexico. It consists of Mexican cheese (typically Oaxaca or Chihuahua) that has been either broiled or flambeed. The cheese, which is traditionally topped with chorizo, is served while still hot. It is usually spooned onto tortillas and then eaten. 

Slightly jealous of her story, I wanted to create my own queso fundido adventure. But since queso fundido is hardly vegan (and most times not even vegetarian) I decided to replace the cheese with a giant bowl of guacamole. So instead of queso fundido, we had an evening of guaco fundido. To make things even more adventurous I invited our neighbors, the dudes with the fishing poles and machetes, to stand and watch us eat. Unfortunately, we ran out of tortilla before the guacamole was cashed, and our machete toting neighbors wouldn't let us leave to get more (or was it that I was already in for the night, wearing my alligator pajamas and slippers, and had no desire to go and purchase more?). A search of the pantry turned up some wonton wrappers and I figured they were....who am I kidding. They weren't even close. But, like I said in the beginning, I wanted an adventure. So, using the wonton wrappers as is, we dipped them into the guacamole. Terrible. But I felt enough of a tickle on my tastebuds that I was inspired to continue pursuing a guacamole and wonton pairing. That's how this salad came into existence.

Guacamole Wonton Salad

(printable version)

For the guacamole:

-3 avocados

-juice of one lime

-1 clove of garlic, pressed

-quarter of an onion, small dice

-salt

For the dressing:

-2 1/2 Tbs. Maple Syrup

-2 Tbs. Balsamic Vinegar

-3 Tbs. Lime Juice

-2 small garlic cloves, pressed

For the wontons:

-wonton wrappers

-bowl of water

-peanut sauce (for frying)

-guacamole

For the salad:

-mixed greens

-1/2 pint cherry tomatos, quartered

-1 cup black beans

For the drizzle:

-vegan ranch dressing

-hot sauce

1. For the guacamole: Place the avocados in a bowl and mash them with a fork or potato masher. Add the garlic, onions, lime juice and salt to taste. Stir until the flavors have meshed together. Spread the guacamole on the bottom of a square, glass baking dish. Cover the dish with plastic wrap, making sure the wrap touches the top of the guacamole. Place in the freezer for an hour.

2. For the dressing: Mix all the ingredients in a bowl. Whisk until combined.

3. For the salad: Mix the greens and cherry tomatoes in a large bowl. Cover with the desired amount of dressing. Add the black beans on top and toss until the dressing has been mixed in. Set aside.

4. For the wontons: Heat about an inch of oil in a pan over medium heat. When it shimmers, the oil is ready for frying. Take about a tablespoon of guacamole (should be stiff but not completely frozen) and place in the middle of a wonton wrapper. Dip your finger in water and run it along the edges of the wrapper. Fold diagonally overtop of the guacamole and seal the wonton wrapper (use additional water if necessary). Place four wontons in the oil at a time. Fry for a minute and forty five seconds on the first side. Flip and fry for an additional minute on the other side. Using tongs, pull the wontons out of the oil and place on a paper towel lined plate. Repeat until all the guacamole has been used.

5. For the drizzle: Mix some vegan ranch dressing with a teaspoon (or more) of hot sauce.

6. To arrange the salad: Spoon the mixed green mixture onto a plate. Top with the guacamole wontons. Drizzle the vegan ranch mixture overtop. Grab your creepiest neighbors and make it a party!

This dish parties like this.

Where We Eat: Stage Left

Stop me if you've heard this one. Two lovers walk into a bar. Its a dark, dingy place that smells of alcohol even though it is only two o'clock in the afternoon. The stage that was occupied by a singer-songwriter last night, now sits empty and barren. The two lovers don't drink. They aren't here to, what's the lame ass word proper drinkers use, imbibe, they have come for the food.

No? Keep going? Alright.

The food isn't your typical bar food. Its healthy and fresh and locally purchased from other small businesses when possible. There is no frying in the kitchen. Instead of burgers and onion rings, you'll find the menu covered with African Peanut Soup, Thai Noodles, Mexican Gumbo and a Mediterranean Plate. This is the story of Stage Left.

Stage Left is a relatively new bar located in the Lutz area. It is the brainchild of husband and wife duo  Brian and Isabelle Dunleavy. According to an article in the New Tampa Neighborhood News, Brian is the one with the restaurant experience but Isabelle is the one who inspired the menu. The couple modeled it after the way she cooks at home, fresh ingredients with lots of vegan and vegetarian options.

Ever since I first visited, to celebrate myself, I've been been trying to find a time where J-Fur and I could go there together. We were finally able to arrange it last week. After being seated, the waiter gave us some time to look over the menu. We were buried pages deep when he returned and told us about their new guacamole. It was so new that it wasn't even on the menu yet. That sounded good to us, so we put in an order.

       The Chips and Guacamole

The guacamole had a nice lime and garlic flavor. I was absolutely ecstatic that they didn't ruin it by putting that terrible, no good, downright rotten, cilantro in it (and if they did, they masked it well). I felt like the ratio of chips to dip was great. I ran out of both of them at the same time (and this wasn't me skimping on the guac either, I was really digging in). On my previous visit, I settled on the Mexican Gumbo as a main course. I was stoked to see that a restaurant in the area offered a rice dish that wasn't fried rice. It was a good dish, certainly something I'd do again, but it didn't have that epic feel to it. I wanted to branch out and try one of their other vegan offerings so I went with a bowl of African Peanut Soup and the Mediterranean platter. The platter wasn't my first choice. I had my heart set on the COLD Thai Noodles (cold is emphasized as it seems a lot of people mistakenly order them expecting a heated dish). But, alas, they were all out. J-Fur chose the Farmhouse Melt (mozzarella, tomato, basil, and balsamic reduction on farmhouse bread).

       The African Peanut Soup

The African Peanut Soup is both gluten free and vegan. It consists of sweet potatoes, ginger, peanuts and fresh veggies. With that combination, it should come as no surprise that the soup was sweet. I was fine with the sweetness but my mother-in-law, who visited earlier in the week, thought it was too much. Just take note, if you aren't into sweet soups, steer clear. The consistency was smooth, save for the peanuts that were bobbing on the surface.

        The Mediterranean Plate

With Mediterranean Plate's you never know what you are going to get. I'm not talking about what's on the plate, you pretty much know it will be some combo of flatbread, tapenade and hummus, I'm talking more about the quality and portions. There are too many places that skimp on the flatbread, serve you a ton of dip and wonder why you ask for more. Actually, no they don't, they just take your money as you pay for a second helping to finish off the dip. Is it really that hard to give me enough pita for my dip? Thankfully Stage Left doesn't have that problem. As you can see in the picture, there is ample flatbread to go around. If, by some chance, you do run out...well, that's where the carrots and cucumbers come in handy. I was a big fan of the tapenade, all chunky and easy to handle. I liked the flavor of the hummus, a grand little flair, though I prefer mine to be a bit creamier in consistency.

        The Farmhouse Melt

J-Fur's sandwich certainly looked good. The bread was pressed and crispy and provided a fabulous contrast to the gooey cheese and tomato interior. Based on the ingredients, J-Fur expected a memorable sandwich. By her estimation the Farmhouse Melt was good but not memorable. She craved an exotic pesto to elevate it deity level.

There is a lot to like at Stage Left. They've got drinking and live music. On top of that, they have a unique menu that offers a lot of quality food that tastes fresh and homemade. The bar has options y'all. Especially for people with extreme diets as their menu has a number of gluten free, vegan and vegetarian options.

Will I be back? You bet ya. I need to find a way to get my hands on those Thai Noodles.



I'd pair Stage Left with a side of Yukon Blonde's "Como". The track is all about spending the night together. Stage Left was just the beginning of a full day affair for us, one that saw Yukon Blonde repeated over and over. That is until the evening ended in a former ice hockey rink dancing to Passion Pit.

Where We Eat: Capital Tacos

I was visiting Sugar and Spice Daycare last week attempting to enroll my new pet calf Lucy (oddly enough, they wouldn’t even consider her for the waiting list). When we reached the parking lot on our way out, we were nearly run over by an out of control car. It came to a screeching halt a few inches from Lucy’s front hoof. Out of the car stepped a tall gangly man wearing neon framed sunglasses, tight pants and a trying too hard to be ironic t-shirt. The passenger side held a strangely attractive short girl with tattoos all over her arms and dark glasses on her face. The guy muttered, “Where are we? I feel like we’ve been in the car for days…”

As Lucy and I approached the guy noticed us for the first time. He took a huge step back. In a typical clipped Tampa accent he said, “What kind of dog is that?” I snickered. “The kind of dog you can milk.” He responded, sounding a bit perplexed, “Oh my god, people out here drink dog milk? Where are we?” I rolled my eyes. “You two are looking for Capital Tacos aren’t you?” He nodded his head and then tried to explain to me what twitter was and how he had heard of this awesome taco place and…I couldn’t keep up with his ramblings. I think Lucy intimidated him.

The truth is, I get it (not the Lucy intimidation part but the wondering where you are). Land O’ Lakes isn’t the most progressive place. You certainly don’t expect to find restaurants with hand carved wooden furniture, mason jar pendants, craft sodas, biodegradable potato starch containers and out of this world taco/burrito/salad/nacho blends. That kind of stuff goes down in Tampa, not Land O’ Lakes.

But Capital Tacos found it the perfect place to set up shop last year. It wasn’t long before Capital Tacos took twitter by storm. I must admit, I ignored it at first. I thought it had something to do with the other Capital places in town and I had no time for that kind of thing. But a few weeks ago, one thing led to another, and there Z-Bot and I were making the long trek out to Land O’ Lakes to experience Capital Tacos.

A check in on Yelp got me a free side of chips as long as I ordered a meal. Not a problem, I could manage that. I requested the Simon Pure (grilled portobello, black beans, pico, bombera salsa and rice) for myself. When I ordered it without cheese the man at the register informed me that if I wanted it completely dairy-free the street corn would have to be removed too. Score. Someone looking out for me. I also ordered a Mean Verde to go (fried avocado, refried pintos, queso, lettuce, pico, jack and cheddar, corn strips) for J-Fur. It normally comes with a poblano ranch salsa, but she suggested I skip it because it might remind Lucy too much of her upbringing.

The first thing I noticed when I sat down was the free chips. Holy nudists! These chips were unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. They were deeply golden in color, large and plump. They were perfectly crisp without the constant need to wipe the grease from your hands onto your pants like other places that make homemade nachos. The chips came salt-free allowing you to perform your own DIY magic. For me, this meant a splash. If my friend HH was along, that would’ve meant a whole truckload. The medium salsa had a nice subtle spice and was not full of the dreaded cilantro. Capital Tacos knew how to spice it just right.

                   The Beautiful DIY-able Chips

Next came the Simon Pure. With one hand on Z-Bot it was impossible to keep the burrito together. Overloaded with portobello, salsa and rice made it a drippy mess. It was the kind of burrito you need to eat two handed and finish with a fork. Without that luxury, I had to start, middle and end it with a fork. The burrito tasted meaty as f***. I had to check a couple times to make sure they didn’t actually serve me animal flesh. Whatever they basted that portobello in was phenomenal. Coupled with the beans, rice and salsa, I watched a burrito fall through my fingers and all over the plate that was comparable to any other I’ve eaten in Tampa. I want tofu, I’ll go to Taco Bus. I want portobello, I’ll go to Capital Tacos. It's as simple as that.

                      The Simon Pure Goodness

As I sat and ate my burrito J-Fur’s was wrapped in a to go bag next to me. About five minutes after I began eating the man behind the counter came over and said, “Here is your burrito to go.” I checked in the bag and already had one. I told him “My other burrito is already in the bag.” He went back to the kitchen to check and then brought it back. “The one in your bag doesn’t have the avocado in it. The person in the kitchen forgot to add it.” That reminded me of one of the complaints I’ve heard about Capital Tacos from friends. They are prone to botching take out orders. Had I left with the burrito instead of sitting in and eating mine, J-Fur would’ve been missing the most important part. If you are ordering out, especially if you are driving up from a Tampa zip, make sure you check your order before you leave. I mean unroll the burrito and everything. Better safe than sorry. With all the ingredients there (and even with substitutions for special diets) these burritos are top notch. Without key ingredients, well, I can’t vouch for them.

         J-Fur’s Mean Verde (from our second visit)

Capital Tacos is good stuff. We’ve been back a few times. They allowed us to sample the soda (pretty good stuff with real sugar). We haven’t tried much else because we keep ordering the exact same thing. That’s when you know it's good. Mark my words, unless something crazy happens, we will be back again and again (and again and again). I'm convinced that eventually there will come a point that entering Land O’ Lakes will be accompanied with a sign that says “Land O’ Lakes, population (who cares) Home of the Famous Capital Tacos.”



Did I mention that Capital Tacos is a long drive from Tampa? To get there requires a lot of music to listen to or one song on repeat. I choose the latter. On repeat was Galantis’ new song “The Heart That I’m Hearing”. Check it:

Where We Eat: Issei Noodle

Usually J-Fur and I use the holidays as a chance to visit family (who always want to cook for us) and hit up some of the local Carlisle restaurants. For not being a big town, Carlisle has a number of independent food places that know how to throw down. Fay’s Country Kitchen makes some bad ass pancakes, the Market Cross Pub hits a bullseye with English Pub Grub and Massey’s makes the finest milkshakes I’ve had.

When I'm in Carlisle and seeking out something a bit lighter and lunchier, I go to Issei Noodle. Before the holidays locked us in for a couple of days, J-Fur and I joined her parents for lunch at Issei Noodle. The restaurant was very crowded when we arrived. Only one table remained, right by the door. This meant cold blasts of air each time someone came in or left (which was a lot). By the same token, it meant sitting by a huge window overlooking the main street of Carlisle (and watching old people try to parallel park).

My first order of business was to get an appetizer. During our previous visits, we went with the Vegetarian Fresh Spring Rolls served with a special plum sauce. These were awesome. But this time around, I wanted to try something different. When I spotted the words vegetable gyoza side-by-side I knew that was the place to go. My gyoza days started with a discontinued brand at Whole Foods which I would turn into this. They continued with tri-monthly visits to Trang Viet. The gyoza love affair pretty much ended with a baby onesie. I hoped to rekindle things at Issei Noodle. Their version of this appetizer was by far my least favorite of the three. Its crispy exterior and relatively empty interior came across as more of a thinned out samosa and less like gyoza. I did like the dipping sauce that accompanied it.

                      My Gyoza

J-Fur decided on an appetizer/meal of edamame. She was going through some bouts of nausea while in Carlisle, so she stuck with very simple foods. The edamame was good (although I have yet to meet a terrible edamame, I think it is the kind of thing that is difficult to f*** up). She didn’t share any with her father as he has a tendency to eat edamame whole (shell and all).

                        Edmame

My normal main dish of choice is the Veggie Yaki Udon. This is Udon noodles with sauteed seasonal veggies, steamed tofu and a sweet ginger-miso sauce. I wavered between the tried and true and the Don Buri (a rice bowl). I eventually went with the new and gave the Don Buri a shot. The Vegetarian Don Buri was full of seasonal vegetables such as red pepper, bok choy, basil, broccoli and onion. It was then covered by a very light house sauce and served over rice. The bowl was pretty big but it seemed slightly bland. Perhaps the creator of the dish is of the opinion that making it slightly bland allows the customer to season it how they want. I mean the table center is littered with additional condiments and sauces to help boost flavor. I added a bit of soy sauce to the rice which seemed to enhance the house dressing and provided the oomph the dish needed.

                       Don Buri Vegetarian

J-Fur’s mom also ate vegetarian. She had the Vegetarian Vermicelli Noodle basically because on her last visit she ordered the Veggie Tofu Ramen and was disappointed that the tofu seemed raw and mushy (a big faux pas in that family as they have texture issues). She didn’t say much about the Vegetarian Vermicelli Noodle and I was too stuffed to give it a try. But seeing that it was topped with gyoza and served cold, I probably wouldn’t have liked it.

My latest visit to Issei Noodle was not nearly as impressive as the first few. I partially chalk this up to making bad choices. Instead of ordering what I knew I liked and was impressed by, I tried other things that weren’t quite as good. That being said, it doesn’t give me a lot of confidence to walk into a place with few vegetarian/vegan options as is and not be impressed by any portion of the meal. Will I eat at Issei Noodle again? Probably. Maybe. But my confidence is a bit shaken.

My visit was enhanced by the sounds of the new self-titled EP from White Blush (aka Carol Rhyu). The EP forecasts six LA style electro-dream pop tracks that have the listener tiptoeing along railroad beams that are cross-sectioned with minimalistic synths, pulsing arpeggios and imposing industrial drum machine beats. Should you dance? Close your eyes and dream? Talk a walk along a snowy mountainside at midnight? Or watch the eerie movements that shadows make around a campfire? It is hard to tell. That is the magic of White Blush’s EP. It can be comfortable almost anywhere you are. Check out “Jolene":

Greasy Spoon Disco Fries Curdled by The Knux, Moustache of Insanity and Ohbijou

Luigi is this huge Italian guy I've been working with this summer. He took a recent trip to New Jersey for his grandson's confirmation. When he returned to work he spent a whole break (20 minutes) talking about all the glorious food he ate. One of the things he mentioned was combination dish of French Fries, gravy and cheese. Two years ago I would've said that is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. But not the me of today. The me of today wanted to try it. Well, let me back up a second. I wanted to try it after my first idea, poutine, fell through. Poutine is a combination of french fries, gravy and cheese curds. It is basically something that only people in Wisconsin and Canada can make (go ahead, try finding cheese curds anywhere else). So I "settled" for Luigi's recommendation using fresh, still warm to the touch, fresh mozzarella from Mazzaro's.

Greasy Spoon Disco Fries

(printable version)

-4 potatoes, sliced into fries

-olive oil

-paprika

-onion powder

-garlic powder

-sea salt

-pepper

-vegan gravy

-fresh mozzarella, cut into small squares

1. Pre-heat the oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit. Place fries in a metal bowl. Dump in olive oil (enough to coat all the potatoes), paprika, onion powder, garlic powder and sea salt. Toss the fries until they are completely covered with oil and spices. Taste the coating and adjust to your taste.

2. Place the fries in a single row on a baking sheet. Put into the oven and bake for twenty minutes. Using a spatula, flip and cook for an additional ten minutes on the other side.

3. Meanwhile make the vegan gravy.

4. When the fries are done. Top with gravy and fresh mozzarella. Place in your mouth and mingle with aplomb.

For the gravy: It begins with some guitar, tambourines drums and space sounds that scream indie rock. Next thing you know, you are knee deep in a poppy, hip-hop, mind bender that sounds like Outkast minus the shaking of a polaroid picture and....oh my god is that Kid Cudi? This is what New Orleans hybrid rockers the Knux have done in their most recent track "Run." Its the second single that they've released off their upcoming album Eraser (due out in September via Cherry Tree/Interscope).

The Knux-Run (featuring Kid Cudi) via Indie Shuffle

For the cheese: I tried hard to be bored to death with "Lynn Lowry" by Moustache of Insanity. But every time I reached to turn the song off they slowly spat out something else that made me laugh. This song is me in the sense that I crave low budget, love mute girls, research past actresses on IMDB and can't turn away from zombie sex. I'm also an 8 bit man in a world of whatever bit video games are up to now.

Lynn Lowry-Moustache of Insanity

For the Fries: Back in November of last year I interviewed Canadian band Loon Choir and they talked about bands that they had performed with. One of those bands, Ohbijou, have just released the opening track from their upcoming album. The track, "Niagara," dramatically shifts from singer-songwriter to classical to orchestral to indie rock without sounding forced or overdone. The album, Metal Meets, is due out in September via Last Gang Records.

Ohbijou: "Niagara" by wearesolidgold

One Ring Mix: Reversing Falls, Foxy Shazam, They Might Be Giants, DNA, Making Friendz, the School, Street Chant, Matt Pond PA and Jesse Ruins

With no disrespect towards boxing and wrestling, promise, piston, compression or Olympic rings there really is one ring that rules them all. That is the one made from onions, battered and covered in ketchup (wedding ones are also up there). Onion Rings were, for the longest time, one of my most hated things (right up there with Combos). When I was a tiny lad, I spent an afternoon with my grandmother and brother watching my cousins play baseball. After the game we went to a hole in the wall diner and I ate onion rings for the first time. Later that day I began vomiting and I blamed it all on onion rings.

A few months ago I overcame my psychological issues and tried them again. They lorded over me. Onion rings are potent enough to bring a person to their knees in excruciating pain. They also have the ability to make that same person come back, years later, and give them a second chance. What other ring can do that? That's what this playlist is all about.


Reversing Falls-Little Goodbye
Foxy Shazam-Wanna Be Angel
They Might Be Giants-Can't Keep Johnny Down
DNA-Life as it is
Making Friendz-Situation
The School-I want you Back
Street Chant-Less Talk, More Sewing
Matt Pond PA-Love to Get Used
Jesse Ruins-Dream Analysis

Download Playlist Here

Thanks to Stereogum, KEXP blog, MP3 Hugger, Pigeons and Planes, Triple J Unearthed, Indie Rock Cafe, Consequence of Sound, Swedesplease and the bands for making this playlist possible.

The pictured rings are vegan and beer battered and they came from this recipe.