Courtney Aguilar was visiting El Rincon, a Mexican restaurant in Pflugerville,Texas, when she decided to get an order of their barbacoa. During her consumption of the barbecued meat that typically comes from the cheek or jaw of a cow she came across what she thought was teeth. She called her waitress over and the waitress, jokingly I hope, suggested that they weren't just any old teeth. What Ms. Aguilar found in her meat was a collection of "baby teeth."
After what I imagine could only have been an absolutely disgusting back and forth between the vendor who delivers El Rincon's barbacoa, the restaurant, and Ms. Aguilar, it was discovered that those weren't teeth that had made their way into the barbacoa but beef lips. Rest assured, everyone, beef lips are a "USDA-inspected product for human consumption.
Um, no thanks. I'll just save myself the hassle of finding baby teeth/beef lips/cow cheeks in my meal by making it all about cauliflower. To make it: baste a head and a half of browned cauliflower in a mixture of apple cider vinegar, garlic, cumin, oregano, salt, cloves, veggie broth, lime juice and chipotles in adobo sauce. Simmer it on low in a crockpot for about six hours. Serve it on flatbread topped with lettuce, sliced avocado and salsa. If you want to give your vegan dish the El Rincon treatment, this site has a fabulous suggestion.
Before the calendar turns to 2017, let’s reminisce about the finer things that food in 2016 had to offer (click on the picture for recipes and blog posts). Favorite Sandwiches:
Main Attractions:
Desserts:
Some Other Favorites of the Year: Favorite Place to Fill a Growler of Kombucha Jug and Bottle. Not only can you fill their growlers with Mother Kombucha from the tap but you can also buy bottled kombucha, local ice cream, local snack foods, Seminole Heights clothing, nitro brewed coffee (also on tap) and some cheeses and salsas that are slightly harder to find. Oh, did I mention beer and wine? No? You can buy those too.
Best Vegan Lentil Soup in a Bread Bowl: BJ's Brewhouse. I am enamored with BJ's vegan lentil soup. I've eaten it both as a bread bowl (hold the butter) and regular bowl. The soup is filling, slightly spicy and flavorful. Rare is it to find a chain restaurant in Tampa offering a vegan soup. Even rarer is the restaurant that offers a really good vegan soup. BJ's also does some beautiful Brussels Sprouts (nicely charred and crispy and tossed in oil). Best "Fancy" Vegan Pizza: Double Zero. From farro sausage to artisanal vegan cheese plates to sweet potato bruschetta, this place is all vegan all the time. It definitely isn't cheap but if you are in New York and looking for a fancy vegan dinner you can't get in Tampa, check this place out. Best Artisanal Tofu in Tampa: Thinh An Kitchen and Tofu. Best Vegan Hot Dog:
The Holiday Dog from the Vegan Hot Dog Cart. The Holiday Dog includes Florida orange-cran chutney, Carolina BBQ mustard sauce and fried onions. It was ranked back in 2014 by PETA as the number one vegan hot dog in America. I can see why. This dog was amazing. Texture wise, it wasn't as chewy as the prepackaged versions you can get at the store. The dog (and bun) basically melted in your mouth. The orange-cran chutney, bbq mustard and fried onions flowed nicely with the dog. None of the flavors stood out, instead they morphed into one giant swirl of sweet, sour and crispy.
Best Vegan Cupcake Caught on Camera: Georgetown Cupcakes. This place does live up to the hype, although I don't recommend checking out the cupcake camera. You don't want to lose too many hours of your life...
Best Veggie Burger: Chickpea & Olive. A beet burger topped with vegan cheese and avocado and served on thick toasted bread. That's the kind of food porn my wife catches me watching late at night. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can even get her to join in. It really keeps the relationship fresh.
But seriously, if you go to Smorgasburg and are a vegan, eat this burger! Best Vegan Banana Bread (aside from my own, of course): Buttermilk Provisions Best Bagels: Bagel Pub. I rolled around my tiny little high school with the hottest girl on my arm. I thought I was something special. Then I went off to college in the city and I realized that there wasn't anything special about high school me. That girl on my arm, she was small potatoes compared to the city girls. I broke up with her via AOL instant messenger and never looked back.
So what does this have to do with Bagel Pub? Well, in similar fashion, I rolled around Tampa thinking that I knew what a good bagel was. It took me four hours in New York to realize that those "bagels" I was eating were nothing more than tiny little crust rocks. They were small grains of wheat compared to the Bagel Pub bagels. Vegan Dessert of the Year:
Vegan Donuts. From Buttermilk Provisions to Alevri Marketplace to Valhalla Bakery to Dun-Well Doughnuts, I had my fair share of vegan donuts this year. Moreso than any other vegan dessert. That's why I am proclaiming that the Chinese calendar makers make 2016 forever known as the year of the vegan donut. I know it isn't an animal and all, but if I bite a doughnut in just the right places, I can easily shape it into a squirrel. That's good enough right?
Best Place to Purchase my Vegan Dessert of the Year: Dun-Well Doughnuts. Dun-Well doesn't play the whole regular donuts with one vegan option game. Everything at Dun-Well is vegan. This includes the lattes, ice cream, milkshakes, sundaes, donuts, horchata and egg type things. Tough choices. During my first visit, I went with the most recommended doughnut according to Yelp, the Peanut Butter and Jelly doughnut. As I mentioned here, the peanutty glaze of the donut was not super sugary, like I feared it would. It had a strong peanut taste. The doughnut was fluffy, sort of like a dough pillow for the rich peanut topping to rest it's weary head. The jelly inside the doughnut was a nice sweet contrast to the rich peanut glaze and doughy doughnut. Later in the year I returned and ordered a doughnut sundae. The ice cream, courtesy of 3 Little Birds, was creamy and amazing. The doughy donut underneath matched nicely.
Best Vegan Ice Cream Not in My Grocer's Freezer: 3 Little Birds Best Vegan Ice Cream From My Grocer's Freezer:
Ben and Jerry's PB & Cookies. More than twice the calories of my former go to vegan ice cream, probably because it is oh-so-good!
Vegan Restaurant of the Year Champs Diner. While I ate better dishes this year, Champs takes the cake because it is a completely vegan diner that offers a ton of different options to choose from. While I liked Dun-Well Donuts more, they are limited by being a bakery. And while the burger I ate at Chickpea & Olive was hands down the best thing I ate this year, they suffer from a lack of options. I guess I am defining a restaurant as having multiple options and not just desserts.
I had only one shot at Champs Diner. Because of that, I wanted to eat everything on the menu. I wanted the mozzarella sticks and the buffalo wings and the seitan asada fries and a grinder and reuben and Philly Cheesesteak. Eventually I settled on a buffalo chick'n hero for me. J-Fur ordered an Awesome Bowl and Z-Bot the mac and cheese.
The Buffalo Chick'n Hero, which was made up of spicy buffalo chick'n, greens, tomatoes, sautéed onions and ranch dressing, was slightly salty. I loved the creamy, spicy combo. What made Champs stand out to me was the mac and cheese. This dish was perfection. It was cheesy and creamy without the weird texture that a lot of vegan cheeses seem to suffer from. The Awesome Bowl has quinoa, tofu scramble, bell peppers, garlic sautéed kale, home fries and hollandaise sauce. With that list of ingredients, it sounds like it should be one of the greatest things I've ever tasted. It pretty much was.
My good friend Chef Chloe (I use the word "good" here loosely) posted a recipe for Red Wine Seitan BBQ in one of those Men's Fitness magazines. I think it is the one where men dress up in tight bathing suits and lean up against various sports cars in provocative poses. I came across the recipe not because I have a closet subscription to the magazine, but because my phone stalks all my searches and then inundates me with articles featuring all my favorite key words (like fantasy baseball, vegan and Donald Trump).
Normally I let Chef Chloe do her thing and just roll with it. But I was withdrawing hard from a night of pizza and seitan eating and I couldn't bear the thought of more gluten than necessary entering into my digestive system. So I decided to replace the seitan with a mixture of tempeh and portobello mushrooms. Go with seitan, do the tempeh mushroom mixture or add your own spin on things. Doesn't matter. The key here is Chef Chloe's BBQ sauce. It is absolutely stunning.
For the Tempeh and Shrooms:
-tempeh block, cut into minute cubes
-1/2 cup of portobello mushrooms
-1 cup ketchup
-¼ cup dry red wine
-1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
-1 tbsp brown sugar
-1 tsp Dijon mustard
-1 tsp onion powder
-½ tsp black pepper
-olive oil
-1 large shallot, thinly sliced
-3 scallions, thinly sliced
For the caramelized onions:
-1 large onion, thinly sliced
-2 tsp pure maple syrup
-sea salt
For the sandwiches:
-4 ciabatta rolls
-1 cup arugula
-1 small tomato, thinly sliced
1. Make the caramelized onions: In a large skillet, heat olive oil over medium heat and add onion. Season onions to your liking with sea salt. Place them in a skillet and stir frequently until they are very soft (about 20 minutes). Add maple syrup and let cook one additional minute. Set aside.
2. To prepare the BBQ tempeh and shrooms: In a bowl, whisk together ketchup, red wine, vinegar, brown sugar, mustard, onion powder, and black pepper. Set aside. In a large skillet, heat olive oil over medium-high heat and cook shallots, tempeh and shrooms until lightly browned. Add the sauce and scallions to skillet. Reduce heat to low, and gently simmer until sauce has thickened (about five minutes).
3. To prepare the sandwiches: toast ciabatta rolls. Layer some arugula, tempeh mixture, tomato, and caramelized onions on each roll. Eat it while leaning on your car provocatively wearing only some sexy underwear.
When I visited Brooklyn back in July, I was limited to just one big meal in the city. I had to sift through pages and pages of bookmarks, whittle down hundreds of options to just one. I decided that my one meal should be at Champs Diner in Williamsburg. They seemed to be everything that Tampa was lacking. Completely vegan, highly recommended, delicious diner food. After choosing Champs, I figured the hard work was done. It wasn't. There were dozens of items on Champs menu that sounded amazing. How could I choose just one? While I eventually did select one, a pretty good buffalo chicken sandwich, there was another item, an opportunity cost for those economic nerds out there, on the Champs special of the day board that stayed with me long after I left Brooklyn and returned to Tampa. That item was a Cauliflower Po' Boy. According to the description, this Po' Boy included breaded cauliflower, cajun slaw, pickles and vegan bacon. I've made a version of this sandwich several times over the past month. Most of these Cauliflower Po' Boy experiences have coincided with my listening to the debut LP from DREAMERS.
DREAMERS debut, titled This Album Does Not Exist, and the Cauliflower Po' Boy actually have quite a bit in common. On the surface, both have ties to Brooklyn. The Po' Boy idea, born at Champs, while DREAMERS spent about two years living in a practice space in the city. Both recipe and album are blurred culminations of varied experiences and tastes. For DREAMERS this means that the band wrote the album while suffering through self-induced houselessness and the aforementioned two years living in a Brooklyn practice space. Also inspiring parts of the album are the band's circling of the US four times in a small van and their experience seeing countless cities and meeting new people everywhere they went. Meanwhile, the Po' Boy variety comes from its spicy hot sauce, sour pickles, fragrant Cajun spice and salty bacon. But let's not just hang out on the surface. Let's dig a bit deeper into both album and recipe and see how else album inspires recipe and vice versa.
At the top of DREAMERS This Album Does Not Exist is "Drugs," an anthemic sing-a-long that touches on millennial partying habits. Stay high, get higher, don't think for yourselves, follow along like sheep, its okay because you are still young, do it all, everything, for the drugs, you can never get enough. These partying habits, when run through a Po' Boy language translator, are similar to what I experience when it comes to pickles. F*** if I can't get enough, do it all for them, put peanut butter on them and chalk it all up to the youth that sloshes around inside. The key here is good pickles. Don't buy that s*** that sits on your grocery counters unrefrigerated. Get 'em local from whoever dabbles in pickle making. Trust me, the subtle sourness and crunch these local honeys provide will be so worth it.
Now that you've got a fist full of drugs racing through your central nervous system, DREAMERS come out firing with one of the fastest tracks on the album. "Never Too Late To Dance" is another in a long line of songs about dancing that actually make me want to leave the kitchen and turn some ballroom full of fussy bottoms on its head. This track is catchy as hell thanks to the rhythmic background, pulsating drum beats, the grouped out oh oh ohs and the "can we chase the fire from a lost romance, it's never too late to dance" chorus. Playing the same catchy as hell, fiery, stay drunk on your kiss role in the Po' Boy is the cauliflower. Dredged in corn meal, spices, soy milk and hot sauce, and then baked in the oven, the cauliflower is hot, carby and difficult to resist. Sometimes I plan to make three or four sandwiches but only wind up with two because of my sneaking cauliflower pieces between sandwich construction. My favorite part of the sandwich, my favorite song on the album.
"Last Night on Earth" is one of those songs about watching the world blow up around you. There is a sense of urgency to the track as it questions whether this is heaven or a curse. The only thing apparent is that "s***'s going crazy." Despite the possibility that this could be the last night on earth, the song's participants seem to remain pretty level headed. I mean just the fact that they can take a few moments to contemplate whether this really is the end and seem to be pretty clear about what they want to happen if this is their last night on earth speaks volumes about their "coolness." Had this Po' Boy had some cucumbers in it, I totally would've paired that up with "Last Night on Earth." But because it doesn't, I went with the bacon portion of the sandwich. Why you ask? I feel like the bacon embraces its own flavor. S**t's going all crazy around it with cajun slaw, spicy cauliflower and sour pickles and the bacon does the whole remain calm and bacon on thing. For this Po' Boy, I used the Bacun recipe found here.
Without sounding too much like a television show, I previously featured Sweet Disaster in this post. In the post I said "tonight, you're on top of the world, the king (or queen) of some late night, neon loaded, kingdom of debauchery. Across from you is the person of your moment, the one who puts nothing but bad things into your mind when they are around. Each new destination, on this fine evening, means a different jukebox to control. You've spent time with the Ramones, the Rolling Stones and a sea of others whom you can no longer recollect. As the two of you step outside and watch the final bar close its door and shut off the lights, you lean in for your goodbyes. Despite the fact that you are both swimming "in a river of champagne," a quick glance shows that you are both on the same page when it comes to this night. While "some nights feel like every night, this one feels brand new." And that's me quoting me. "Sweet Disaster" translates nicely to the cajun slaw component of the Po' Boy. The slaw could've easily felt like every other slaw, but it's combination of vegan mayo, cabbage and cajun seasonings comes across as something brand new. Of note, after numerous failed attempts at homemade aquafaba mayo, I bit the bullet and used Hampton Creek's Just Mayo for my vegan mayo. It was my first time using the product and I loved its balance of acidic richness and smooth, almost sauce like texture.
Which brings us to the bread. The bread needs to be a good one as it is what pulls everything together in the sandwich. It is both the first and last thing that you taste. I can't help but think that all the other ingredients probably wish they could play the same essential role that the bread does in the Po' Boy. I've tried to massage all their egos and tell them how important they all are but there is definitely some jealousy that lingers between pickles, cauliflower, slaw and bread. While "Lucky Dog" isn't the first song or the last one and it doesn't come across as the most memorable (despite its kickass handclaps and driving sing-along chorus), it does deal with a similar issue. "Lucky Dog" is a song about having the hottest girl in the crew and trying to stay grounded. It isn't easy to garner all that attention and keep your head about you. The line "All my friends ingredients, wish they were me instead" seems to sum up both album and recipe.
Most of the other songs didn't really do much for me. "Wolves (You Got Me)" and "To the Fire" both got better with age and perhaps, in a month or two, they could play some role in defining the Cauliflower Po' Boy. But in the here and now, they just fall a bit short of the tracks I highlighted.
Overall, I had a blast this summer eating Po' Boys and listening to This Record Doesn't Exist by DREAMERS. Neither album nor recipe is life defining. They won't wind up on any all time lists. But both are joined together when it comes to crafting a definition for the summer of 2016.
Back in April, an invitation arrived for J-Fur and I to attend a wedding in Brooklyn. We were stoked. We started making plans for a weeklong tour of the city. I bookmarked the sh** out of all the vegan restaurants in the area and began taking detailed notes about the different dishes I wanted to try. She scoped out tattoo parlors and laundromats (or whatever it is that she is into now-a-days). But then my job came calling, offering me a pretty unique two week summer gig. And Google came calling J-Fur, asking her to do a bit of technical support. Just like that our weeklong trip to Brooklyn became a two day one. That Brooklyn eating extravaganza I dreamed up? Reduced to a period of about four hours.
With only four hours to eat, I had to make my calories count. I sought out things that I can't get in Tampa. Our first stop was Dun-Well Doughnuts. Up until recently, there were absolutely no good vegan donuts in the Tampa area. With the opening of Buttermilk Provisions, and their one type of vegan donut, this might not be the case anymore. I say might because I have yet to give the vegan donut at Buttermilk a whirl. Anyway, Dun-Well doesn't play the whole regular donuts with one vegan option game. Everything at Dun-Well is vegan. This includes the lattes, ice cream, milkshakes, sundaes, donuts, horchata and egg type things. I really wanted to try everything that Dun-Well had to offer. I wanted to come back six days in a row, sampling a different thing each time. The doughnut sundae caught my eye. So did the milkshakes and the lime doughnut. But having just a four hour window forced me to make a decision. I only had one go at this, I had to make it right. So I went with the one most recommended on Yelp, the Peanut Butter and Jelly doughnut. J-Fur ordered a straight chocolate donut. Because there was a ten dollar minimum for credit card usage, J-Fur also ordered a tea and I tacked on a lavender lemonade. Our bill...ten dollars exactly. One thing about Dun-Well's brand of doughnuts, they are certainly not cheap.
The chocolate frosted and peanut butter and jelly doughnuts.
I bit into the PB&J and did a bit of a mind gasp. I'm not a doughnut fan in the least, but this one, it was delicious. The peanutty glaze was not sugary, like I feared, it still had a strong peanut taste. The doughnut was fluffy, sort of like a dough pillow for the rich peanut topping to rest it's weary head. The jelly inside the doughnut was a nice sweet contrast to the rich peanut glaze and doughy doughnut. I offered a bite to J-Fur who remarked "It's way too sweet" after she tasted it. I shook my head in disbelief. I think her tastebuds have just been worn down by all the Dr. Pepper. J-Fur and I both agreed about the chocolate doughnut, it was too salty. Had it been a chocolate and sea salt doughnut, it would've been right on the money. But because she only wanted a chocolate doughnut, it completely missed the mark. I'm not sure if Dun-Well offers a salted chocolate version but, if they do, perhaps it was bartender error that led to the less than stellar doughnut.
My last foray into the world of lavender lemonade came at Kaleisia Tea in Tampa and I wasn't super impressed by it (don't construe this as a knock on the lavender lemonade, it is more a celebration of how awesome the matcha limeade is). The Dun-Well Doughnut version was just how I like it. The lemonade wasn't super sweet and the lavender offered a slight little flavor boost to the drink. It was very refreshing on a sweltering day.
While returning the handcrafted pottery plate that our doughnuts were served on to the dish collection area, I overheard the bartender talking about Champs Diner. This was one of the places that I had bookmarked. I decided to approach him with my own take on one of those deserted island questions. I said "If you only had four hours in town, were vegan, and really wanted to experience what New York vegan food was all about, where would you go?" He replied, "Champs Diner" is really worth it. So we headed that direction.
Champs is only about a block away from Dun-Well Doughnuts. Like Dun-Well, Champs is completely vegan. The diner describes itself as serving "Americana comfort food with a no-fuss, laid-back attitude." I contemplated filling the table with various dishes so that I could just sample a bit of everything. I wanted some mozzarella sticks and buffalo wings and seitan asada fries and a grinder and reuben and Philly Cheesesteak. S**t man, I wanted the whole menu. When I realized that Champs was a cash only joint, I had to temper my desires a bit. I had come with limited cash so I'd have to stick with one menu item for me, one for J-Fur and one for Z-Bot. I settled on the buffalo chick'n hero, J-Fur ordered an Awesome Bowl and we ordered Z-Bot the mac and cheese.
Buffalo Chick'n Hero
The Buffalo Chick'n Hero consists of spicy buffalo chick'n, greens, tomatoes, sautéed onions and ranch dressing on a hero. I've eaten a version of this at my house and I love the combo of spicy buffalo sauce and creamy ranch dressing. For some reason, and I couldn't place what it was, the Champ's version seemed overly salty. I remember having the same type of issue with a lot of the items on the Chicago Diner menu back in the day. While the sandwich was still good, it fell short of the perfection that I was hoping for.
'
The mac and cheese
You know what didn't fall short of perfection? The mac and cheese. This dish was total bomb squad. It was cheesy and creamy without the weird texture or aftertaste that a lot of vegan cheeses seem to suffer from. My daughter only ate a few bites so we took the leftovers home. Later in the evening I pregamed for the wedding by eating the rest of it. About the only negative with the mac and cheese is that it is very oily. Be careful with it, especially if you take it to go. You don't want your three year old to swing it and hit you and ruin a pair of your shorts.
The Awesome Bowl
The Awesome Bowl was full of quinoa, tofu scramble, bell peppers, garlic sautéed kale, home fries and hollandaise sauce. With that list of ingredients, it sounded like it should be one of the greatest things I've ever tasted. It was. But a large reason for that is because I ate from the side that was not drowned in Hollandaise sauce. Unfortunately, for J-Fur, she couldn't finish the dish because it had too much sauce on it. She loved the part that had only a smattering. Next time, she'd do it on the side.
By the end of our meal at Champ's, I was stuffed to the point of almost being uncomfortable. I knew then that I would be unable to hack a beet burger, New York style pizza or Chinese food. I threw in the white flag and headed home, satisfied, but not downright floored.
I've pulled and shredded the jackfruit. I've umamied the TVP. I've mashed the tofu, seitan and tempeh. I've even slopped it up a few times with the lentils. Basically, I've been around the sloppy joe block more times than Thomas has been around the tr...er, a hooker has been around...er, a graham cracker crust has been around a meringue of key lime. My current obsession, I'm talking three batches since Memorial Day skipped town, is a version of sloppy joes made from pinto beans.
Beans? Yeah, I know. I didn't buy it at first either. Originally, I only went with it because I had a pantry full of pintos and I needed to get rid of them before the move. If there is one thing I've learned about moving over the years it is that the less beans that have to be moved, the better. But after two bites, I knew that these pinto sloppy joes would be a big part of my sloppy joe rotation for years to come. So how exactly did it all go down? Something like this:
Pinto Bean Sloppy Joes (adapted from Eating Well)
(printable version)
-olive oil
-2 carrots, peeled and diced
-1 onion, small dice
-4 cloves of garlic
-3 Tbs. chili powder
-2 Tbs. balsamic vinegar
-2 cups of pinto beans, cooked
-1 large red pepper, small dice
-8 ounces of tomato sauce
-1/2 cup water
-2 Tbs. soy sauce or tamari
-2 Tbs. tomato paste
-4 cups thinly sliced green cabbage
-1 medium zucchini, thinly sliced
-1 cup corn (fresh or frozen)
-3 Tbs. yellow mustar
-1 Tbs. brown sugar
-1 tsp. salt
-buns for sandwiches
-other toppings
1. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium. Place the carrots and onions inside and saute, stirring occasionally, until they are beginning to brown.
2. Add in the garlic and chili powder. Cook for about half a minute. Remove the skillet from the heat and add the vinegar and bell pepper. Scrape up any browned bits. Stir a couple times and then place the pan back on the burner and saute until the pepper is soft.
3. Place the onion mixture, beans, soy sauce, tomato sauce, water, and tomato paste into a slow cooker that is set on high. Add the cabbage, zucchini, corn, honey mustard, brown sugar and salt. Cook on high for 30 minutes. Spoon the mixture onto a bun, top with your favorite slopping joe toppings. Eat it!
Let's start at the foundation of this recipe, the vegan burger. There is a reason why people love those f***ing frozen patties full of hexane that come from their grocer's freezer. You can smash 'em, dash 'em, bite 'em and step on 'em and you still will have a finely shaped burger that won't leave some dirty mashed potato looking mess on your clothes. In other words, frozen burgers are invincible. So in order for a homemade version to stand up to their frozen counterparts, they also need an air of invincibility. These burgers are no different. They must be formed, then skillet fried and bulgogi doused before coming into contact with my teeth. Thankfully, they stood up to all the rigorous testing I put them through. Higher Power's version of invincibility comes from the album's opener, "No Weakness." When I originally heard the song I suggested that it is "vintage the Dirty Nil, with roaring guitars, screeching feedback and screaming vocals" and that it "definitely ranks in the top five percent of all-time Christmas Amish crouton breakfasts" (you had to be there). After spending a bit more time with "No Weaknesses," I would add that the guitars, feedback and screaming sort of meld together into this wall of absolutely brilliant thrash. This thrash feels, during the verses and the long instrumental especially, that it is perilously close to running amok. But just as things appear to be too far gone the Dirty Nil reigns it all in and embraces a slightly more melodic and harmonious shout of "No Weaknesses." Brute force patty meet brute force song:
This invincible vegan burger is created by combining a unique blend of legumes (chickpeas), grains (barley), fungus, veggies and nuts (cashews). Each of these ingredients serves their own unique purpose. For the chickpeas and barley, that purpose is providing texture while also creating a sort of starchy binding to help hold the burger together. The cashews incorporate a certain amount of nuttiness to the burger. The veggies and fungus add the glutamate-rich flavoring that takes this burger farther away from other veggie versions and closer to their meat counterparts. Higher Power features the same components present on it. For instance, "Lowlives" brings an almost hardcore styled punk sound to the album. It doesn't get much starchier than that. The next track, "Friends In The Sky,"is an on again off again raucous punked out country number. It provides texture for the album, showing that there is more to the Dirty Nil than just screaming, feedbacking, and rock and roll. The triumvirate of "Know Your Rodent," "Bluto Bloody Bluto," and "Violent Hands" work at such a pace that your body is bound to be shooting out excitatory signals so rapidly that one can't help but wonder if things aren't about to turn toxic. I know glutamate fits in there somewhere but my science is super limited. I went to a school where they taught creationism and shit.
The album's second track, "Zombie Eyed," (here) has quickly become one of my favorites (and my toddler's too). It fills the negative space that is left behind by "No Weaknesses." The insane and out of control verses have been replaced by a calmer, slightly cleaner band. But like a hockey player who will forever grow back his beard once the playoffs begin, I know this clean feel is fleeting. By the time the band reaches the chorus the pent up pressure of remaining even keel comes to a head. We quickly fall back onto our out of control, feedback driven, rollercoaster. It is at this point in the song, right around the first chorus, where I find myself thinking about Rivers Cuomo. What if he had moved to Ontario, Canada instead of LA when he turned 19? What if his mode of transportation was a dirt bike instead of a surfboard? Could Pinkerton have taken on an even rawer, colder feel? Could Rivers have felt the need to crank the vocal feedback dial well past warm and into hot territory to keep him from freezing in the Canadian cold? I wrestle myself back to the present when the line "If I'm a dog, you're a swine" plays through my speaker. I don't come up for air again until the last of the "I guess I'm just zombie eyed's" are uttered to close out the track. "Zombie Eyed" is to the album as the bulgogi sauce is to my burger. Adding the bulgogi serves two purposes. First it provides the swine, it gives the burger additional flavor that makes something like adding bacon unnecessary. Second, the sugar in the bulgogi caramelizes when it is heated and gives the burger a nice charred look to it. I placed it on my plate and immediately starting giving it zombie eyes. I wasn't the only one, Z-Bot did as well.
When "Wrestle Yu to Husker Du" (it appears the umlauts are gone on Higher Power), kicks into gear I find myself again thinking of Rivers Cuomo. This time around I see the Weezer leader drunk on cheap gin while lamenting previous love losses. While this is going on, his current girl snuggles up next to someone else. Next thing I know it is all romps in the hay and playing doctor in the reeds. But, as the Dirty Nil points out, there is no moral conflict taking place while stealing another man's girl because "I don't care about your man, oh ya, f*** him, he left you in a glass of cheap warm gin." This track is reminiscent of the sweet potato based "nacho" cheese that is slathered overtop of the burger. Think about it. You've got a party going on. In the corner, milk, rennet and the cultures are all smoking weed and getting drunk. While they aren't paying attention along comes sweet potato, nutritional yeast and coconut milk. They don't give a f*** about what those other three are doing, tradition or unspoken rules. All they know is that there is one hot, bulgogi covered burger needing some cheese on top. They work their magic and the rest is history.
"Helium Dreamer" wasn't a song I liked the first two or three times I listened to Higher Power. It felt too much like a one trick pony compared to most of the rest of the album. Scream a single key verse, yell something during the chorus, repeat and do again. But at some point I stopped looking at it as just a straightforward hardcore track and I realized that sprinkled around those screams, which were actually quite catchy screams mind you, were some pieces of rock and roll musicianship. I came to appreciate the song, much in the way I have come around to both brussels sprouts and kimchi. My first few experiences with both of these were pretty unremarkable. Now, I'm a big fan of both. I decided for this burger, I wanted to pair these two vegetable based dishes together to create a sort of brussels sprout kimchi relish. The topping is fabulous enough to eat on its own but works even better when part of something larger (just like "Helium Dreamer").
Higher Power wraps up with the Dirty Nil's version of a power ballad called "Bury Me at the Rodeo." The song features scaled back (or at least as scaled back as the Dirty Nil seems to go) vocals with only momentary traipses into the red. The music is still bursting with feedback but this version is created by strumming once or twice and then moving the instrument closer to the amp. "Bury Me at the Rodeo" is less of a sprint and more of a slow jog through the park. The chorus sees the band at their most melodic, making it totally appropriate for a rock and roll funeral. I'd compare this track to the burger's bun which also signifies the end. It is both the first and last thing that you will come into contact with while eating this sandwich. A good bun can take this burger from great to out of this world. A bad one can drop the entire sandwich down a rung or two.
Overall, I absolutely love the Dirty Nil's Higher Power. Track after track of rock and roll that is meant to be played loud. I haven't felt this way about an entire rock album since the Menzingers' last album came out two years ago. Higher Power is probably the most complete punk debut (I know the band doesn't want to be called punk but I can't help it, that is the vibe I get here) since Dillinger Four's Midwestern Songs of the America's came out in 1998. Yes, my friends, I've been waiting 18 years for an album like Higher Power to come back around. While there were definitely some lean years in there, the Dirty Nil makes the wait so worth it.
I was minding my own business, surfing through some of those guns and ammo lover chatrooms, when the screen name @wmdprankster asked for a private chat. I decided to go for it, thinking maybe I could get a fire burning on some real hot gun porn. But when I entered the private room @wmdprankster had already left leaving only a video behind. I watched the video, a grainy surveillance tape with the date blurred out. It appeared to be footage of a coffeeshop in Orlando selling a vegan cheesesteak panini. I had to check this out in person, see if this video was legit.
I took a weekend and drove out to Orlando. I stopped by the coffeeshop, called Sleeping Moon Cafe, and walked to the front register. I knocked twice on the wooden counter, cleared my throat and said to the barista, "I heard you guys sell vegan." The lady hemmed and hawed for a few seconds and then responded with a "Not really." She went through the entire menu and only found one thing a vegan could eat. I ordered a wrap, not something she suggested, and asked for it without the cheese. I forked over seven dollars. Once the barista had my money, she motioned for me to lean in and whispered in my ear, "Are you vegan? If so, you might want to check out Market on South. I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian but I appreciate how good their food is." I thanked her, ate my very mediocre sandwich, and found a hotel room where I could hole up, eat some local jams and contemplate my next move. I had already been fooled once, did I really trust a barista at some coffeeshop? On the other hand, why would she send me to a different business than the one she was working at unless she really believed in it? Eventually, I decided to go for it. That's the long story of how I wound up at Market on South.
Market on South is really the brainchild of three different vendors who were looking for a place to showcase their products. Dixie Dharma provides the southern inspired vegan comfort food, Valhalla Bakery fills the dessert case with vegan sweet treats and Humble Bumble Kombucha brews up the refreshing kombucha combinations that are found on tap.
The menu is limited, only twelve items from top to bottom, but that doesn't make it any easier to decide what to get. Do you go with a Pulled Carolina Jackfruit BBQ Sandwich? Maybe a Georgia Peach Sloppy Joe or a Tempeh Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich? I decided to go with my ol' Southern standby, the Fried Green Tomato Sandwich. The Market on South version is topped with garlic kale, chow chow and smoked eggplant remmy. As a side I ordered crispy brussels. J-Fur got the Hail Kale Salad with Smoked Tempeh Bacon. For Z-Bot, we wanted Market on South's Mac and Cheese but they were all sold out. They suggested cheesy potatoes as an alternative so we gave it a go. To wash it all down, Citra Hopped Humble Bumble Kombucha.
Fried Green Tomato Sandwich
Market on South's Fried Green Tomato Sandwich includes two extremely thick sliced tomatoes served on bread that is also sliced thick. It reminded me a lot of Texas Toast because of how wide it ran. The top of the bread is sprinkled with paprika. While I didn't really taste anything different with the paprika dusting, it made the sandwich look really cool. As far as the taste goes, whoa baby. The tomatoes were nice and crispy and the breading held up nicely to it each bite (nothing worse than losing all the breading after just one bite). The garlicky kale and pickled veggies were a nice touch adding a punchy, slightly sour note to the tangy tomatoes.
Crispy Brussels
Don't be scared away by the extra dollar price tag for the Crispy Brussels. These little bad boys are totally worth it. They are fried and seasoned to perfection and by that I mean that I've never had brussels sprouts that tasted this good before. These definitely aren't your mama's brussels.
Cheesy Potatoes
I don't suggest you eat these potatoes expecting them to taste like their non-vegan counterparts, you will be disappointed. That's because they are much more flavorful. While most regular cheesy potatoes do their taste making solely from the dairy, these spuds didn't have the option to fall back on that pattern. Instead the combination of spices and marinades created a nutty, umami packed flavor bomb. I'd love to say that my daughter enjoyed these potatoes but she was so set on Mac and Cheese that she didn't even touch them. Oh well, that meant more umami for me.
Hail Kale Salad
This salad had both its good and uh, not bad per se, more like just adequate. First, the good. The homemade croutons were extremely flavorful as were the greens. I loved, loved, loved the pickled red onion and watermelon rind which contrasted the greens nicely. The greens themselves were really well done with just a hint of garlic to them. The adequate? That would be the smoked tempeh bacon. I expected something salty and contrasty, that's what I remember about bacon. This version was way too sweet for my liking. I never was a hickory smoked fan.
At this point, after the initial tasting frenzy took place, Z-Bot had a melt down. No mac and cheese meant not only was she not happy but everyone else should follow suit. So J-Fur rushed her out to the car, salad unfinished, and allowed me to finish my meal. I grabbed some sweets to go. While the whole case looked amazing I decided on, after recommendations from the cashier, a Lavender and Vanilla Bean Yolo and a fruit bar. The fruit bar was soft and moist, not overly dry like a lot of vegan fruit bars I've had. I thought the fruit taste was much more muted than I would've liked. I like my fruit bars to taste super fruity.
Lavender and Vanilla Bean Yolo
The star of the dessert show was definitely the Lavender and Vanilla Bean Yolo. A Yolo is basically two cookies surrounding a cream center. There was definitely a lot that could've gone wrong with this dessert. The filling and cookie could've been too sweet, too dry or too oily (just to name a few). But both of them were oh so right. I could've sworn that the filling in the middle had dairy in it because it didn't seem weirdly textured or flavored in the least. There was a hint of vanilla bean that existed throughout the dessert but it was the lavender that was king. This Yolo had a strong enough to notice, yet subtle enough to not be overkill, lavender taste. If you aren't a fan of lavender, don't think this dessert will mask it. It's all there for the tasting. If you are a fan of lavender, might I suggest you find your way to the Milk District of Orlando and hit up Market on South pronto.
I was very much impressed with my accidental visit to Market on South in Orlando. Its memorable food and completely vegan menu has me counting down the days until I can return for some more. Hey, You Only Live Once, right?
The musical version of Market on South is Austin's Ultraviolet. I say this because the band's sound is a "modern spin on classic shoe gaze sounds of the early 90's" that is created by groaning guitars and ethereal vocals. It marries opposites that support each other in the most beautiful and delicately balanced way. I'd say that about sums up the triumvirate mingling of Valhalla Bakery, Humble Bumble Kombucha and Dixie Dharma.
Before the calendar turns to 2016, let’s reminisce about the finer things that food in 2015 had to offer (click on the picture for recipes and blog posts). Favorite Sandwiches:
Main Attractions
Favorite Bread Recipes
Favorite Sides
Favorite Salads
Some Other Favorites of the Year: Favorite I Feel Like a Drinker Drink (Minus the Morning Hangover)
Kombucha. 2015 seemed to be the year of Kombucha (as far as I'm concerned) as all the cool hangouts started selling this fermented tea drink. I drank myself a glass (or bottle) at The Blind Tiger, Kaleisia, Cider Press Cafe, Tampa Bay Veg Fest, Crave and Co. and Market on South. I even experienced a homemade batch courtesy of my friend Bob. Throughout the year I repeatedly found myself enjoying the SCOBY culture created by local brewers Mother and Humble Bumble kombucha. Best Coffee Class, Coffee Drink and Vegan Brunch Hosting The Blind Tiger Cafe. In case you couldn't tell, I spent a lot of time there this year. Best Craft Coffee Bean Roaster: Buddy Brew. Not only can you choose from a variety of different flavors but you can also talk to someone who knows what the hell they are doing. It has helped me make a much better coffee at home. Best Holiday Themed Coffee/Drink Cornerstone Coffee. From their gingerbread chai with coconut milk to their peppermint mocha with cashew milk, I've enjoyed everything I've put my lips around at Cornerstone Coffee. Well, except that one thing... Best Vegan Dessert Sweet Action Ice Cream. I had a chance to return to Denver this year. Number three on my list of places to visit was Sweet Action Ice Cream. There product was as creamy and dreamy as I remembered. The only downside, no fruit flavor when we strolled through town. I had to "settle" for a pumpkin dish. If all settling was this good, well, s*** I'd "settle" daily. Best Vegan Brunch and Burger (outside of the Tampa Bay Area) City O' City (Denver). Any place that serves savory waffles topped with vegan cheese and green chili is a-ok in my book. Throw in a vegan burger that makes the Big Mac look like a midget and you've got a place that is worthy of traveling long distances for. Best Vegan Brunch (in the Tampa Bay Area): Cafe Hey. It certainly ain't cheap, but it is definitely a delight. Best Vegan Cupcakes in Tampa: Vegg'd Out Vegan Kitchen. Not sure where this crew is going to set up shop next but I hope they get to it sooner rather than later. Their cupcakes are on point.
Best Snack Bar: Kind bars. You guys showed up almost everywhere and I enjoyed every moment of it. The fact that you are such a customer driven company is the chocolate drizzle on the granola bar. Best Bread I Can't Buy In Stores Jamison B. Breadhouse Bakes. I smell your bread baking in Ybor, I have eaten it at The Local Public House & Provisions yet I can't purchase it because you only do wholesale. So, so sad. Thank God I got that new violin for Christmas. Best You Can Buy Vegan Food Here(?) Bar: Stage Left. Best Corporate Chain Store Vegan Meatballs:
Ikea baby. Their constant pushing of the envelope resulted in vegan meatballs being added to their stores menu. Just another reason they are poised to take over the world (if they haven't already done so). Most Inventive Vegetarian Sushi Line Takara Sushi. I wasn't super impressed during my first visit to Takara, mainly because they didn't have a lot of vegetarian sushi to offer. The owner insisted, via Yelp, that his crew was in the process of coming up with a vegetarian sushi line. I made a return trip there this year to try it out (and then another and another). Not only did they make an entire line of vegetarian sushi but they got inventive with it. They didn't just go with the simple, mundane rolls that you can get anywhere. These flavor combinations seemed like they were crafted by people who actually care about vegetables, not just thrown together as an accompaniment to raw fish. Best Bowl (and food truck) Give and Grub Vegan Restaurant of the Year Market on South. When J-Fur and I travel anywhere, long before we leave the plane/car/boat and set foot on foreign soil, I already have a pretty good idea where I want to eat. That's what makes the fact that we accidentally (read luckily) wound up at my favorite vegan restaurant of 2015 pretty remarkable. When I arrived in Orlando for a weekend stay, I had no idea that Market on South existed. But thanks to a tip by an employee at a disappointing coffee shop, I showed up there. I didn't expect much (that's how disappointing that coffee shop was). What I got was beyond my wildest dreams. What I love about Market on South is that it is a joint venture by three independent businesses, something that you don't see too often in the business world. The restaurant has a total DIY/punk/mainstream f*** off feel to it. But attitude and independence is one thing, delivering the goods is something completely different. All three business partners (Valhalla Bakery, Humble Bumble Kombucha and Dixie Dharma) deliver. Whether you are enjoying the amazing Fried Green Tomato Sandwich, Cheezy Potatoes and Brussels Sprouts dished out by Dixie Dharma or the out of this world Lavender and Vanilla Bean Yolo baked up by Valhalla Bakery or the light and refreshing Citron Kombucha brewed by Humble Bumble, Market on South will not disappoint. That's because these vendors put taste, quality, plant-based and dairy-free first and foremost on their agenda. That's why Market on South is my vegan restaurant of the year.
Things got a bit cheeky in the world of barbacoa this week. 
