Taste of Orlando

As a last hurrah before heading back to work, I packed up the family last week and headed to Orlando. Here is a snippet of what we were eating (and drinking) during our three day visit.

Ethos Vegan Kitchen |  601-B South New York Avenue, Winter Park

Nothing combats the lingering effects of a late night arrival better than an all vegan brunch. Because of their relatively early opening, the family and I drove to Ethos Vegan Kitchen in Winter Park to fulfill our vegan brunch needs. For whatever reason, I had avoided this place every time I previously visited Orlando. As soon as I walked through the doors, I wondered what I had been thinking. This place was love at first sight. Big windows, interesting artwork, a high brow bar and low brow seating all flowed together to create an aesthetically pleasing restaurant. All that would be for naught if the food wasn't good. No need to worry, this place was absolutely toothsome.

Ethos' brunch menu is less extensive than their typical daily one. Still, despite its scaled down appearance, I still did quite a bit of waffling. Decisions, decisions. In the end the breakfast burrito called my name. The burrito is stuffed with tofu scramble, home fries and vegan sausage and smothered in vegan sausage gravy. I loved the combination of tofu, sausage and home fries and the sausage gravy was some of the best I've had. Anywhere. Ever. The completely smothered burrito just sort of melted right into my mouth. The only downfall of it was you couldn't eat it with your hands. A small price to pay for such a delicious dish. J-Fur ordered a cinnamon bun and Ethos' newest brunch offering, the breakfast skillet. The cinnamon bun was perfect. Soft and full of flavorful cinnamon. This is how all vegan cinnamon buns should roll. The skillet seemed like it would be right up our alley considering it included tofu scramble, lots of sauteed veggies (like onions, green peppers, red peppers and broccoli) breakfast sausage, home fries and cheddar cheese. Unfortunately the skillet was a bit too oily (yes even for me). Two perfect items, one good one. I'll take that every day of the week.

Erin McKenna's Bakery NYC | 1642 East Buena Vista, Orlando

We visited Erin McKenna's Bakery a few years ago after a Walk the Moon concert at House of Blues. The show ended pretty late and we high-tailed it over to the bakery, getting in the door right before closing. We ordered a cupcake and, well, I wasn't super impressed. This is what they eat in New York? No thank you. After two visits to Brooklyn last summer, I felt that I could definitely say New Yorkers know how to eat. So Erin McKenna's Bakery got one more shot.

I'm glad it did. We ordered two cupcakes (for J-Fur), a pineapple upside down cake (for me) and a shot of frosting (for Z-Bot). The two cupcakes were both moist and delicious. Neither was saturated with sweetness. I was surprised, being a total fruit dessert fan, that I actually liked the chocolate cupcake (not pictured above because it was already eaten) slightly better than the berry one. The berry one had a lingering aftertaste of something that neither of us could place. The chocolate was wham, bam, thank you maim with nothing hanging around after. Neither cupcake could hold a candle (is that a thing people say?) to the pineapple upside down cake. Again, perfectly moist, sticky, with big pineapple rings. This cake is what all fruit desserts should strive to be. I tried to eat only a little and save the rest for later but that didn't happen. I scarfed the entire thing right then and there. #NoRegrets. I didn't eat any of the frosting shot because Z-Bot was too busy wearing it on her face like a dessert badge of honor. She loved it.

The most amazing part of Erin McKenna's bakery? Everything is not only vegan, but gluten free. Normally I can tell when things are gluten free. Erin McKenna's did a great job masking it. I look forward to my next visit to Disney Springs just so I can eat these desserts again.

Lemon Shark Poke |  7600 Dr Phillips Blvd Suite 102, Orlando 

Lemon Shark Poke wasn't on the list of places I bookmarked before going to Orlando. It was more of a whim...sical move (clang!). We wound up here because after walking Disney Springs, J-Fur said she was hungry for sushi. I Yelped sushi and Lemon Shark Poke came up with a hot and new designation and a lot of really good reviews. It wasn't too terribly far away so we headed in that direction

Lemon Poke Shark can best be described as what happens when a sushi joint copulates with a choose-your-own-food-adventure restaurant like Chipotle. You start by picking a style. You can get a bowl, sort of like deconstructed sushi, or you can get a sushirito (sushi that is as big as a burrito). Next, you select a base. This can be won ton strips, white rice, brown rice, black rice, salad or a combination of any two. J-Fur combined brown rice and the won ton strips in her bowl. After that, you pick from various proteins. The only vegetarian friendly one offered is tofu. Finally, you fill the rest of the bowl with various pickled and fresh vegetables, sauces, seasonings and seeds. J-Fur's bowl was awesome. It was full of vegetables that tasted fresh, not like they had been sitting around a while and tasty tofu. The crunch of the won ton chips and the soft, chewiness of the rice offered a pleasing food dichotomy. She ate her bowl quickly and was very satisfied. If they story ended there, we would've left and thought man, Lemon Poke Shark was a fine place to eat. But it didn't end because J-Fur was so satisfied with her meal that she decided to take a sushirito to go. She wasn't quite as pleased with it because she didn't put any won ton strips in so they sushirito lacked the crunch that she so thoroughly enjoyed from the bowl. I thought the sushirito was really good. So good that I started researching Tampa sushirito places before I pulled out of the parking lot.

Z-Bot also ate at Lemon Poke Shark and this is my only complaint about the place. She is very picky and only wanted some rice, carrots and corn. The employees kept asking are we sure she doesn't want some type of protein. We said no because she doesn't eat meat and she isn't really a tofu fan. Unfortunately that left her bowl rather small and yet she was charged full price. I know the employees felt bad, that's why they kept asking if she wanted more. Maybe a way to do some rice and veggies a la carte for the picky eaters might be something to consider.

The District at Mills 50 | 1221 N Mills Ave, Orlando

After spending some time at My Little Town, an indoor play area that Z-Bot absolutely adored, J-Fur and I wanted to track down some kombucha on tap. We could've gone to Market on South, but I was still full from breakfast and I couldn't bear going there without eating. Most of the other places I bookmarked that had kombucha were already closed. That meant a visit to The District at Mills 50.

I bookmarked this place because it was a store that was full of various vegan items. When we arrived I was quite pleased to find they had a lot more vegan food items than I thought they would. I perused the coolers, checking out the various nutmylks, pizzas and drinks that they had for sale. I approached the bar and asked the barista about the tapped kombucha. He said it was a watermelon mint one. Unlike Market on South, which taps Humble Bumble kombucha, the District serves the Orlando City Kombucha brand. This was our first experience with Orlando City Kombucha. Both J-Fur and I were pleased that the watermelon mint was light and refreshing and not overburdened with mint (in fact, I wasn't even sure the mint was in there). Definitely a pleasing kombucha.

I didn't plan on eating anything but the giant peanut butter brownies on the bar looked fabulous so, I ate dessert. Again. After ordering the brownie, the extremely friendly barista asked if I wanted ice cream on it. Sure, it's vegan, why not? He then asked if I wanted homemade caramel on it. And that, my friends, is how my simple brownie became an elaborate dessert. But boy was I glad I did it. All three of those food components played off each other nicely. The ice cream, which has a coconut base, didn't even taste like coconut. The chocolate and peanut butter of the brownie were, well, a match made in vegan heaven. The caramel sauce was a great finishing touch.

Lazy Moon Pizza | 11551 University Blvd, Orlando 

Lazy Moon Pizza came about because Z-Bot said she wanted pizza. This place was extremely close to the District, so we rolled into the parking lot and pulled up the menu. J-Fur asked for the Asian tempeh salad with ginger dressing (pictured above). Z-Bot said she was super hungry so we ordered two slices for her. I almost got myself a slice because Lazy Moon offers vegan cheese but the brownie had down me in.

Boy, two slices was a mistake of gigantic proportions. These slices are not your typical Papa John sized slices. One slice was the size of Z-Bot's torso (I guess that is why their website says you have to eat their pizza slices with two hands). No wonder slices cost four dollars each. Needless to say Z-Bot could only finish one slice so J-Fur ate the other. That meant her salad went untouched. No worries, I ate it the next morning for breakfast.

Drunken Monkey | 444 N Bumby Ave, Orlando
Our final stop on the trip (only because the Humble Bumble taproom we visited afterwards wasn't open despite the sign that said it was open on Sundays) was Drunken Monkey coffee shop. This place offered numerous vegan coffees, pastries and sandwiches. It also has some non vegan and meat items as well. I wanted a flavored latte. I looked at the list of Drunken Monkey flavorings that they had right by the counter. This was quite an extensive list. Flavors like cherry, lavender, chocolate, etc. I would estimate there were about 25 plus different choices. I love that the coffee shop lists right on the flavoring card, which ones are better when paired with chocolate and which ones are vegan. That saved me from asking a ton of questions. I ordered a cherry and dark chocolate iced latte with hemp milk. Yep, you read that right, hemp milk. First coffee shop ever that had hemp milk as a dairy alternative.

Whoa. For those of you that love coffee, this is probably not the place for you. I couldn't even taste coffee beneath the cherry and chocolate flavorings. I do love a good coffee but even more than that, I love a good drink. This latte was a great drink! My only regret was that I had but one latte to give to my body. If I could've handled the caffeine, I would've gone down that latte list trying multiple flavors. I guess I know where I will be getting my coffee fix next time I am in Orlando.

That's it. That's our weekend in a vegan nutmylk shell.

Food Flavored Album Review: Recharge by the Tambo Rays

The first time I experienced Larabars was at the finish line of a half marathon. The company sent someone to hand out samples. I grabbed a handful, scarfed them down, remember liking them and then moved on. Years later, those little bars began showing up in grocery stores. Every time I thought about purchasing a box, I'd look at the price and head the other direction. Those bars, in all their plant based and gluten free glory, were definitely not cheap. To combat the drain on my wallet, I did what most adventurous kitchen types would do, I started making my own version..

Then Larabar brought out a new line of products called Larabar bites. These were essentially the bars rolled into truffle like bites. So, I started making them too. Recently I've become enamored with the double chocolate brownie bites. These bites consist of just six ingredients: dates, cocoa, dark chocolate chips, coconut flour, almonds and sea salt. In my kitchen I added a seventh, coconut shreds. To make the bites just stuff all these ingredients into a food processor and pulse until they become tiny bits. Then add a little water, pulse a few more times and voila, start rolling chocolate snowballs. While working out the logistics of this recipe, I listened to the new Tambo Rays EP, Recharge (released on July 17th via OIM Records). Both the bites and the Tambo Rays EP had a lot in common.

Recharge kicks off with the upbeat, sun soaked, pop rock of "Yes and No." According to the band it is a song about letting go of old habits, the uncertainty of wandering through new territory and confronting the difficulties that arise from leaving behind the safety net of the status quo. Hmm...sun soaked, letting go of the status quo, releasing old habits. Sounds a bit like coconut flour if you ask me. Coconut flour is born and bred from a fruit that hangs out on a tree that is found in tropical, sun soaked climates. In the bites that I created, the coconut flour took the place of traditional flour. It can be tough to let go of white flour, and it certainly is the road less traveled, but sometimes it can be so worth it. These bites were one of those times.



Recharge's second track, "Always Down" embraces the same sort of glimmering pop as "Yes and No" but the lyrics hint at something a bit more melancholy. "Always Down" was written about being there and supporting a friend who is dealing with some dark days. The necessary support is most apparent in the lines "And I'll always be there for you, situations unknown, and I'll always be there for you, to take you where you want to go to." These lines are ambiguous in the sense that they allow the darkness to remain unnamed. When a friend says they need you, it doesn't really matter what the situation is, you go. And if they need you to take them somewhere, again, the destination isn't relevant, you drive until they are satisfied. Satisfaction, underlying darkness. Not only do these words describe, "Always Down" but they could just as easily represent the chocolate chips and cocoa powder found in this recipe.



"Wrong Turn" takes the adage go big or go home and makes it reality. This isn't just a pop song. It is a sonic, tilt-a-whirl of wavy synths, moody percussion and sexy guitars. These elements provide a stylized base to prop up Sara DaMert's emotive lyrics. "Wrong Turn" is the second most evocative track on Recharge. Long after the EP fades to silence, the lines and sounds of "Wrong Turn" remain in your brain like little earworms of enthrallment. The Medjool dates used for these bites are every bit as enthralling, moody and evocative as "Wrong Turn." Medjools, because of their elevated status in the date world are often referred to as kings, diamonds or crown jewels. Not sure you can get more enthralling than that. They have a rich, sweet taste that brings to mind differing food moods like caramel, honey or cinnamon.



What ties these chocolate bites together is the almonds. The "almonds" of Recharge is the closer, "Get It Right Now." This track is the most evocative of the lot because it combines aspects of each of the previous tracks. "Get It Right Now" features some of the same sonic elements as "Wrong Turn," the upbeat, sun soaked pop of "Yes and No" and the underlying melancholy of "Always Down." Its chorus seems to say that despite the fact that you are going through or have previously gone through some tough moments, time will heal those wounds ("To fall in love it just takes time"). Same with those pesky almonds. Pulse a bit and try to roll these bites and you'll be met with the tough almond exterior. But give it some time, pulse a bit more and you'll wind up with an easily moldable nutty treat.



Recharge by the Tambo Rays and Double Chocolate Brownie Bites have a number of things in common. Ultimately what stands out is the staying power of each. This staying power is created in both of these by combining catchy immediacy with a subtle and brilliant nuance.

Cook: Dried Kiwi

On a recent trip to Costco, J-Fur and I were grabbing things willy nilly and throwing them into the cart like we were on one of those grocery store game shows. One of the things that wound up finding its way home with us was a gigantic plastic container of kiwi. I average, on average, during an average week, like one kiwi eaten. J-Fur is probably further south then that, let's say 1/2 a kiwi a week. Z-Bot and Special K, don't touch any fruit that's green. This plastic container consisted of multiple pounds of kiwi (I'm talking like five or six). What the f*** was I going to do with all that kiwi?

I started doling it out at the local libraries. Psst....kid. Come here. You wanna kiwi? While I successfully dispersed some, I still had a lot left over. I put a few in a batch of kombucha. My plastic kiwi container wasn't even a quarter empty yet. I ate my weekly allotment, took a few out to play kiwi Bocce and put some over my eyes at night. More remained. I began dreaming in kiwi and tasting in kiwi and coloring in kiwi. At this point I knew I needed to put a halt to all things kiwi. There would be no kiwi pizza, salad dressing or Etsy style earrings. Enough was enough. I took the remaining kiwi, which wound up being about ten of those tiny oval shaped fuzz fruits, sliced it real thin like, tore off the outer layer and laid it out single file on a wire rack stabilized over a cookie sheet. I put the rack and cookie sheet in the oven at an extremely low temperature (170 degrees Fahrenheit) for around seven hours. Boom! Dried kiwi is served!

If you ever find yourself in the land of too much kiwi, take my advice: play some bocce, get your macular degeneration reversal swag on, then use the rest for a healthy, filling, dried snack.

Where We Eat: Farmacy Vegan Kitchen & Bakery

It is 7:45 on a Sunday morning. Both Z-Bot and our newest addition, Special K, are making lots of noise. J-Fur is pounding my back telling me to wake up and do something so that she can sleep a bit longer. I take a deep breath and I wonder what a vegan daddy of two should do so early on Sunday. Church? Nah, still too early for that. A run? Special K is still too young to put into a jogging stroller. Then it dawns on me. Creative Loafing. That's where it's at.

A recent edition of Creative Loafing, Tampa's free newspaper that has everything about everything that is happening in the world of Tampa, ran an article about the opening of a new vegan bakery and quick service restaurant located inside Duckweed Urban Grocery in downtown. The joint, called Farmacy Vegan Kitchen + Bakery, features a bevy of desserts (think donuts, muffins, raw cheesecakes, brownies, cake pops, cobbler, breads and power balls) all made sans meat or dairy. Farmacy also serves a handful of vegan meals including lentil soup, Avocado BLT and a hummus wrap, kale salad, lentil salad, Shepherd's Pie, veggie lasagna and black bean meatballs. So here we are, Sunday morning, with two kids craving a new adventure. Let's go get ourselves some vegan treats.  

When we arrived on the Farmacy scene, I realized quickly that deciding on one thing wasn't going to be an easy task. There was a lot to like (by the looks of things). Z-Bot made her decision quickly, a vanilla donut with sprinkles. I went with a vanilla donut with Oreo cookies and caramel and a sticky bun. Special K was fine just drinking breast milk.

Our assortment of donuts and sticky bun

The donuts were really good. Their consistency reminded me of the vegan donuts you can get at Buttermilk Provisions in Wesley Chapel. They were soft and moist and held together well. They had a consistency that I normally associate with cake. Unlike Buttermilk Provisions, which glazes all of their donuts, Farmacy's were topped with chunks of fun (be it Oreo or sprinkles or something else). The toppings added a subtle sweetness, a slight flavor contrast and a different texture to the cakey donut. I really liked that about them. Normally when it comes to vegan donuts, Z-Bot doesn't always finish them (yeah, more for me). At Farmacy, she scarfed that entire sprinkled beast down. I asked her how it was and her eyes lit up and she said "Good!" That's about as animated as I see her when it comes to food. I'll chalk her up as a fan of Farmacy's donuts as well. 

Speaking of fandom, I grew up a huge fan of sticky buns. As a youngster, that was my "breakfast dessert" of choice. But it had been years since I had eaten one. This abstinence was partially because no one else seems to have the same affinity for sticky buns as I do (and I wind up eating the whole thing myself) and partially because I haven't found a good vegan one in Florida. Unfortunately, I still haven't. That's not to say that Farmacy's version was bad or inedible. It absolute was not. I just didn't find the taste of their sticky bun to be all that interesting. I wanted a little something more, something that stood out and caught my attention. I think consistency wise the sticky bun was excellent. It showed great promise. Tastewise, eh. I found myself wishing I had selected multiple donuts instead of the sticky bun.

My goal for my next visit, yes there will be a next, is to convince the kids that they want to sleep in just a little bit longer so that I can do a sort of brunch thing that meshes Farmacy's donuts with their Avocado BLT. That would probably just about make my Sunday.

Making my Sunday's for the last two months (yes, this track has been sitting in my inbox since the end of March) is You Are Number Six's "Midnight Blue". The track has a sugary darkness to it. That's why it seems like the perfect musical metaphor to a donut topped with an Oreo.

Expect a new YANS track, "Sealed With a Kiss", sometime this week. Expect to see it on the blog sometime in September.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

Where We Eat: Retrobaked

Are you serious right now? These cupcakes are vegan AND gluten free? How do they taste so good? 

That's pretty much the conversation that bounced around my head as I sat on Retrobaked's cute front porch a few weeks back and ate my cupcake. As a vegan, I feel that most of the time it isn't possible to eat gluten free. I mean limiting yourself to one or the other (vegan or gluten free) can make it difficult to eat tasty food. Doing both? Nearly impossible. But somehow Retrobaked has managed to do just that.

Retrobaked is not the kind of place you can just show up and buy from their shelves. Most of the time you have to order ahead. But on the first Friday of the month they are part of the Bradenton First Friday Art Walk. During this event they open their doors from 6-9:30 (PM) and you have free reign to buy whatever they are selling (which they do a good job of promoting on Facebook in the days leading up to the show).

April's art walk featured Retrobaked's vegan and gluten free version of a chocolate chip sandwich cookie, oatmeal cream pies, brownies and four or five different cupcake flavors. I purchased a key lime cupcake for me and a peanut butter and chocolate one for my daughter. I then took a sandwich cookie and oatmeal cream pie to go (they were already wrapped making them the logical eat later snack).

Key Lime and Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcakes

Those cupcakes, whoa, best vegan cupcakes I've had in a long time (maybe ever). The cake was moist. I really couldn't tell that it was vegan or gluten free. The icing was perfectly creamy without being too sugary. I loved the hint of lime taste and the gingersnap crust in the key lime cupcake. My feelings about the peanut butter and chocolate cupcake...pretty much the same. Not too sugary, perfectly creamy and dreamy and moist.

As far as the to go items, um, not as much as a fan. For both the cream pie and cookie, again I could not tell they were vegan or gluten free. But both of them were just a little bit too sweet for my liking. I think it was the icing. They were good, but not the image of perfection that their cupcake brethren were.

Will I be back to Retrobaked? Hell yeah! Will I special order a cake? Got my birthday order ready to go. Worth the drive from Tampa on the first Friday of the month? Yep. Will I order anything other than cupcakes? My calories for sweets are limited, I gotta stick to what's best.

The drive to Bradenton was fueled by the new (or is it old?) the Dirty Nil LP called Minimum R&B. Minimum R&B, which is due out next Friday, features eleven tracks from the Dirty Nil's back catalogue. It includes such "hits" as "Little Baby Metal Fist", "Cinnamon" and "Nicotine." Also included from the back catalogue is "Guided by Vices," one of my favorite Dirty Nil songs (before I met Higher Power). One new track, "Caroline", is also included on Minimum R&B. You can check that one out below:



Pre-order the album here (if you live in the US) or here (if you live elsewhere).

Merry Listmas 2016: The Food

Before the calendar turns to 2017, let’s reminisce about the finer things that food in 2016 had to offer (click on the picture for recipes and blog posts).

Favorite Sandwiches:



Main Attractions:




Desserts:




Some Other Favorites of the Year:

Favorite Place to Fill a Growler of Kombucha
Jug and Bottle. Not only can you fill their growlers with Mother Kombucha from the tap but you can also buy bottled kombucha, local ice cream, local snack foods, Seminole Heights clothing, nitro brewed coffee (also on tap) and some cheeses and salsas that are slightly harder to find. Oh, did I mention beer and wine? No? You can buy those too.

Best Vegan Lentil Soup in a Bread Bowl:
BJ's Brewhouse. I am enamored with BJ's vegan lentil soup. I've eaten it both as a bread bowl (hold the butter) and regular bowl. The soup is filling, slightly spicy and flavorful. Rare is it to find a chain restaurant in Tampa offering a vegan soup. Even rarer is the restaurant that offers a really good vegan soup. BJ's also does some beautiful Brussels Sprouts (nicely charred and crispy and tossed in oil).

Best "Fancy" Vegan Pizza:
Double Zero. From farro sausage to artisanal vegan cheese plates to sweet potato bruschetta, this place is all vegan all the time. It definitely isn't cheap but if you are in New York and looking for a fancy vegan dinner you can't get in Tampa, check this place out.

Best Artisanal Tofu in Tampa:
Thinh An Kitchen and Tofu.

Best Vegan Hot Dog:
The Holiday Dog from the Vegan Hot Dog Cart. The Holiday Dog includes Florida orange-cran chutney, Carolina BBQ mustard sauce and fried onions. It was ranked back in 2014 by PETA as the number one vegan hot dog in America. I can see why. This dog was amazing. Texture wise, it wasn't as chewy as the prepackaged versions you can get at the store. The dog (and bun) basically melted in your mouth. The orange-cran chutney, bbq mustard and fried onions flowed nicely with the dog. None of the flavors stood out, instead they morphed into one giant swirl of sweet, sour and crispy.

Best Seaweed Salad Served in a Martini Glass:
Samurai Blue Ybor

Best Vegan Cupcake Caught on Camera:
Georgetown Cupcakes. This place does live up to the hype, although I don't recommend checking out the cupcake camera. You don't want to lose too many hours of your life...

Best Veggie Burger:
Chickpea & Olive. A beet burger topped with vegan cheese and avocado and served on thick toasted bread. That's the kind of food porn my wife catches me watching late at night. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can even get her to join in. It really keeps the relationship fresh.

But seriously, if you go to Smorgasburg and are a vegan, eat this burger!

Best Vegan Banana Bread (aside from my own, of course):
Buttermilk Provisions

Best Bagels:
Bagel Pub. I rolled around my tiny little high school with the hottest girl on my arm. I thought I was something special. Then I went off to college in the city and I realized that there wasn't anything special about high school me. That girl on my arm, she was small potatoes compared to the city girls. I broke up with her via AOL instant messenger and never looked back.

So what does this have to do with Bagel Pub? Well, in similar fashion, I rolled around Tampa thinking that I knew what a good bagel was. It took me four hours in New York to realize that those "bagels" I was eating were nothing more than tiny little crust rocks. They were small grains of wheat compared to the Bagel Pub bagels.

Vegan Dessert of the Year:
Vegan Donuts. From Buttermilk Provisions to Alevri Marketplace to Valhalla Bakery to Dun-Well Doughnuts, I had my fair share of vegan donuts this year. Moreso than any other vegan dessert. That's why I am proclaiming that the Chinese calendar makers make 2016 forever known as the year of the vegan donut. I know it isn't an animal and all, but if I bite a doughnut in just the right places, I can easily shape it into a squirrel. That's good enough right?

Best Place to Purchase my Vegan Dessert of the Year:
Dun-Well Doughnuts. Dun-Well doesn't play the whole regular donuts with one vegan option game. Everything at Dun-Well is vegan. This includes the lattes, ice cream, milkshakes, sundaes, donuts, horchata and egg type things. Tough choices. During my first visit, I went with the most recommended doughnut according to Yelp, the Peanut Butter and Jelly doughnut. As I mentioned here, the peanutty glaze of the donut was not super sugary, like I feared it would. It had a strong peanut taste. The doughnut was fluffy, sort of like a dough pillow for the rich peanut topping to rest it's weary head. The jelly inside the doughnut was a nice sweet contrast to the rich peanut glaze and doughy doughnut. Later in the year I returned and ordered a doughnut sundae. The ice cream, courtesy of 3 Little Birds, was creamy and amazing. The doughy donut underneath matched nicely.

Best Vegan Ice Cream Not in My Grocer's Freezer:
3 Little Birds

Best Vegan Ice Cream From My Grocer's Freezer:
Ben and Jerry's PB & Cookies. More than twice the calories of my former go to vegan ice cream, probably because it is oh-so-good!


Vegan Restaurant of the Year
Champs Diner. While I ate better dishes this year, Champs takes the cake because it is a completely vegan diner that offers a ton of different options to choose from. While I liked Dun-Well Donuts more, they are limited by being a bakery. And while the burger I ate at Chickpea & Olive was hands down the best thing I ate this year, they suffer from a lack of options. I guess I am defining a restaurant as having multiple options and not just desserts.

I had only one shot at Champs Diner. Because of that, I wanted to eat everything on the menu. I wanted the mozzarella sticks and the buffalo wings and the seitan asada fries and a grinder and reuben and Philly Cheesesteak. Eventually I settled on a buffalo chick'n hero for me. J-Fur ordered an Awesome Bowl and Z-Bot the mac and cheese.

The Buffalo Chick'n Hero, which was made up of spicy buffalo chick'n, greens, tomatoes, sautéed onions and ranch dressing, was slightly salty. I loved the creamy, spicy combo. What made Champs stand out to me was the mac and cheese. This dish was perfection. It was cheesy and creamy without the weird texture that a lot of vegan cheeses seem to suffer from. The Awesome Bowl has quinoa, tofu scramble, bell peppers, garlic sautéed kale, home fries and hollandaise sauce. With that list of ingredients, it sounds like it should be one of the greatest things I've ever tasted. It pretty much was.

Click (Music): Donuts, Gryffin, Stranger Things, and Where Eagles Dare

Fresh off another trip to Dun-Well Doughnuts in Brooklyn, I've got vegan donuts on the brain. I apologize in advance for any fried dough references which may be forthcoming.

"All I Need" by Cape Cub

One of the "sweetest treats on the high streets" is the spongy, sugary, UK yum yum. Seeing as this doughy dessert calls the same nation home as Cape Cub (aka Chad Male), it would be easy to assume that his new single, "All I Need," is about his affinity for a nice warm yum yum. I've written, what I think are, the lyrics over and over in my journal. I've read them from the perspective of a relationship and a love of yum yums. I'm not convinced one way or the other. Even the press release which has a quote from Chad saying that "All I Need" is about "saying 'things don't feel too good right now, I don't even know what's going on, but without you it'd be so much worse'" does nothing but heighten my confusion. Lover of human? Lover of doughy desserts? I guess you'll just have to decide.



"Where Eagles Dare" by Greta Morgan & Katy Goodman (the Misfits Cover)

Glen Danzing, the man who originally wrote "Where Eagles Dare" showed up in an episode of Portlandia last year. He said, about the experience, that show writers Fred (Armisen) and Carrie (Brownstein) along with the rest of their crew give him a third reason to visit Portland. The first two? Voodoo Doughnut and Powell's bookstore. In their new cover of the Misfits single, Greta Morgan (of Springtime Carnivore) and Katy Goodman (of La Sera) tone down the raw aggressiveness of the original and up the sugary harmonizing. Their version is, as the press release suggests, a full circle return to the girl group and '50s rock & roll sound that initially inspired Danzig while he was penning the track.



"Whole Heart" by Gryffin featuring Bipolar Sunshine

Aside from being a fabulous dance track, "Whole Heart" has actually performed quite a service for society. Before hearing the song I was a somewhat reluctant organ donor. I was totally cool with passing on my lungs, liver, kidneys and even my stomach. When it came to the heart, I was cool giving up my aorta, left ventricle and left atrium but I insisted on holding on to the right ventricle and atrium (I considered them my "lucky" heart parts). But hearing Bipolar Sunshine say over and over "you've got to got to got to go whole heart" convinced me that I was being selfish holding on to my "lucky" heart parts. So how exactly can this be labelled "quite a service for society?" Well, considering I have heard from upwards of a hundred people who have said they "want a piece of me" I've now fully committed to their having just that.




"Eternity" by Communions

It has been a bunch of Stranger Things this and Stranger Things that this week as all my co-workers seem to be going down that path. I hear there are trapper keepers in the show as well as many other fabulous things that made the 80's such a sh***y time. You know what the 80's needed? "Eternity" by Communions. I mean these guys know how to summon the hypothetical 80's pop monster, collar it  and tame it into ET like obedience. How much better would the 80's have been had these guys dropped this track then? Of course, that would mean 2016 would be a lot less nostalgic. I'm not sure I'm willing to trade one for the other. My lingering thought with this track is the line, "I wonder why eternity won't end, here we go again." Replace eternity with the 80's or donuts or the long term effects of lyme disease, it doesn't really matter. The power of constant questioning remains the same. That's when you know you've penned a stellar line.

As a bit of a side note, I'd love for Communions to teach a class on lyric writing to Judah & the Lion. Man, I just feel like that mandolin and banjo are completely wasted because of their do-nothing-for-me lyrics.



"Somebody Else" by Verite (the 1975 cover)

On my last visit to Dun-well Donuts, I ordered a blueberry donut sundae. The vegan ice cream choices were strawberry and peanut butter. The lady checking me out said that a combination of the two would be like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She suggested I go that route. I thought about what she recommended, briefly, and then decided to do my own thing. In short, I let Dun-well and 3 Little Birds (the ice cream maker) do most of the work, but then I put my own twist on the final product. This is very similar to how Verite approaches cover songs. While overall she is not "too keen" on covering songs, every once in a while "things just fall into place" and a cover song happens. With her version of "Somebody Else" by the 1975, Verite tried to embrace the aesthetic (it is simple and relatable) and effective writing of the original. She then took it into her world and reinterpreted it a bit.



"Last Call" by Louis Vivet featuring Mister Blonde

Louis Vivet is a new member of the Liftoff family, a label run by the Disco Fries. Consider him the tiny baby. Only this tiny baby doesn't have to go through the same learning process as everyone else. Nope, the Louis Vivet version of a tiny baby can already make a fabulous dance track. That's something that my toddler still can't do. "Last Call" may not have much in common with J. Dilla, I have to admit that when I hear it, especially in a donut frame of mind, I can't help but think about this.



Videos:

"333" by Against Me!

Natasha, is that you? It took me until halfway through "333" for me to realize that the reason the actress looked so familiar is because it is Natasha Lyonne from Orange is the New Black. I'd have to say she's a pretty good pick when it comes to illuminating the push/pull relationship between repression and free sexuality. I mean isn't that what her character on OITNB deals with a large portion of the time?



"It's Just Us Now" by Sleigh Bells 

"It's Just Us Now" is almost like two songs in one. You've got the Sleigh Bells of old putting their mark all over the verses, I'm talking combining sonic elements, pushing sounds to and past their limits until they sound like an aural chainsaw. Then there is the new Sleigh Bells, the one that has stopped and started the writing of their new album, Jessica Rabbit, over and over during the last three years as they have tried to push free of the box that their previous releases have put them in. Jessica Rabbit found the band trying out new instrumentation and time signatures, swapping guitars for a synth pad, and even inviting in an outsider (Mike Elizondo who has worked with Dr. Dre and Fiona Apple among others) for the first time. The new Sleigh Bells features melodies that zig-zag in different directions, sort of like playing a game of flirtatious tag with those sonic elements. Both song and album are beautiful, ever-modulated, exercises in controlled chaos.



 Get All of 2016's Click Tracks (when available) in One Spotify Playlist:

Food Pairing 101: What Goes Well with the New Single From Hazel English?

"I'm Fine" is a beautifully blurry indie-pop track powered by transcendent melodies and caked in layers of Californian sunshine and redolent reverb.
-Hazel English Press Release

Did someone say cake? No? I swear I heard someone mention cake. Right now, while I was just sitting here listening to the new Hazel English single, "I'm Fine." "I'm Fine," like most of Hazel English's tracks, can best be described as sun drenched indie pop with a little bit of lo-fi on the side. Listening to her, I'm reminded a lot of Day Wave. The 25-year-old Oakland-based artist recently announced her debut 12-inch vinyl EP, Never Going Home, on House Anxiety/Marathon Artists. You'll be able to get your hands on it October 7th.

I'd pair this stunning track with some sort of sunshiney vegan cake. This vegan lemon sunshine layer cake seems like it would do just the trick.

Click (Food): Shark Bait, Adam Lambert Foils Vegans, Google Embraces Vegan Shrimp and Buffalo Quinoa Balls

Happenings:

• Pip's Original Doughnuts put out a help wanted ad for a new barista this week. The ad included that statement that “No non-medical, non-religious dietary restrictions that would stop you from tasting, accurately representing our food and maintaining quality control to maintain the highest standards of food safety and excellence. We serve products with meat (including bacon) nuts, dairy and our doughnuts contain wheat gluten.” It then continued with Portland doesn't need another "moody hipster providing lame service." So as long as your doctor or religion prescribes you a vegan diet, you are good to apply? If you are doing it for any other reason, look elsewhere? Here's my doctor's note.

• Former NFL player Warren Sapp got bit by a shark while fishing for lobster. PETA rewarded him with a letter explaining the terror humans inflict on other species and a meal of vegan lobster. I'm wondering if he didn't get bit because he told the shark to "stop talking and oral me?" and the shark misunderstood what he meant.

• The new mayor of Turin, Italy has decided to make a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle a priority for her city. Calls of "meat terrorism" commencing in three, two, one...

• If you are looking to travel and need a place to stay that supports your vegan/vegatarian lifestyle? Check out vegvisits.

• Adam Lambert used to be most famous for...something, something singing? Now he can add sneaking meat into vegan customer's foods and bragging about it on Instagram to his resume. *What's that? Hold on. Leaves to receive a call from his agent. Damn, I've just been informed by my agent that these are actually two different people with the same name. Let me go on record as saying that both of their resumes suffer because of this.

• PETA is sending vegan lobsters. Google is switching to vegan shrimp on their campus. Weird because I thought fish were already vegan?

• Ikea's food truck, as part of their #Togetherweeat campaign will be visiting some fine festivals across this country and handing out a free vegan stack (made with their vegan meatballs, pickled ginger, avocado, wasabi and eggless mayo). Question is, do you trust that those meatballs are actually vegan?

Recipes:

Chickpea and Vegetable Picnic Hand Pies by Tinned Tomatoes

These cute little hand pies were crafted completely by ingredients from Iceland. Don't you worry, there isn't anything super exotic that you won't be able to find in your local grocer. Well, except for the pönnukökur (kidding). 

Buffalo Quinoa Balls with Vegan Ranch Dipping Sauce by V Nutrition

Mary Ellen, of V Nutrition, and I have something in common. We both are in the habit of carrying a small hot sauce around in our purses wherever we go. You can judge me all you want about carrying a purse but I used to stick bottles of hot sauce in my pockets and they alway seemed to break and...um...get on stuff they shouldn't. I quickly learned carrying a purse beats burning genitalia any day of the week.

Vegan Mega Burger with Seitan from Sandra Vungi Vegan

Pan-fried seitan steaks, carrot cheese sauce, grilled vegetables all on a burger bun? This mega burger appears to offer a lot more variety than the other mega burger I cam across this week.

Mini Key Lime and White Chocolate Cheesecakes from PeacemealXO

These mini cheesecakes are the sole reason that I went out today, bought a bunch of key lime trees and planted them in my backyard. Big mistake. I read, post planting, that they are a pain in the ass to grow and maintain. Nothing's ever easy in the world of vegan cheesecakes.

Where We Eat: Buttermilk Provisions

Rumor has it Dana M., owner and chief baker of Buttermilk Provisions in Wesley Chapel, used to go on all out baking binges around the holidays. She would ask anyone important enough to be worth inviting to come to her place and eat some of the hundreds of donuts that she was baking. When I asked Dana about this rumor she laughed and said "I don't do that anymore. They want my donuts, they have to come here to get them."

Buttermilk Provisions can best be described as a bakery, coffee and tea shop. The shop is located in a strip mall just north of Wiregrass Mall. While the outside screams "typical Florida business experience" and "nothing unique to see here" the inside is anything but typical. The left side of the shop is lined with couches, chairs and coffee tables. This is usually where we wind up because Z-Bot prefers her coffee and donut experiences to be of the slightly more comfortable variety. The right side includes high tables, barstools and an entire wall covered by an old school chalkboard. This board has been decorated with chalk designed donut and coffee art, propaganda and quotes. It also serves as a coffee education zone (what makes a latte a latte?) and menu board. Buttermilk Provisions offers four rotating donut flavors per day. At least one flavor will be gluten free. Some days they offer vegan donuts, other times vegans will have to forgo the donuts and try out some of the vegan banana bread. Whether it is donuts or banana bread, Buttermilk Provisions makes it a point to have at least one vegan option daily.

My first experience with Buttermilk Provisions was a slightly dry slice of vegan banana bread that my friend brought to me at work during their soft opening phase. I wasn't really impressed with it so I felt no urgency to return. This summer that same friend told me that Buttermilk Provisions had rolled out a chocolate vegan donut. She, being a meat and dairy eater all the way, had gone out of her way to sample the donut. She loved it. When a second co-worker, also not a vegan, exclaimed how good it was, I decided it was time to give the bakery another go. I rolled in with my daughter last Friday and inquired about the vegan chocolate donut I had been hearing about. Dana informed me that they had a dairy free chocolate donut that day but she had unfortunately covered it with an egg filled caramel sauce. I'm sure my face didn't hide my displeasure. What the hell? Why go halfway vegan? (She later explained that people had been clamoring for her caramel sauce and she thought pairing it with the chocolate donut would be perfect. Once she finished she realized that she had now taken her vegan donut and made it not vegan.) I was informed that they had a vegan banana bread and I, begrudgingly, ordered a piece of it. For Z-Bot, I got her one of the halfway vegan chocolate donuts.

This time around I was blown away by the banana bread. It wasn't nearly as dry as the first time. I liked how the banana bread was dense and had only a slight banana taste to it. It wasn't overly sweet. There were chunks of vegan chocolate and walnuts spread throughout. They helped break up some of the denseness of the bread and assisted in making each bite a slightly sweet, crunchy, chocolatey affair. I was so impressed with the bread that when I returned today, and they had a vegan donut, I opted to get both the donut and the bread.

Banana bread with a fancy plastic cup of water

Today's vegan donut was a chocolate glazed, chocolate donut that was also gluten free. It was baked, like all Buttermilk Provisions' donuts are. Since I ordered the donut for Z-Bot, I only wanted to break off a small piece. When I did, about half the donut crumbled in my hands. It did not hold together very well. The donut was moist, something that is often times the downfall of vegan desserts. It looked, felt and tasted more like cake than a donut. Just know this. If you are vegan and expecting a donut that feels like a donut, uh, go to Brooklyn. If you are okay with a vegan donut that acts like a cake, go for it. I was pleased that the donut did not have any weird lingering aftertaste of earth balance or something fake tasting like that (another pitfall of vegan desserts). Vegan desserts are hard to pull off and Buttermilk Provisions seems to be doing a decent job of it. I'm interested to see if Dana continues to play around with more vegan donut variations or if she sticks with the tried and true.

The vegan chocolate donut and banana bread

Buttermilk Provisions serves about ten different flavors of artisan tea from Kaleisia. Their coffee consists of a cold brew, an espresso and a hot brew all from Buddy Brew. I decided a latte was in store for today. The latte was made with Buddy Brew's Double Dog Espresso (the same one I brew at home) and almond milk. Currently that is the only vegan milk that Dana offers. She has had a lot of inquiries for coconut milk but she is just tracking demand right now. Other options could come in the future or they could not. I liked that the latte wasn't overly sweet like other versions (ahem, Starbucks). You could really taste the Double Dog. This wouldn't be a good thing if the coffee wasn't up to par but, as far as I'm concerned, Buddy Brew's Double Dog is definitely a winner. The only thing I didn't like about the latte, my error of course, was that it came out warm. On a 90 degree day, I don't want warm coffee. I want it iced. But I failed to mention that when I ordered it. I've actually done this twice in the last few weeks. I'm so used to icing my own at home that I just assume everyone ices a latte. I guess I could've sent it back to have the barista fix it but I figured I wouldn't ever learn if I constantly have baristas fix my errors.

My almond milk latte, hot. Just how it should be on a stifling day in Florida

You want to make your own tea or coffee at home? Buttermilk Provisions also offers loose Kaleisia Teas and bags of Buddy Brew for sale. The Buddy Brew is especially awesome because I don't have to make the trek down to South Tampa when I run out. It is slightly more expensive than at the Buddy Brew roastery but it is the exact same price that Jug and Bottle and some of the other places that sell it around Tampa have it for. Buttermilk Provisions also has growlers for sale. 

Prices at Buttermilk Provisions are really inexpensive. This is a bit surprising considering that they use "locally sourced ingredients" and everything is "made from scratch daily." These descriptors usually mean that a business can tack on an extra dollar or two and nobody would flinch. The coffee and almond milk run you about four and a half. The banana bread is a little bit over two dollars and the donut is a little over one. Put that together and you've got two snacks, coffee and a tip for ten dollars. I am more than okay with that.

Just like Dana perfected her donut making craft over a number of years, Future Generations' new album has been an extended process. Eddie Gore had this to say about the new album: "This album has been at least 3 years in the making and we are extremely excited to finally be releasing it out to the world. We've grown so much through this process and I have to say that is probably the biggest theme through the whole thing: Growth." The album's new single, "Thunder in the City," fits nicely into my coffee, donut and banana bread runs because, well, it is summer in Tampa. That means everyday there is a period of lightning, thunder and rain. 

Taste of Brooklyn

Back in April, an invitation arrived for J-Fur and I to attend a wedding in Brooklyn. We were stoked. We started making plans for a weeklong tour of the city. I bookmarked the sh** out of all the vegan restaurants in the area and began taking detailed notes about the different dishes I wanted to try. She scoped out tattoo parlors and laundromats (or whatever it is that she is into now-a-days). But then my job came calling, offering me a pretty unique two week summer gig. And Google came calling J-Fur, asking her to do a bit of technical support. Just like that our weeklong trip to Brooklyn became a two day one. That Brooklyn eating extravaganza I dreamed up? Reduced to a period of about four hours.

With only four hours to eat, I had to make my calories count. I sought out things that I can't get in Tampa. Our first stop was Dun-Well Doughnuts. Up until recently, there were absolutely no good vegan donuts in the Tampa area. With the opening of Buttermilk Provisions, and their one type of vegan donut, this might not be the case anymore. I say might because I have yet to give the vegan donut at Buttermilk a whirl. Anyway, Dun-Well doesn't play the whole regular donuts with one vegan option game. Everything at Dun-Well is vegan. This includes the lattes, ice cream, milkshakes, sundaes, donuts, horchata and egg type things. I really wanted to try everything that Dun-Well had to offer. I wanted to come back six days in a row, sampling a different thing each time. The doughnut sundae caught my eye. So did the milkshakes and the lime doughnut. But having just a four hour window forced me to make a decision. I only had one go at this, I had to make it right. So I went with the one most recommended on Yelp, the Peanut Butter and Jelly doughnut. J-Fur ordered a straight chocolate donut. Because there was a ten dollar minimum for credit card usage, J-Fur also ordered a tea and I tacked on a lavender lemonade. Our bill...ten dollars exactly. One thing about Dun-Well's brand of doughnuts, they are certainly not cheap.

The chocolate frosted and peanut butter and jelly doughnuts.

I bit into the PB&J and did a bit of a mind gasp. I'm not a doughnut fan in the least, but this one, it was delicious. The peanutty glaze was not sugary, like I feared, it still had a strong peanut taste. The doughnut was fluffy, sort of like a dough pillow for the rich peanut topping to rest it's weary head. The jelly inside the doughnut was a nice sweet contrast to the rich peanut glaze and doughy doughnut. I offered a bite to J-Fur who remarked "It's way too sweet" after she tasted it. I shook my head in disbelief. I think her tastebuds have just been worn down by all the Dr. Pepper. J-Fur and I both agreed about the chocolate doughnut, it was too salty. Had it been a chocolate and sea salt doughnut, it would've been right on the money. But because she only wanted a chocolate doughnut, it completely missed the mark. I'm not sure if Dun-Well offers a salted chocolate version but, if they do, perhaps it was bartender error that led to the less than stellar doughnut.

My last foray into the world of lavender lemonade came at Kaleisia Tea in Tampa and I wasn't super impressed by it (don't construe this as a knock on the lavender lemonade, it is more a celebration of how awesome the matcha limeade is). The Dun-Well Doughnut version was just how I like it. The lemonade wasn't super sweet and the lavender offered a slight little flavor boost to the drink. It was very refreshing on a sweltering day. 

While returning the handcrafted pottery plate that our doughnuts were served on to the dish collection area, I overheard the bartender talking about Champs Diner. This was one of the places that I had bookmarked. I decided to approach him with my own take on one of those deserted island questions. I said "If you only had four hours in town, were vegan, and really wanted to experience what New York vegan food was all about, where would you go?" He replied, "Champs Diner" is really worth it. So we headed that direction. 

Champs is only about a block away from Dun-Well Doughnuts. Like Dun-Well, Champs is completely vegan. The diner describes itself as serving "Americana comfort food with a no-fuss, laid-back attitude." I contemplated filling the table with various dishes so that I could just sample a bit of everything. I wanted some mozzarella sticks and buffalo wings and seitan asada fries and a grinder and reuben and Philly Cheesesteak. S**t man, I wanted the whole menu. When I realized that Champs was a cash only joint, I had to temper my desires a bit. I had come with limited cash so I'd have to stick with one menu item for me, one for J-Fur and one for Z-Bot. I settled on the buffalo chick'n hero, J-Fur ordered an Awesome Bowl and we ordered Z-Bot the mac and cheese.

Buffalo Chick'n Hero

The Buffalo Chick'n Hero consists of spicy buffalo chick'n, greens, tomatoes, sautéed onions and ranch dressing on a hero. I've eaten a version of this at my house and I love the combo of spicy buffalo sauce and creamy ranch dressing. For some reason, and I couldn't place what it was, the Champ's version seemed overly salty. I remember having the same type of issue with a lot of the items on the Chicago Diner menu back in the day. While the sandwich was still good, it fell short of the perfection that I was hoping for. 

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The mac and cheese

You know what didn't fall short of perfection? The mac and cheese. This dish was total bomb squad. It was cheesy and creamy without the weird texture or aftertaste that a lot of vegan cheeses seem to suffer from. My daughter only ate a few bites so we took the leftovers home. Later in the evening I pregamed for the wedding by eating the rest of it. About the only negative with the mac and cheese is that it is very oily. Be careful with it, especially if you take it to go. You don't want your three year old to swing it and hit you and ruin a pair of your shorts. 

The Awesome Bowl

The Awesome Bowl was full of quinoa, tofu scramble, bell peppers, garlic sautéed kale, home fries and hollandaise sauce. With that list of ingredients, it sounded like it should be one of the greatest things I've ever tasted. It was. But a large reason for that is because I ate from the side that was not drowned in Hollandaise sauce. Unfortunately, for J-Fur, she couldn't finish the dish because it had too much sauce on it. She loved the part that had only a smattering. Next time, she'd do it on the side.

By the end of our meal at Champ's, I was stuffed to the point of almost being uncomfortable. I knew then that I would be unable to hack a beet burger, New York style pizza or Chinese food. I threw in the white flag and headed home, satisfied, but not downright floored.

Check out my other Tastes of posts:
New Orleans
New York
Orlando
Savannah

Food Flavored Song: Apple Pie by Rafferty

When I think of Apple Pies, I think of a mouthwatering blend of sweet, tart and crisp apples swirled superbly with cinnamon, brown sugar and, perhaps, a slight sprinkling of nutmeg or lemon (if I want to get a little funky). All of that is then blanketed and baked in a golden, flakey crust. Are you picturing what I'm describing? If so, I did my job. If not, I need to head back to my local writer's guild and tell them that their crappy (and free) descriptive writing class did not work. Maybe I'll even write up a bill and charge them for my time.

Back to that picture you had. Was the setting a church bake sale? Inquiring minds and s**t. Okay, take a gigantic brain eraser and get rid of everything you just imagined, except for the church. Because Rafferty's debut single, "Apple Pie," ain't sweet. It ain't the kind of thing that you'll want to dip your finger in and taste. You won't be clamoring to lick the empty bowl. A lemon? That's child's play. "Apple Pie" is grimy and sinfully fun. It is smokey and boozy and feels like a striptease at church. The music resembles something that your garage might house after you move that old organ that your grandfather's church just sold in. There's blasting guitars that start and stop on a dime while the organ, oh that organ, pulsates in the distance. Rafferty brings the fun by incorporating a series of clap tracks, belting out an "Ahhhhh, ahhh, ahhh" chorus and taking a page from the preacher's book with an intense call and response. If he brought the fire and brimstone instead of just begging for some of that apple pie, it would seem right at home.

Nope, your typical apple pie just doesn't fit with this track. If you want a dish that epitomizes what Rafferty has going on here, you need to imagine something closer to these Devilish Apple Pie Tacos. These tacos bring all that sugary goodness of the original, lock it away in some fried tortillas and then get covered with three types of cream (yep, they'll need some of that vegan magic to make them kosher). That sounds more like it.