Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Cook: Steroid Squash with Artichokes and Caramelized Onions

Back when I was chasing every meal with a shot of steroids, I would oftentimes find myself sleepwalking through my apartment. To be completely transparent, I actually never found myself sleepwalking, others found me and informed me about it in the morning. At least once a week I would "work out" during this adventures. By that I mean that I would lift my refrigerator, slide it down the wall to a horizontal position, push it up the other wall until the refrigerator was where the freezer used to be (and vice versa). This really jacked up my internal food compass during breakfast the next day. I wound up doing stupid sh** like eating veggie sausages raw and putting maple syrup into my toaster. 

I tell this story because yesterday, due to a jacked up internal food compass, my meal transformed from squash "fettuccine" noodles into the squash and artichoke deal pictured above. My squash, which had only been in the refrigerator overnight, came out rock hard and impossible to veggetti-ize. The only thing I can think, I flipped the refrigerator during my sleep and accidentally put the squash in my freezer (I guess you could also hypothesize that the refrigerator in my apartment is a piece of sh** that freezes things and turning the temperature back results in melted coconut ice cream all over the floor but that is way too dull of an explanation). 

Here's how the squash went down:

Steroid Squash with Artichokes and Caramelized Onions

-1/4 cup of olive oil + more for frying
-1/4 cup sherry
-4 ugly ripe tomatoes, small dice
-4 zucchini, accidentally frozen is fine, fresh is even better, cut into cubes
-4 squash, accidentally frozen is...you get the point, cut into cubes
-8 artichoke heart quarters in oil, diced
-1 cup of tomato sauce
-2 bunches of basil, chiffonade
-2 cloves garlic, pressed
-1 onion, diced

1. In a large, heavy bottomed pan combine 1/4 a cup of olive oil and the sherry. Heat until bubbly. Add the tomatoes and cook, stirring occasionally, for ten minutes. Stir in the zucchini, squash, artichoke hearts, tomato sauce and basil. Simmer until most of the liquid is gone (about 1 1/2 hours). This will probably be a lot less if your squash and zucchini aren't leaking liquid out the wazoo because they were frozen.

2. In a separate pan, heat a bit of olive oil until shimmering. Saute the onions, over medium heat, until they are caramelized (about forty minutes). Add the garlic right at the end and cook for an additional minute.

3. Combine the squash mixture with the onion mixture. Eat it.

Pull some frozen squash really close to your ear. What do you hear? Does it sound like this?

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