Philly's Phinest: Vegan Philly Cheesesteak (now Wit Cheese)

Z-Bot had the wonderful idea of decorating our newly purchased six foot Christmas tree with mushrooms. These weren't the magical kind that regrow brain cells or cure depression, they were just your typical portobellos on a moldy ass stem. I played along by putting some hooks through the mushrooms and hanging them just out of her reach. After showcasing the portobellos for a few hours, I removed them from the tree with the intention of breading and basting them in hot sauce for some buffalo flavored 'shrooms. But, when the time came, I didn't have the motivation. I stuck them in the back of the refrigerator and told myself that I'd do it tomorrow. Tomorrow came and went. So did the next day and the next. Pretty soon calendar pages would be falling off the wall and those 'shrooms would join forces with even more mold and wind up mutating into god knows what. My veggie cheesesteak was easy enough, so I decided to take that route to get the mushrooms out of my refrigerator. 

The only problem with the veggie cheesesteak route is the cheese. Since I quit dairy, I haven't found a competent replacement for the cheese on cheesesteak. It is bad enough that I bastardize the thing with mushrooms instead of steak. But cooking one up and not putting any cheese on it frankly defeats the purpose. I mean can you have a cheesesteak without cheese and steak? So I set to work trying to find a vegan cheese that would work. I stumbled on a sweet potato, coconut milk and nooch version by Connoisseurus Veg. I have a pretty good idea what you are thinking. No fu**ing way can sweet potato, coconut milk and nooch make something that tastes like Cheez Whiz. Well, my friend, you are absolutely right. This doesn't taste like Cheez Whiz. It won't confuse you. You won't bite into this sandwich and think you are on the streets of Philadelphia eating at Pat's or Geno's. On the other hand, it tastes good. It exists as it's own thing. If you just take the mindset that this is a completely new type of cheese, one that you have never sampled before, you will find that it isn't too shabby. What's better is this cheese sauce can go where no vegan cheese has gone before (at least in my house). I'm talking soft pretzels, nachos and fried green tomato sandwiches.

Vegan Cheesesteak (Wit Cheese)
(printable version)

-1 onion, diced
-1 green pepper, diced
-3 large portobellos, diced
-steak sauce
-olive oil
-sub rolls, toasted

for the cheese:
-2 sweet potatoes, cubed and boiled until soft
-1/4 cup full fat coconut milk
-3 Tbs. Nutritional Flakes
-3 Tbs. olive oil
-2 Tbs. soy sauce
-2 Tbs. lemon juice
-1/2 tsp. garlic salt

1. Make the cheese sauce by placing all the ingredients in a blender and blending until smooth. Set aside.

2. Saute the green pepper and onions in olive oil until they are fragrant and beginning to caramelize. Add the mushrooms and a bit of steak sauce. Cook until the portobellos have softened, released their juices and the juice has cooked off.

3. Spoon the mushroom mixture into a sub roll. Drizzle the "cheese sauce" overtop. Add your favorite condiments. Eat it.

In musical form this sandwich is akin to a big helping of lemon.

Philly's Phinest: Vegetarian Italian Roast Pork Sandwich Pulled by Velociraptor

Time for another installment of Philly's Phinest (cheese steak, jalapeno jack soft pretzels, vegan pretzel stick with agave nectar mustard). This time we are celebrating the beginning of baseball season. While I follow hockey regularly and football sporadically, baseball is numero uno in my book. Nothing beats the warm weather, the green fields, the statistics and the nuances involved in the game (of course it doesn't hurt that the Phillies have been money the last few years). Friday, at one, was the beginning of their season. This meant I would miss the game because of work. Thankfully it was being televised nationally so I was able to record it on my computer. After work: I came home, cooked a batch of vegetarian Italian Roast Pork Sandwiches and watched the Phillies pull out a nailbiter. What a way to begin the season!

Italian Roast Pork Sandwich
(printable version)

For the pork:
-1 batch of seitan
-olive oil
-1 1/4 Tbs. rosemary
-2 cloves of garlic
-1 1/2 Tbs. parsley
-1 tsp. salt
-black pepper

For the collard greens:
-8 ounces collard greens
-2 cloves garlic
-1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes
-1/4 cup olive oil
-cooking water

Additional Items:
-sub rolls
-smoked provolone cheese (or a vegan substitute)

1. Make the seitan according to directions (I used Post Punk Kitchen's version although I left out the soy sauce from the cooking water). Pre-packaged seitan would work just as well (though you can't flavor it how you like).

2. While the seitan is cooking, fill a pot with three quarts of water and some salt. Bring the water to a rolling boil. Place the collard greens in the water and boil for seven minutes. Dump the collards in a strainer, reserving 1/4 a cup of the cooking water.

3. In a saute pan, heat 1/4 cup of olive oil over medium low heat. Add the garlic and red pepper flakes, making sure you don't burn the garlic. Cook for two minutes. Add the collard greens and saute for five minutes. Dump in the reserved cooking water and heat for an additional five minutes (or until you are finished with the seitan).

4. Heat a tablespoon of olive oil over medium heat in a wok. Slice the seitan into strips and place in the wok. Saute for five minutes.

5. Mix the rosemary, parsley, garlic, salt and pepper in a bowl. Spread over the top of the seitan. Using a spatula, flip the seitan and cook for five more minutes on the other side.

6. To assemble the sandwiches. Gently toast the sub rolls in the oven until desired texture. Layer the provolone cheese on the bottom, the seitan next and top with the collard greens. Enjoy with your favorite condiments.

Notes: The traditional philly sandwich calls for broccoli rabe but here in the south, it isn't easy to find so I used collards instead. You can leave the salt out of the rosemary mixture seeing as the seitan already has a slight saltiness to it.

Picture a lusus naturae with twelve heads, twenty four arms and the ability to pen a garage rock lullaby in a matter of moments. Got the picture? It probably looks a lot like Brisbane's Velociraptor. Inspired by the likes of the Zombies, Gerry and the Pacemakers and the Honeycombs, Velciraptor is currently recording their debut album (which should be released in the second half of 2011). For now we have "In the Springtime" and "Sleep with the Fishes" to tide us over. Thanks to Triple J Unearthed for the introduction.

Velociraptor-Sleep with the Fishes

Velociraptor-In the Springtime

Philly's Phinest: Michael Vick, Soft Pretzels and Vegan Agave Mustard tackled by Middle Brother, Le Fever and Evols

(image from NFLnewsworld.com)

The day has finally arrived, it is playoff football time for Philadelphia fans. I will be chowing down on pretzel sticks and vegan agave sweetened mustard as I watch Michael Vick do his thing.

Before I move on to the recipe, I'd like to say a little bit about Michael Vick and my feelings about him. Even before he was an Eagle, I liked to watch highlights of the things he could do on the football field. It was extraordinary how he could single handedly win football games. But that is Vick as an athlete. Vick as a man is a completely separate issue. It is one rife in race, socioeconomic status, animal rights and friendship. Michael Vick did a despicable thing, in my eyes, when he wreaked havoc on the lives of defenseless animals. But, having worked with people who fight animals as sport, I realize that it is something that they were raised on. Vick saw his first fight at the age of 7. Kids in that age range are impressionable and when they see their friends and family members doing something, they will take it up as a form of mimicry. Vick had ample opportunity, as he got older and made some money, to turn away from that world. He choose not to. But would we have done anything different. If it was such a big part of our childhood, friendships and family relationships? I can say I would've but I can't be sure. I'm not, and wasn't ever, in that situation. So I'm willing, as long as he keeps himself out of any sort of trouble in the future, to continue to be open-minded about Michael Vick (whether he is an Eagle or not). Would I ever buy his jersey? No. Would I ever want to hang out with the guy? No. But if he is indeed a changed man, and I probably won't know that until he dies, I at least won't speak out against him.

Now on to the game (and pretzels).

Vegan Pretzel Sticks
(here is a non-vegan spicy version)

Vegan Agave Sweetened Mustard

One song that accompanied the soft pretzel production experience was "Winter Joy" by Evols. "Winter Joy" is murky and ethereal, two things that remind me of winter (or at least the Pennsylvania version of it). The song comes from a self titled full length which you can hear in its entirety here. Thanks to I Guess I'm Floating for the track.

Evols-Winter Joy

Middle Brother is a "supergroup" of sorts, although I am not a big fan of that description. Basically the band includes Taylor Goldsmith (Dawes), John McCauley (Deer Tick) and Matthew Vazquez (The Delta Spirit). "Me Me Me" is a rollicking, high energy piano pounding song that has a slight bit of "Great Balls of Fire" in it. It is from the bands upcoming self titled release (March 1st via Partisan Records).

Middle Brother-Me Me Me

I don't know much about Le Fever. I know they are from Sweden, they use a brilliant combination of male and female vocals and they are the type of music I would hope to hear at a Lutheran Block Party. "This is the Last Time" addresses one of my huge problems, crying on the dance floor. I can't help it.

Le Fever-This is the Last Time

Philly's Phinest: Jalapeno Jack Soft Pretzels Salted with Gaslight Anthem and Steel Train

Bretzelsonndeg, or Pretzel Sunday, is a celebration in Luxembourg that occurs annually on the fourth Sunday of Lent. Boys give their sweethearts a pretzel (or a cake in the shape of a pretzel). The bigger the pretzel, the more he likes a girl.

When I made pretzels a couple of Sundays ago, I thought long and hard about making J-Fur an oven sized one. In the end I bucked the Bretzelsonndeg trend and went with more, smaller pretzels instead of less, larger ones. I think she got the gist of my intentions. If not, there is always next Lent.

Pepper Jack Soft Pretzels (adapted from Martha Stewart)

(printable version)

-2 cups warm water
-1 Tbsp. sugar
-1 packet active dry yeast
-5 cups all purpose flour (could need closer to six)
-1 Tbsp. salt
-2 tsp. vegetable oil
-2 Tbsp. baking soda
-1 large egg
-2 jalapenos, seeds removed
-2 oz. jack cheese
-cooking spray
-pretzel salt

1. Combine the warm water and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer. Stir until sugar is dissolved. Pour in the packet of active dry yeast and let sit for ten minutes (the concoction should become foamy).

2. Fit the electric mixer with a dough hook. Add 1 cup of flour to the yeast and mix, on low, until combined. Add salt and 4 cups of flour. Again, mix until combined. Dice the jalapenos (very small dice) and add, along with the jack cheese, to the dough. Increase the mixer speed to medium and continue mixing the dough until it starts to pull away from the sides of the bowl (about two minutes). If dough is sticky, add more flour. Remove the dough from the mixer and knead with your hands for about 3o seconds. Transfer to a lightly floured surface and knead a few more times until dough is smooth.

3. Pour vegetable oil into a large metal bowl, swirl to coat the sides of the bowl. Put dough in this bowl and roll until all sides have been covered by oil. Cover with a towel, place in warm oven, and allow dough to rise for an hour.

4. Remove the dough from the oven and increase the oven temperature to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

5. Lightly spray two baking sheets with cooking spray. Set aside. Punch down dough to remove any bubbles. Knead dough again and divide into sixteen pieces.

6. Roll dough, one piece at a time, into long strands. Shape the dough. To make a pretzel shape: cross one end of the dough over another, twist around the strand two times and bring those twists up to meet the top hoop (that was formed when you crossed the strands over each other).

7. In a large shallow pot bring two inches of water to a boil. Add baking soda and reduce heat to a simmer. Place four pretzels in the water and poach for 1 minute (one side only). Remove pretzels with a slotted spoon and place on the baking sheet. Continue until all pretzels have been dipped into the water.

8. Beat the egg with 1 tablespoon of water. Using a pastry brush, brush the egg mixture onto the surface of the pretzels. Sprinkle with salt. Bake in the oven until golden, about 12 minutes.

Alright, follow me here. When I think soft pretzels, I think Philadelphia because that is one of the many things they are famous for. When I think Philadelphia, I think New Jersey (it is right across the river). When I think New Jersey, I think of Steel Train and the Gaslight Anthem (and Bruce Springsteen). Therefore soft pretzels...well, you get the point.

Steel Train has a new self-titled album out. "Bullet" is the first track on the album (which you can buy here). The band is currently making their way through selected cities in the southern part of the US before doing some east coast dates.

Harvey's Kitchen: Steel Train, Bullet from Harvey Robinson on Vimeo.

Download the album version of "Bullet"at Speakers in Code.

The Gaslight Anthem is not one of J-Fur's favorite bands. They go slow when she thinks they should go fast. Brian Fallon sings too nice. They sound too much like Bruce Springsteen. What she fails to see is the stories the band tells in their songs, something that is oftentimes missing from today's music. The story told below, "The Queen of Lower Chelsea" comes from American Slang, Gaslight Anthem's new album, which is out now. Buy it here.

Philly's Phinest: Veggie Cheesesteak wit' Unicorn Kid, Philadelphia Grand Jury, and Souvenirs from Fiji

I'm a dichotomy kind of guy. It's either black or white, cat or dog, one side of the fence or they other. My latest obsession is the Philadelphia Cheesesteak dichotomy, Pat's or Geno's.

Unfortunately, as most of you know, my vegetarianism does not allow me the opportunity to conduct my own experiment (although I will someday get the guts to walk up to those two stands and see which one is willing to cook up a veggie sub) so I have to live vicariously through others. The score card from my Thanksgiving trip to Philly, Pat's 2-Geno's 0.

Growing up relatively close to Philly made cheesesteaks (and soft pretzels, and butterscotch krimpets) a staple in my household. Along with meatball subs, cheesesteaks were the hardest food for me to accept that I would never eat again when I went meatless a little over ten years ago. Just like the meatball sub, I needed to create my own version. While this sub won't ever be confused with the real thing, it certainly serves its purpose.

Vegetarian Cheese Steak Recipe
(printable version)
-6 portobello mushrooms sliced
-3 white mushrooms sliced thinly (optional)
-1 green pepper, sliced
-1 onion, sliced
-1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
-shredded cheese (or cheez whiz if you want the authentic Philly taste)
-sub rolls

1. Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Place the green pepper and onion in the skillet and cook until onion is translucent (about eight minutes).

2. Add the mushrooms and cook an additional five minutes.

3. In the pan, separate the veggies into four or five different piles (depending on sub roll size). Top veggie piles with cheese and allow to melt.

4. Scoop up veggies and melted cheese and place in a sub roll. Top with ketchup, mustard, and a pickle if you desire.

It would be easy to dismiss Unicorn Kid (aka Oliver Saban) as, well, a kid. Afterall he just turned 18 years old. But Unicorn Kid has done things before the age of 18 that some of us have only dreamed of. Among other things, he was asked by the Pet Shop Boys to remix one of their singles, he was the youngest person ever to perform a live session on the BBC Radio 1, he's toured the US, Canada and Britain and...you get the point. Look for Unicorn Kid to bring his act back to the US next year when he performs SXSW. Hopefully he does this danceable ditty, "Talk to animals (wolves remix)."



What would a Philly post be without the Philadelphia Grand Jury? Don't be confused by the moniker, these guys reside continents away from Philadelphia in New South Wales, Australia. Doesn't matter. Philadelphia Grand Jury embodies exactly what I would expect from a Philly jury: they are fun, exuberant, poppy and unafraid to celebrate the shuttlecock. Here is the video from their latest single "The Good News."




Souvenirs from Fiji remind me of Tripping Daisy circa Jesus Hits Like the Atom Bomb with their Lo-fi speed rock and distorted vocals. My favorite track from their latest album, Acupuncture (purchase here), is "Waterslides are fun." No videos for that one yet so here is another song off of the album, "Grown Oblivious."

While you are at it...check out my friend Becca's 2010 calendar. It is limited (and whatever is leftover I promised to buy) so grab one for someone special this holiday season.