Lazy Man's Tempeh Bierocks Crescent Rolled with The Absent Center, Big Black Delta and Dangerous!

"Laziness grows on people; it begins in cobwebs and ends in iron chains."

-Thomas Buxton

I'd like to think I don't have a lazy bone in my body, that I am always willing to give everything I have to whatever it is I'm doing. But the truth is that I load myself up on projects and activities that are rather time consuming and require a lot of effort. There are moments where I need (and take) a quick fix in order to maintain my sanity. These Bierocks are an example of that. I could've made the dough from scratch and figured out how to make homemade tempeh, gathered my own caraway seeds and plucked my own cabbage from a garden...but I didn't. I took the easy way out. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Lazy Man's Tempeh Bierocks
(printable version)

-1 block of tempeh, cubed
-1 onion, chopped
-1 clove of garlic, minced
-1 1/2 tsp salt
-1 1/2 tsp lemon pepper
-1/2 head cabbage, finely chopped
-2 tsp vegan Worcestershire sauce
-2 tsp caraway seeds
-1 package of Pillsbury Crescent rolls (or vegan biscuit dough if you aren't lazy)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Saute the tempeh, onion, garlic, salt and lemon pepper in a large skillet for five minutes.

2. Add the cabbage, Worcestershire sauce and caraway seeds. Cook until the cabbage is no longer stiff. Drain any excess liquid from the mixture.

3. Lay out the crescent rolls or biscuits. Roll until they are flattened. Place the tempeh mixture in the center of the dough. Pull one side of the dough to the other and press together (use a fork to ensure they don't come apart during baking if you aren't lazy, I was). Place filled dough pockets on a baking sheet.

4. Heat the bierocks in the oven for about fifteen minutes (or until the dough begins to brown). Shove it down.

Bierocks are best began with The Absent Center playing on your stereo. They are a lo-fi band from Richmond, Virginia that write the type of dirt fantasies that will have you singing in front of your third graders all day long. The band will be touring this fall to promote their debut album All that is Solid Melts into Air. These shows include appearances with the Black Rabbits, Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin and Asobi Seksu. Check out the Video for "In the Valley" (the third track on their new album):


Big Black Delta (aka Jonathan Bates) make music that is millions of times bigger and darker than I am. I would think that if Mika somehow wound up performing a concert on the backside of the moon that was attended by only robots and microscopic creepy crawlies, this is what it would sound like. I would hope that when Transformers 16 comes out next year, a Big Black Delta song would be on the soundtrack. It is the perfect fit. September will find Big Black Delta in residency at the Satellite in LA (every Monday) as well as releasing his debut LP BBDLP1 (on the 26th via Coming Home Records). "Capsize" will be somewhere on that LP:

Capsize by Big Black Delta

Epitaph was a staple through my teenage years. Best known for their loud rambunctious punk rock releases, the label and I have taken on a more long distance relationship in recent years. I still check in, just not as often. During our last update I got wind of Dangerous! and their track "Movers N Shakers." While this song is everything that Epitaph has come to be known by, it also features some techno sounding samples that help create a melodic undertone. Ultimately though it is the tracks aggressiveness that gets me fired up. "Movers N Shakers" is from the album Teenage Rampage which will hit stores on September 20th.

Dangerous! - Movers N Shakers by Epitaph Records