Stereogum wrote an interesting article yesterday about what America is doing during this time of political tumult (which they describe as Donald Trump getting the Republican nomination, only a marginally better Democrat, cops killing black civilians, an NRA controlled Congress and some ugly sexual assault cases). In case you are wondering the website concluded that when Americans aren't holding peace vigils or shouting at each other on social media, they are watching famous people sing old songs. Yawn. We can be better for sure, America. We have to be better.
At the bottom of this Stereogum piece I was appalled to learn that Fergie has a song called "M.I.L.F. $" with a pretty popular video (24 million views and counting). In this video Fergie, and some other people that I'm sure are famous, are swimming, drinking and dumping milk all over themselves. The whole thing might've been interesting if A)If someone other than Fergie was singing/purring/adjusting the pitch/I don't know what the hell you call that s*** that was happening B)Everyone in the video wasn't trying so hard to be sexy C)The people involved had some sort of sense of humor and D)Well, there isn't a D because I've spent too much time on Fergie as it is.
You are probably thinking, yeah Tender, we feel you but really how is anyone supposed to douse themselves in milk without being sexy, actually sing and not take themselves too seriously? I mean, don't be part of the problem Tender, actually offer up a solution. You are like those message board creeps that just troll along in people's....whoa, pump the breaks milk man. Before you take things too far, let me actually offer a solution which, might I add, I totally planned to do without your suggestion had you not interrupted me with your thoughts. You want milk covered and not sexy? You want singing? You want not taking things too seriously? Try on Petite Meller's "Milk Bath." This food flavored video is everything that Fergie's "M.I.L.F.$" is not.
Just the sounds: