Cook: Zucchini Crab Cakes

At least once a week the following conversation takes place:

Person: Ah, you are a vegan. Cool, cool, cool. What do you eat?
Me: Vegetables, beans, nuts, cereal, pasta, sandwiches, pickles, mustard, you know, normal stuff. Oh, and BBQ sauce. I really like BBQ sauce.
Person: What about (insert random food here)?
Me: Yep, I eat that.
Person: How about fish?
Me: Are fish considered swimming vegetables?
Person: Huh?
Me: Nevermind. Great catching up with you. See you around.

People of this beautiful world. Despite what you may have heard from others (like that weird "vegetarian" art teacher that eats turkey on Thanksgiving), let me set the record straight. If it breathes, even if it is through gills, a vegetarian or vegan won't eat it. Now I'm not writing this post because I care what others label themselves, call yourself whatever you want. You want to be vegetarian that eats steak? By all means, have at it. You want to eat Veal Parmigiana and pretend you are one hundred percent plant based? Just do it! The reason I'm writing this post is to save me the headache, or rather the tedium, of having this same conversation week in and week out. Skipping the fish talk would allow our conversations to progress into some really interesting realms. I'm talking tempeh, seitan, maybe even mycoprotein. That would be the fish's gullet.

Tonight I decided it was high time I stopped fighting it and just started eating "fish" (that's also the name of the documentary I am currently penning). The only thing is my version of "fish" is actually created by swimming vegetables. It combines grated zucchini, aquafaba, breadcrumbs, vegan butter and Old Bay Seasoning. Behold, I give you Zucchini Crab Cakes. Just like Baltimore would've made them had they been a vegan who was bored to death talking about whether they do or do not eat fish.

Zucchini Crab Cakes
(printable version)

-3 zucchini, grated
-3 Tbs. aquafaba
-2 Tbs. vegan butter, melted
-1 cup Italian style breadcrumbs
-1/4 cup minced onion
-1 tsp. Old Bay Seasoning
-1/4 cup of flour

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a baking sheet with a tiny bit vegetable oil. Set aside.

2. Grate the zucchini in a large bowl. Using a towel, press some of the moisture out of the zucchini. Add the aquafaba, melted butter, breadcrumbs, onions and Old Bay Seasoning. Mix until everything is uniform.

3. Pour the flour into a second bowl. Form the zucchini mixture into small patties. Roll them in the flour. Place them on the greased baking sheet.

4. Bake for 15 minutes. Remove from the baking sheet from the oven and flip each crab cake using a spatula. Bake for another 15 minutes. Top the crab cakes with some vegan mayo mixed with hot sauce. Eat those swimming vegetables!

Listen to this dish!