Saturday, July 15, 2017

Cook: Dried Kiwi

On a recent trip to Costco, J-Fur and I were grabbing things willy nilly and throwing them into the cart like we were on one of those grocery store game shows. One of the things that wound up finding its way home with us was a gigantic plastic container of kiwi. I average, on average, during an average week, like one kiwi eaten. J-Fur is probably further south then that, let's say 1/2 a kiwi a week. Z-Bot and Special K, don't touch any fruit that's green. This plastic container consisted of multiple pounds of kiwi (I'm talking like five or six). What the f*** was I going to do with all that kiwi?

I started doling it out at the local libraries. Psst....kid. Come here. You wanna kiwi? While I successfully dispersed some, I still had a lot left over. I put a few in a batch of kombucha. My plastic kiwi container wasn't even a quarter empty yet. I ate my weekly allotment, took a few out to play kiwi Bocce and put some over my eyes at night. More remained. I began dreaming in kiwi and tasting in kiwi and coloring in kiwi. At this point I knew I needed to put a halt to all things kiwi. There would be no kiwi pizza, salad dressing or Etsy style earrings. Enough was enough. I took the remaining kiwi, which wound up being about ten of those tiny oval shaped fuzz fruits, sliced it real thin like, tore off the outer layer and laid it out single file on a wire rack stabilized over a cookie sheet. I put the rack and cookie sheet in the oven at an extremely low temperature (170 degrees Fahrenheit) for around seven hours. Boom! Dried kiwi is served!

If you ever find yourself in the land of too much kiwi, take my advice: play some bocce, get your macular degeneration reversal swag on, then use the rest for a healthy, filling, dried snack.