Monday, June 27, 2016

Click (Food): Meat Extremists, Brooklyn Does Vegan Pizza, Link Eats Berries and Tigernut Flour

  • So I guess Starbucks' has this secret "pink drink" that is totally breaking Instagram and ruling the world right now. Unlike their fall drink that rules the world with a dairy filled fist, this pink drink can actually be made vegan. Just sub in some coconut milk. The drink is so top secret that I found out about it on Cosmopolitan's website. Yes, the Cosmopolitan that has a circulation of some 3 million subscribers (circa 2011). People use the word secret so loosely nowadays. 
  • Screamer's Pizzaria, Brooklyn's first completely vegan pizzeria, is open for business. As all the commenters point out, if you are looking for authentic New York style pizza, don't go here. Daiya is neither authentic nor made in New York.
  • There is a new Zelda game hitting the market soon, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. The game offers hardcore vegans a chance to make lead character Link follow in their footsteps. That's right, you can choose a vegan version of Link. Instead of hunting furry little creatures to restore his health, Link will forage for mushrooms, plants and nuts. A more health conscience Link, I like it. Of course, you can't appease everyone.
  • Beyond Meat has created a vegan burger that bleeds when you cook it. This is a total game changer. I mean pretty soon waiters and waitresses at vegan restaurants aren't going to have it so easy. They'll actually have to ask me how I want my burger cooked.
  • Rob Zombie recently lent his voice to an episode of Mr. Pickles on Adult Swim. He was, as he put it, the "douchebag leader of a vegan cult." Don't worry about authenticity. I gave him some pretty swell pointers about what it is like being a "douchebag leader of a vegan cult." *What do you want, I'm trying to writing? You interrupted me for that? Go out and find some carrots and make a house salad sacrifice to me. And this time don't forget the vegan mustard dressing.

Carrot Cake Doughnut by Purely Twins

What in the bloody f*** is Tigernut flour? Oh, there's a link? Sorry, I was too lazy to click on it. Probably that marijuana-infused cocktail I had earlier.

Kale Ice Cream by Vogue

In the description for this ice cream the author states: "Here, she shares her exclusive recipe for Kale Cookies ’n’ Cream Ice Cream—sure to win over any crowd, young or old." I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree. I asked my entire family, via Facebook, if they would be in to such a thing. They all immediately unfriended me.

Lilac Dream Cheesecake from Unconventional Baker

When it comes to eating flowers as a dessert, I feel that lavender is king. The role of queen, prince and court jester are still up for grabs. Where will you fall Lilac Dream Cheesecake?

Fettuccine with Tomato Cream Sauce and Asparagus from Vegan Richa

Enough with the sweets, let's get to some savory joints. Before becoming vegan I made a mad asparagus, artichoke and white bean pasta with pesto on it. I used to miss it hardcore. Recently, I felt I had done a nice job of putting that dish behind me. But then Vegan Richa comes along and, not only tears of the band-aid, but adds an additional gash right below my jugular. It's going to be a rough night.