Below you will find the script that I placed in the birthday card I sent to America early this morning. It was delivered and acted out by a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. I was too busy eating the beautiful Taste of Tuscany sandwich from Vegan Sandwiches Save the Day to go visit America. Plus, as I mention in the letter below, I don't think America would've been super happy to know I was eating it on Cuban bread.
Happy birthday you ol' bastard! I am so pleased to have become your acquaintance over the past two hundred plus years. I have to say, there is nothing I look forward to more than our weekly chess matches and conversation. There's just something about your cursing and knocking over the board every time you lose that warms my heart. I can't say that I agree with your assessment that "chess is a stupid game perfected by Russians because they lost the Cold War and needed something to be the good at." I think it has more to do with the weather.
How's everything going in here? I apologize (again) that you have had to spend the last few years in a nursing home but, let's face it, you have become too challenging for me to take care of on my own. Even with that fabulous elder home care nurse, O, helping out, it was just too much. But have no fear! I have come to visit you own your birthday just like we promised. *Removes a sandwich and a cup with brown liquid from backpack. Unwraps sandwich, hands liquid over to America* This sandwich? Aw, that's mine. You wouldn't like it anyway. It's from Vegan Sandwiches Save the Day and it's inspired by the Tuscany Region. Yeah, the one in Italy, not Palouse. To make matters worse, I served the sandwich on Cuban bread. Yeah, the one from Cuba. I see the look of fear on your face, don't worry, I've had it lab analyzed. The bread is perfectly edible. I tried, my large acquaintance. I looked around for American bread but it just doesn't exist. Perhaps when you recover from this old age thing, you can invent a bread and dub it American bread.
Anywho, what I brought you to eat today is this wonderful meal served from a straw. It has all the necessary ingredients for sustenance, all the minerals and s*** that you need for a healthy body. Best of all, it won't hurt your teeth. I know you told me they have been bothering you. Here, try some. How does it taste? Um.....I'm just going to sit over here by the window, out of arm's reach. Happy birthday you old geezer!
The four tracks I'll be enjoying on this fine fourth of July?
Ever rode a white horse to a black river, tried to swim to someone, got lost and feared that you wouldn't find the shore before the current swallows you? No, just wondering. That's the chorus that Oberhofer hits hard in his new song "White Horse Black River".
White Reaper's "Last 4th of July" video shows what any good fourth of July party should include: exploding glass and car destruction. We are just two weeks out from the street date for their debut full length White Reaper Does it Again.
Digisaurus debut EP No More Room For Love is out now. While the four songs, as a whole, work pretty nicely together the stand out track is definitely "Without Me." I can't imagine a Fourth of July without it. I almost can't imagine a sandwich without it.
I don't know much about "My Car" by Tear Council. It is just a little something I discovered while humming Yankee Doodle...backwards.
Previous Installments of Four for the Fourth:
The Tiki Terrier (2014)
Berry "Ice Cream" (2013)
Lime Chocolate Drizzled Sugar Cookies (2012)
Chocolate Raspberry Cupcakes with Chocolate Ganache (2011)
Vegetarian Sausage Reubens (2010)
Berry Tart (2009)