Saturday, October 31, 2015

Click (Food): Human DNA in Hot Dogs, Strip Clubs That Become Homeless Shelters, Guinness Stops Using Fish Bladders and the Forest Green Rovers Football Club Goes Vegan

We've got entire football clubs pledging to follow the vegan lifestyle, a formerly vegan strip club that is now in the process of becoming a homeless shelter, a restaurant owner threatening to shoot any vegan that walks into his establishment and human DNA showing up in hot dogs. Yep, just a normal few weeks in the crazy world of food. Here are those stories...and a few others:


  • The building that used to house Johnny Diablo's Black Cauldron, a vegan Strip club in Portland, is being transitioned to a 24-hour homeless shelter. I asked J-Fur what kind of funny joke I could make about this news. She said "Nothing."
  • The Forest Green Rovers have become the "world's first vegan football club." Who are they? They are a team in the English fifth tier level. I think that is only a step or two higher than my high school team. Still, it is cool to think that if I'm ever in Nailsworth, Gloucestershire I can have a completely vegan football experience.

  • Just because you are vegan, doesn't mean you can't enjoy some halloween candies. Here is a list of vegan safe halloween candies. Just remember to check the wrapper to make sure it wasn't fiddled with. You never know if one of your pro-beef neighbors might have tried to sneak some of their carcinogenic animal juices into your candy. Psshh, jealous much?
  • A Facebook battle between vegans and Dublin's White Moose Cafe broke out this week. It escalated to the point that the owner finally decreed "Any Vegans attempting to enter our cafe will be shot dead at point blank range." A quick flight on Thursday told me that he is all bark and no bite. Not only did he not shoot me dead, he actually took the eggs, Parmesan and Hollandaise Sauce off of his grilled asparagus salad and served me a vegan version. He called it...Asparagus.
  • Vegan Culinary Academy is set to open in Florida. Of course it can't be somewhere close by like Tampa, St. Petersburg or Orlando so I can take night classes. Instead, it is way down in Miami. I guess my only option is weekend classes. The cool thing about weekend classes is that it exponentially increased the likelihood that I run into Kim Kardashian.

Pumpkin Muffins With Pecan Streusel and Maple Glaze by Show Me the Yummy

My favorite muffins have always been the ones covered with streusel. It doesn't matter if it is blueberry, banana, strawberry or apple, just cover that shit in streusel and watch me sing. Show Me the Yummy ups the ante quite a bit with their version. Not only is there's pumpkiny and streusely but they make it all glazey as well. I imagine Trevor and Jennifer, the duo behind Show Me the Yummy, came up with the recipe while sitting at a poker table playing foodie poker against the likes of corporate entities such as Whole Foods, Dunkin Donuts and Panera. All three of those losers throw their streusel muffins in the pot and sit back with a laugh. We've got you their non poker faces seem to say. Trevor and Jennifer don't say a word as they reach into their bag and pull out this muffin. "Is that pumpkin?" Whole Foods asks. "That can't be streusel" Dunkin Donuts exclaims. "We'll fu** me," Panera gasps "you've got maple glaze." All three stand up without another word. They know they've been defeated.

Vegan Tiramisu by Crazy Vegan Kitchen

Thanks to Crazy Vegan Kitchen "there's (vegan) layers to this shit player, tiramisu, tiramisu." 

Lentil Burger from Contentedness Cooking

It wasn't the lentil burger that attracted me to this recipe, those are like a dime a dozen. It was that sweet, oozing mustard sauce. Any recipe with something so glorious, so runny, so yellow deserves my attention. Go away eggs, I'm not talking to you.

Vegan Cinnamon Rolls with Apples from Vegan Heaven

Oh Sina. Sina, Sina, Sina. As she shares this recipe on her blog, Sina starts with a line about her grandma's cinnamon rolls and how unfortunate it is that she doesn't live close to her anymore. It made me think about my own grandmother. She passed a few years ago. The crazy thing is, despite her passing, I can still enjoy her cinnamon rolls anytime I want to. Unfortunately, they aren't vegan. Sina then goes on to talk about how her favorite bakery, which isn't far from her home, serves up vegan cinnamon rolls. I too have a favorite bakery that serves vegan cinnamon rolls. A quick check on Google Maps says that it is only 1,091 miles away (with tolls). If I want to go the cheap no tolls route it is only 40 miles farther. All of this is to say that I need Sina's recipe a lot more than she probably needs it.